Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am dealing with a situation that is really getting me mad right now, and I know there really is nothing I can do about it but vent.
My father's 80th birthday party is this Sunday, 2 hours away from where we live. He was recently diagnosed with a form of dementia and is getting worse every day. He lives in a home and my mother just recently had an accident and is in the same place where my father is until she heals.
Anyway, my husband, who is my abuser, is supposed to drive up alone on Sunday, because he has to work on Saturday. My son and I are driving up on Saturday and staying the weekend.
He just told me this morning that his brakes are shot in his car, and he probably won't be able to go. I know it is an excuse and I told him that he needs to go. My parents have done so much for us, and this may be the last time he can see my father in a somewhat normal way.
I told him to bring his car in today after work and we will figure out a way to pay for the brakes. He said no and then dropped it. I told him that he needed to go on Sunday and then I dropped it.
Not sure how else to handle the situation. He never goes to any family events and never participates in anything - he is very much a loner and homebody. I will truly be embarrassed if he does not go.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
My father's 80th birthday party is this Sunday, 2 hours away from where we live. He was recently diagnosed with a form of dementia and is getting worse every day. He lives in a home and my mother just recently had an accident and is in the same place where my father is until she heals.
Anyway, my husband, who is my abuser, is supposed to drive up alone on Sunday, because he has to work on Saturday. My son and I are driving up on Saturday and staying the weekend.
He just told me this morning that his brakes are shot in his car, and he probably won't be able to go. I know it is an excuse and I told him that he needs to go. My parents have done so much for us, and this may be the last time he can see my father in a somewhat normal way.
I told him to bring his car in today after work and we will figure out a way to pay for the brakes. He said no and then dropped it. I told him that he needed to go on Sunday and then I dropped it.
Not sure how else to handle the situation. He never goes to any family events and never participates in anything - he is very much a loner and homebody. I will truly be embarrassed if he does not go.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
same as yours. . .
that you've done
what you can do.
You cannot control
your husband's
choices or actions.
He's an abuser
doing what an
abuser does.
(If he weren't,
and cared about
how you felt, he'd
make an effort to
honor your feelings.)
I'm sorry that you'll
feel embarrassed
if he does not go, but
the reality is that you
cannot control his
choices or actions.
When he does not
make an appearance
it's your option to say
about his not being
there, whatever makes
sense to you.
If it were me, I'd say:
I wish (insert husband's
name) could have been
here, but you know his
history of not celebrating
with us. Let's, all of us here
today, celebrate Dad's life
and the wonderful difference
he's made in all of ours.
The only person any
individual can control
is her self or him self.
(Those who control others
by coercion and force are
not healty people.)
If your husband cared
about you, your feelings
or your family, he'd find
a way to make the trip.
You can't control that
he doesn't hold your
feelings as a priority.
I'm so sorry for that.
I hope you'll enjoy
celebrating your
dad's birthday with
your family.
~healing hugs~