Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Well the storms have calmed down way down.
I am certain things will happen again, just don't know when. Our intamacy has diminished to almost nothing. we hug/kiss and that is about it.
He works all the time, in the woods, everyday, over exerting himself, but I made him stay home today, for fear of him hurting himself, so he is at home taking a break.
I also found out I am going to be a grandma :D I am super excited and so is my daughter.
There was one day last week I forgot which day, I think it was Friday he head pushed me a couple times. It was a good thing we were just about home. He was mad at me I forgot what we was arguing about, but in the end I walked into the house and left him sleeping out in the truck.
He hit me, and that is when I told him, "please hit me again, please, please hit me again! you woman beater! I heard stories about you, you like to beat women! does that make you feel tough?! beating on a woman? If any of my family members were here, especially the male members, that would never happen, please hit me again! You would never fight a male, but it makes you feel tough to beat on me! Believe me when I say, if you ever lay a hand on me again to harm me, I will call the cops, and I will have you arrested. I will not hesitate next time."
He just kind of "harumphed" at me when I told him that.
When we arrived at the house, he told me, "take me to my mom's I don't want to be here, I told him get your stuff and I'll take you there."
Well he didn't get off the car, he stayed on there, and around 2-3 in the morning I cooled down and went out to check on him, and he was just coming in the door, cold as ever. I turned on the heat and went to sleep again. He apologized to me and that was that.
I find it better that I don't talk about it at all, or bring up past arguments and kind of not hang onto them with him because this just causes more arguments and more strife, so I say my piece when I am mad and then when the argument is over I don't say anythinga at all. I just move on with the rest of my life.
His decisions are his own, his actions are his own. I can't dictate what he will do next, but hopefully when I call out his actions to him, it makes him think for a little bit.
I know about abuse, and I see him being abusive, but I can't stop loving him. I believe I read it to be Stolkholm's syndrome? I don't know if it is that syndrome for me, but I do have hope. I have faith, and I hope that I am not making excuses for him. I hope that I am being accountable for my attitude's and actions. And I try to use a lot of self care on a daily basis.
Thanks for listening, and understanding. I am so thankful for this board, and the support I get. I will continue to post and update.
I am certain things will happen again, just don't know when. Our intamacy has diminished to almost nothing. we hug/kiss and that is about it.
He works all the time, in the woods, everyday, over exerting himself, but I made him stay home today, for fear of him hurting himself, so he is at home taking a break.
I also found out I am going to be a grandma :D I am super excited and so is my daughter.
There was one day last week I forgot which day, I think it was Friday he head pushed me a couple times. It was a good thing we were just about home. He was mad at me I forgot what we was arguing about, but in the end I walked into the house and left him sleeping out in the truck.
He hit me, and that is when I told him, "please hit me again, please, please hit me again! you woman beater! I heard stories about you, you like to beat women! does that make you feel tough?! beating on a woman? If any of my family members were here, especially the male members, that would never happen, please hit me again! You would never fight a male, but it makes you feel tough to beat on me! Believe me when I say, if you ever lay a hand on me again to harm me, I will call the cops, and I will have you arrested. I will not hesitate next time."
He just kind of "harumphed" at me when I told him that.
When we arrived at the house, he told me, "take me to my mom's I don't want to be here, I told him get your stuff and I'll take you there."
Well he didn't get off the car, he stayed on there, and around 2-3 in the morning I cooled down and went out to check on him, and he was just coming in the door, cold as ever. I turned on the heat and went to sleep again. He apologized to me and that was that.
I find it better that I don't talk about it at all, or bring up past arguments and kind of not hang onto them with him because this just causes more arguments and more strife, so I say my piece when I am mad and then when the argument is over I don't say anythinga at all. I just move on with the rest of my life.
His decisions are his own, his actions are his own. I can't dictate what he will do next, but hopefully when I call out his actions to him, it makes him think for a little bit.
I know about abuse, and I see him being abusive, but I can't stop loving him. I believe I read it to be Stolkholm's syndrome? I don't know if it is that syndrome for me, but I do have hope. I have faith, and I hope that I am not making excuses for him. I hope that I am being accountable for my attitude's and actions. And I try to use a lot of self care on a daily basis.
