Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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NewStart4me 04/12/2012

Why is it that when they , being the abuser , rage or they D and D you or when they upset you no end.....they have a minute and then they carry on as normal? while youre left with all these feelings and gut instincts and wondering what the hell that was?
i have read in a few books that if you leave and then if you decided to go back ....they do this very much ,... just act like nothing has happened...and just expect you to carry on with your 'normal' day to day life....
yet this happened to me on a daily basis , something happened and they just shrugged it off.....xx

Livndadrem 04/12/2012

Because they achieved their goal.

You are off balance, you have probably apologised for whatever it is they did wrong, you are upset, you are ENTIRELY focussed on them and their needs, wants, problems, issues, thoughts, feelings, etc.

Job done. Move on.

Oh yeah, and because when they do THAT, it puts you even further off balance.

IleneW 04/12/2012

Well said, Livn.

An abuser's "normal"

is them having life
exactly as they want it
and screw you.

So. . . . as long as they
get their drama and their
way, and you end up being
screwed. . . . . they're good
and tomorrow's another
day to get more of it.

rainyangel 04/12/2012

so true. My ex would get over things soooo quickly. He'd always say that he doesn't live in the past or hold grudges and says that he gets over being mad quickly etc. He can do something horrible and it's over in an instant and I'm not to look back or talk about it again. It never happened. They're friggin crazy. And just want you to think that something's wrong with you if you can't just let things go so easily and if you want to resolve it or talk it over.

NewStart4me 04/12/2012

rainy.....what you said....

" He'd always say that he doesn't live in the past or hold grudges and says that he gets over being mad quickly etc. "

wow.......are they related........lol.....mine says exactly word for word the same thing and that because HE can get over it , i 'should' too.....

mine wont talk about it either , if i try to bring it up i just get rage....and that look......if i try even more he actually say to me and i quote..
" we have talked about this , its done forget about it "
i would love to know when.......

its not real is it?

no wonder we are ill x

NewStart4me 04/12/2012

so is this denial on thier part or is it another abuse tactic.....im trying to put together a dossier for my lawyer about what has happened in our so called marriage and if it has a name it would sound better....

artemis000 04/12/2012

They're able to carry on as normal because they've achieved their objective. They've re-established their sense of control by sending those around them into emotional chaos. At this time an abuser is probably feeling very happy with him/herself as they've rid themselves of some their pent up anger and are feeling secure in the knowledge that, yet again, they're proved who's in charge.

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