Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
It has been 2 months and 7 days of No contact. I was finally starting to feel like me again. It has been a long hard two months filled with bouts of crying and sleepless nights blaming myself. I prayed for closure and an apology night after night after night and FINALLY gave up and was moving forward finding peace and forgiveness within myself.
He must have felt the energy vibe shift or something because out of the blue last night, I received this text message :
"I just want to say im sorry. I hope your doing great. I know you are. I'm glad. I'm done being angry"
I don't know what to do and honestly the message floored me. On the one hand I appreciate the apology but on the other hand, I feel, him saying "I'm done being angry" still has undertones of blame? Why was he angry?? He physically hurt me (by accident, he says ) And now he's done? So it was my fault? It's like he's saying, "it's ok, you're forgiven."
I'm just at a loss today and need advice on whether I should respond or not. I'm so torn between my craving to not have him begrudge me and knowing that I owe him nothing.
He must have felt the energy vibe shift or something because out of the blue last night, I received this text message :
"I just want to say im sorry. I hope your doing great. I know you are. I'm glad. I'm done being angry"
I don't know what to do and honestly the message floored me. On the one hand I appreciate the apology but on the other hand, I feel, him saying "I'm done being angry" still has undertones of blame? Why was he angry?? He physically hurt me (by accident, he says ) And now he's done? So it was my fault? It's like he's saying, "it's ok, you're forgiven."
I'm just at a loss today and need advice on whether I should respond or not. I'm so torn between my craving to not have him begrudge me and knowing that I owe him nothing.
If you're in therapy, take the message and talk about it there.
If not, write letters of your feelings and burn them, beat up a pillow, scream into a pillow, cry in the shower...but don't respond.
It doesn't matter what he's thinking or saying anymore.
He's an abuser
who's continuing
to do his thing.
His "thing"
is to spin
you around.
If you respond
with even one word
he knows he's
been successful.
And yes. . . . of
Course he blames
you. . . . even probably
blames you for
"accidentally" hurting
you.
I agree with patti. If
you're in therapy,
talk about the text there.
Write lots of letters to
burn or bury. Beat up
a pillow or better yet,
take a self-defense
course. Do everything
to process the pain
and then move forward.''
And I'll repeat myself. . .
process whatever is
left hanging around
post-relationship
and get that nasty
clutter OUT. The
longer you focus
on him, his thoughts,
his words, his take
on anything, particularly
You. . . . the longer
you're still tangled
up with this abuser.
The sooner you finish
processing and put
this chapter behind
you, the sooner you're
free of the abusive
relationship you escaped.
And just for the record
remember that everything
out of an abuser's mouth
(including what he writes)
is a LIE.
His "apology" was a
covert attempt to see
if he still had any hold
on you. You can already
see by the wording that
it's only a sideways
apology. . . . at best.
The whole text was
a shot in the dark to
see if he could still
spin you around, or
maybe even reel you
back in.
Pull out your
Clarifying Index Cards
if you did that exercise.
If you haven't already
done it, now may be
a good time to begin.
Focus on your self!
EVICT him from your thoughts.
Take care of yourself!
Sending hugs and
wishes for clarity
and healing.
I agree with everyone else's advice about ignoring him and I would do exactly that if I were you, going on what you said. Definitely DO NOT RESPOND!
Good that you've made this much progress since going no contact from him and he sounds like a royal jerk. Such apologies don't mean jack shit when he clearly is not being accountable for his behavior. By the way, his getting angry is HIS problem NOT YOURS. I learned this mantra from another abuse survivor that I try to remember and this may help you also "I don't live my life to please others." I hope that helps. "