Thanks for listening, and understanding. I am so thankful for this board, and the support I get. I will continue to post and update.
Please get out before he kills you. What will happen to your kids if you are dead? If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. Staying is teaching your kids it's ok to be abused and it's ok to abuse others.
Please take good care of you and stay safe.
You wrote:
"""""""hopefully when I call out his actions to him, it makes him think for a little bit.""""""""""""""
If you know abuse,
then you know
that calling an
abuser out
will
never make
that abuser
into a non-abuser.
Another sad thing is that,
in the case of abuse,
having hope and having faith
can ultimately
get you killed.
"""""" I say my piece when I am mad and then when the argument is over I don't say anythinga at all. I just move on with the rest of my life."""""""""
So. . . . has that stopped him
from beating you, in the past?
Most of us have gone
through many of the
dilemmas you're experiencing
and each of us arrives at our
decision on our own timetable.
That's how it works.
The only problem with that
is that for some victims,
the decision to
plan a safe escape
comes too late.
And even if an abuser
never kills,
the longer we
accept abuse,
the shorter our
potential abuse-free life-span
will be.
Why toss
our PRECIOUS LIFE
down the sewer of abuse?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Love him if you must.
But
LOVE YOURSELF MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Until then, please plan whenever you are going to be with him there is an escape route around somewhere you can use. Please try not to be alone with him and if possible keep some mace handy so if you need to get away. I think of you often. Please stay safe.
Yesterday I asked him to stop smoking around me, and he apologized and said he would not smoke around me any more.
I have been making time for myself and for me and my children. Last night I took my ex and daughter to shop and I came back worrying that me and the man would get into an argument becuase of his jealousy, but he greeted me with a hug/kiss and then my son came out and said he needed to go to the store, my plan was to cook dinner, and so I asked my daughter to start dinner. So I was able to take my son over to the store, same thing I was worried I was going to get a grunt or the look, but he just asked what about dinner? I told him the girls were going to cook dinner. He was fine with it. he made order for some supplies. and my son/I went off for some quality time together.
I think to myself about the cylce of abuse. And remember the honeymoon period. and then the downward spiral of tense feelings, than walking on egg shells, and then the abusive area.
I remember them so well with my exh. He got me gifts after every happening. I remember, dinners, trips, money, flowers, jewelry, and promises of never happening again.
I think about my relationship with the man. I love our bantering, and playing, I love how when I am thinking something and about ready to say "let's do this" and things just automatically flow step into step. I like it when he has something to do and I help him and I know exactly what/how he wants it. I like it when I call him and say I need lunch money and he runs right down to my work and hands it over. These are some of the things that I love about our relationship.
I don't like it when he is short tempered about things. I don''t like it when he tells me "well I wanted it this way, and you didn't do it this way" I hate it when he tries to call me "dumb" or "stupid". I hate "the look" (i thought only mom's gave "the look"), when he jerks his hand away from me and I am trying to apologize to him. Especially when I know what i am doing and he micro manages it down to how many seconds it takes.
So yeah there is definately some cons there, and definately abuse. How to detach from someone you love is very difficult. I remember the total of three weeks I was without him, and the lonliness I felt, the depression I was going through, how everything felt so half way and like there was only half of me. How much I missed him, and wanted to share so much of the good things with him.
I sit and think about how I said after I put my exh in jail how I said I was never going to live in abuse again, yet here I am waiting, hoping, loving this man who continues to hurt me. I wonder sometimes do I need to go through this. Is there a reason for this?
Kind of like moses in the desert type situation, I just go round and round the same route and still yet wind up on the same side of the mountain.
Just my thought on paper :)
The "reason" for this
is biological.
The human brain is wired
to keep us bonded, once
we're bonded.
In an abusive bonding,
there are very few
relevant "pro's"
countered by
a surprisingly
short list of
relevant "con's."
The relevant "pro's"
tend to fade away
with on-going abuse.
The short list
of "con's" doesn't
grow shorter or longer.
But like the "pro's,"
what's left of our
spirit and our lifespan
both grow shorter.
As I said in my first
response, we all
come to our decision
about what we want
for ourself, in our
own, individual
timeframe.
Sending you good
thoughts and wishes
for the best of everything,
in this relationship and
in all you do.