You are doing so well! Yes, I can assure you that what you are feeling is perfectly normal. If you have completed Ilene's Clarifying Index Card Exercise, bring out the cards and read them, or go over old journals - that should help you a bit. Dont beat yourself up though, or overly worry about how you feel. Relax, settle in to your new life, make a gratitude list, and maybe explore your new home and area. Take care

THIS IS NORMAL.

Pull out the
Clarifying Index Cards.

This is the precise time
to review and remember
the REALITY of life
with an abuser.

And focus on SELF-CARE!!!!!!!

Do things that you know you like.
Do healthy things.
Do happy-making things.
Get together with loving friends.

When you look back into the past
see it clearly --- not through a
sentimental mist.
But the rest of the time,
look ahead to a
BETTER FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sending you hugs
and healing prayers.

DO THE CARDS
and TAKE GOOD CARE.

Can you call someone? Calling a friend always helps me when my addictions kick in...

when I first got into my new place.. I was beside myself not knowing what to do!!!

I watched a lot of tv.. I took a lot of baths (like 2 or 3 per day, sometimes!)..

I was still suffering from the stress of the relationship, so I wasn't eating or sleeping, my hair was still falling out, I was weak and thin..

and I really didn't know what to do!

the abuse, as terrible as it was, was a big part of my life, and it left a big hole after I left!

I had to fill it up.

so, the baths.. tv.. reading.. talking on the phone.. and eventually, starting to go to friend's houses, without having to ask permission!

I still left early though, so that I wouldn't get in trouble..

then soon realized that there was no one at home to get mad at me!!

it takes time to get used to being away from them!

when we have all that time to do nothing, fears and doubts start to creep in.

make a list of things you weren't able to do when you were with your abuser. make a list of things you used to do BEFORE you met your abuser.

make a list of things that would make you happy..

stick this list on your fridge..

then, when you feel lost, you can go and look at it and choose something to do..

also, be proactive.. if you know there are certain days or times that are bad for you, make a plan beforehand to do something..

for me, saturday nights were bad,so I made dates with my friends or relatives EVERY saturday night!

and then, when I didn't have anything on a saturday night, I was relieved because I finally got to kick back and watch tv and relax..

no more sad saturday nights-I'm either busy and out somewhere, or I'm happy to be home.

You know the hardest part for me learning to make a transition was getting back in touch with the parts of me that I had suppressed and blocked off due to the abuse I was getting. I didn't even realize it until one day I woke up from a dream I had from my childhood. It was probably the happiest moment I had in my life ever to that point.

When I awoke and remembered the dream, I thought to myself, "I need to discover the things that have been missing in my life." Once I was able to do that, to nurture old dreams I had discarded and pursue former passions that feeling of being numb and somehow disconnected from things simply faded away. Nothing dramatic, just subsiding in the background.