it's natural, despite all the cruel and mean things a man can put you through well, you have feeling for him because there was either one point you loved him, hoped he would change, in denial, tried to see the best in him, make excuses for him cause he really is a good guy etc. As much as my abusive ex put me through he's really my first true love and I will always care about him and wish him the best. I've cut off all contact with him...but either way we were together 4 1/2 years and i really did love him......i still do love him as a person, just am not IN love with him

As for the need to search for his approval it's cause you're either used to seeking it or have low self esteem issues.....trust me been there done that. Just know that you're an amazing person and you don't need him.....you deserve a guy who isn't jealous, controlling, or abusive.

Yep, this is what happens when we are in a long term abusive relationship. If there's anything that I can do, feel free to message me.

Take care and know that you are not alone.

God bless.

Karen

I feel ABSOLUTELY the same way. I was with my abusive ex for a year. And it's been 2 months since I broke up with him. I still think about him, I still love him, despite the hell he put me through. I called the cops on him a few weeks ago because he was harassing me with really bad name-calling on text message, so they warned him not to get in touch with me otherwise he will be arrested for criminal harassment. Part of me regrets calling the cops, but I just couldn't take it anymore.

I feel absolutely the same way and to be honest, I have days when I am just in the depths of despair because, one day, I hate him and what he has done to me, and the other day, I love him and miss him. I hate this inner rollercoaster of emotions that I am on. I got off the rollercoaster with him, now I am on one by myself!

I know how you feel. Why do we need their constant approval? For me it's like I hear his voice in my head telling me what to do, how to think, etc. When I left the first time I continued to second guess myself even though he wasn't around. I'd hear him say things in my head like, "you're being lazy, you're so scatter-brained, look what you're doing to our family, nobody will ever love you like me, you can't manage your time or money, and on and on."

He'll have power over you until you can consciously push those thoughts out of your head and keep detaching emotionally from him. Yes, you probably feel lonely, I know, but remind yourself that you are better off now without him. You are a beautiful young woman that deserves true love and care and respect. I know it's so very hard and I'm so sorry for you. You are not insane you are just feeling the devastating effects of abuse, give yourself time and self-care. hugs.

youv just got ur power back .this includes the power to hang up the phone.dont even play with this new power until u know how to use it properly.u just want to be wanted an thats fine,but come on this aint no fairytale huni,u did great getting out now bloody stay out!

yeah the hardest thing for me is not leaving, is to keep my sanity while out :(

Hang in there [hugs]

I felt the same way for a long. I think I was just wanting to know if he still loved me or even thought about me. It was like I had to had my little 'love fix' from him to survive. And I think I was still holding on a little bit... I didn't want to completely cut the string I guess.

What you are feeling is completely normal... as time goes by you will have these tendencies less and less. It hasn't been very long since you left... the wounds are still very fresh. And even though he hurt you... you miss him and still love him.

Keep your chin up and keep moving forward.

I think the person who said that the hardest thing wasn't leaving, the hardest thing was to stay out is really wise. I guess when u leave, whether it happens spontaneously because you suddenly end up in a situation where u have to go, or even if you've planned it, at that point you're in a strong place and you're angry and you want to go. and then when you've gone, you suddenly are alone with all of the thoughts, feelings, words, and pain that he has left and put into you over however long u were together. you hear everything he says to you in your head. you start justifying his actions with what he would say, doubting yourself about whether you really were right to go, whether you realy can do this on your own (after all, they never think you can and they always tell you so), and generally thinking you're a bit of a horrible person for leaving this guy who "loved you so much which is why they were controlling, manipulative etc."

All of this just makes it hard. But it means that you've totally made the right decission. I would say you have to surround yourself with people, thoughts and things which make you feel good about yourself. every time you think anything that he would have said, or feel something you ended up feeling because of him, question it. Now you have the chance to proove to yourself just exactly what it is you can do. You've made massive steps by surrounding yourself with people here who can validate you. Keep writing when you feel low and also write down good thoughts about yourself. if he said you weren't good at something, try writing down what you think you're good at. and what you'd like to achieve in the future and to try doing now he's not around to stop you or put you down. one of the things i did was to do loads of things i wouldn't have been able to do whilst he was here, like go and se friends over a weekend or whatever. i really didn't want to go but i knew i had to as i had to make life feel like it had new and exciting opportunities in it without him and that it could be better.

Hugs and love.