Read healing with angels by doreen virtue. Lets you know your not alone.

Ok I'll check into it. Thanks for the tip :)

Anglvette, How about walking meditation? Get your exercise and meditation done at the same time. I learned about this years ago in college and have found it so useful over the years to calm and relax.

http://www.wildmind.org/walking/overview

Yeah, all these ideas are great.

Meditation, IMO, is a bit stressful in itself when you're first starting (if it's traditional)--and it takes a while to be able to do.

But Tai Chi is awesome. So is exercise and reading.

Also, I would add journaling. I'm trying to start journaling again (in my notebook). I find it helps me.

Also, I find that reading over past incidents, or doing something like Illene's index cards activity, can help to get through the minimization.

I hadn't heard of the meditation walking, will look into that one.

I have a journal that I started that contains lots of crap I put up with over the years with the ExN, kind of like the index deal. And I've been adding to it as things come to me.

I've never tried Tai Chi, have some exercise dvd's here just seems like something is off and I don't know what it is or how to work on it, lol. Just taking one day at a time, hoping things line up sometime soon.

Thanks for all the ideas, greatly appreciate it. Gives me more ideas to look into.

Oh--and you know, I feel off a lot too.

But I was looking at some old photos I took before Manny, and I realized that I had such a different outlook then. So one of my goals has been to try to get back to that place where I was before--when I was OK being myself.

I don't know how to do it yet, but I'm working with my counselor to become ME again...just me.

I don't know if that helps, but I thought I'd throw it out there.

yeah I understand Littlekatya. I was with him 9 years lost in raising 5 kids between the 2 of us and I got to the point where I lost me. I don't know what I like or don't like I just went with the flow, did things day by day trying to keep the water as calm as possible. I always wanted to be with him since I was 16 and when we finally did get together (22 yrs old at the time) I got wrapped up in just being with him and doing things to get by. I honestly never had any dreams of my own besides living the best life we could with what we had. Now I'm having to re-evaluate everything and try to start over with a plan of action. I'm not completely happy with it because part of me would rather be there working on things as I was for so long but part of me is excited/scared about the new future that lies before me.

Wow - I can relate to everything you said, especially this: "I'm not completely happy with it because part of me would rather be there working on things as I was for so long but part of me is excited/scared about the new future that lies before me"

You aren't alone.

I don't do any meditation however, when I wake up in the middle of the night and am stressed out and can't sleep (everyone her prolly knowsmhowmthat feels) I push out all the thought and start to name (quietly in my head) all the things I am thankful for.mit works for me every time.

Hope that helps you - hugs

I began to meditate a few years ago. At first it was hard to clear my mind. There are different techniques, some people uses guided meditations, and they might help you to start, because they have a focus which helps you clear your mind. I started going to a group meditation, which was interesting, and enjoyable. Now I meditate almost every day and I would have to say that it has kept me sane through some pretty ridiculous court proceedings, including an argument in front of the Supreme Court of my state.

Ii also began to do Tai chi recently, and it combines nicely with meditation.

The thing you need is to find your center, reconnect with your Source whoever that may be. there are so many great teachers, so many wonderful books, and movies and resources that can teach you how to do this.

And I will tell you, that once you know, there is no turning back.

Good luck to you.

Thanks for the input Seawee and Hockeymom!! Yeah I've looked into meditation a little bit but seem to have a problem calming my mind down. But now it's been 4 weeks no contact it may be easier then when I had so much on my mind. I will dig deeper into it. That's really great Hockeymom that you practice Tai Chi, I've looked up a few videos on YouTube and it seems calming and interesting.