Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Yesterday was the anniversary of when I sent my ex h to jail for sexually abusing my daughter.
I was taking care of my daughter yesterday. I grabbed her hand and held them and asked her how she was doing. She said I am fine. I went on about our day and later on in the evening I knelt on my knees and cried.
I am so thankful he is away from us and my daughter is not living with abuse anymore. I am thankful that she is moving forward and trying to reach her goal of finishing school.
I get a lot of discouragment from others for her, and she is so bright, and I see a lot of talent and her love of children is so enormous.
I see visions of her exceling beyond what she often doesn't see.
As for me, I am pondering on the fact that I have come so far since then, 2/19/05 is the last day I saw my exh being escorted away on a police car.
I was so scared that day, not really knowing what I needed to do. I didn't even know how to make a simple decision as to when I needed to go to the store, I waited until all the food was out.
I spent many of my years in a fog, in a depression, blaming myself. I worked myself to oblivion trying to get away from my guilt and almost to the point of neglecting my family and children.
Today I am still yet healing, I have a long way to go. Up until last year there wasn't a day that I didn't talk about it. I cried a lot and was starting on the path of drinking and became addicted to gambling. Along with the abusive relationship I have been going through.
I have had to tell myself over and over that I am not a victim anymore, that I am a survivor.
I had to face my abuser on the phone one day, and realized he doesn't control my life anymore. I don't feel that fear I once felt of him before. I am free from his emotional control. I could sense a feeling of anger from him and told him he still sounded the same. I felt a sense of power knowing I could talk to him and not feel fear anymore.
He is in a half way house some where near the border of mexico, and soon will be deported to mexico. He is wise not to tell me where he is, I feel like I would try to find him and get some revenge. A feeling I am still trying to deal with and get out of my head.
I really sense that as a mother I will never trully get over some of the guilt. My daughter is always telling me to work on forgiving myself, but you know what? I don't think a mother will ever trully totally forgive herself for her daughter having to go through such horrendous things. I think as a mother I will always carry some guilt over it.
just sharing, my victories and struggles of this month. Valentines used to be my most favorite holiday out of the whole year, now it's still a favorite, but I don't celebrate it as big as I used to.
I was taking care of my daughter yesterday. I grabbed her hand and held them and asked her how she was doing. She said I am fine. I went on about our day and later on in the evening I knelt on my knees and cried.
I am so thankful he is away from us and my daughter is not living with abuse anymore. I am thankful that she is moving forward and trying to reach her goal of finishing school.
I get a lot of discouragment from others for her, and she is so bright, and I see a lot of talent and her love of children is so enormous.
I see visions of her exceling beyond what she often doesn't see.
As for me, I am pondering on the fact that I have come so far since then, 2/19/05 is the last day I saw my exh being escorted away on a police car.
I was so scared that day, not really knowing what I needed to do. I didn't even know how to make a simple decision as to when I needed to go to the store, I waited until all the food was out.
I spent many of my years in a fog, in a depression, blaming myself. I worked myself to oblivion trying to get away from my guilt and almost to the point of neglecting my family and children.
Today I am still yet healing, I have a long way to go. Up until last year there wasn't a day that I didn't talk about it. I cried a lot and was starting on the path of drinking and became addicted to gambling. Along with the abusive relationship I have been going through.
I have had to tell myself over and over that I am not a victim anymore, that I am a survivor.
I had to face my abuser on the phone one day, and realized he doesn't control my life anymore. I don't feel that fear I once felt of him before. I am free from his emotional control. I could sense a feeling of anger from him and told him he still sounded the same. I felt a sense of power knowing I could talk to him and not feel fear anymore.
He is in a half way house some where near the border of mexico, and soon will be deported to mexico. He is wise not to tell me where he is, I feel like I would try to find him and get some revenge. A feeling I am still trying to deal with and get out of my head.
I really sense that as a mother I will never trully get over some of the guilt. My daughter is always telling me to work on forgiving myself, but you know what? I don't think a mother will ever trully totally forgive herself for her daughter having to go through such horrendous things. I think as a mother I will always carry some guilt over it.
just sharing, my victories and struggles of this month. Valentines used to be my most favorite holiday out of the whole year, now it's still a favorite, but I don't celebrate it as big as I used to.
Hi Babyrena......I don't know the whole story, but from what I just read here on this post, it seems to me that you are not giving yourself enough credit. You stepped up and sent your X to prison for hurting your child......That is AWESOME! You did what you needed to do to ensure your daughter's safety.
I am sorry your daughter had to go through that. You did not commit the crimes, and the guilt is not yours to carry. Give yourself big props for BELIEVING your child and siding with her. I know people that came foward as adults saying they were abused just to be told that it's a lie, or they wanted it, it was mutual ect....
I think once your start focusing on the fact that you did the right thing, your life and your daughter's will improve greatly. She doesn't blame you, so why do you?
(((((((((HUGS))))))))))
I will start making it a point to start giving myself props.
As for her not blaming me, there are times when she does, becuase she went through it for 6 yrs before she finally told me point blank he was the one who was molesting her all those yrs.
I knew someone was messing with her for several years, but I couldn't see it was him. I didn't think it was him because he was right there telling me that "I will kill anyone who touches my babygirl"
I don't know how many times I went over and over in my head how could I not see it? but when i found out point blank it was him. I took action right away and contacted our health provider to get evidence and then went on to victims of crime and pursued charges. It was a long two years before he was charged and sentanced, and I told him on the stand that "it doesn't matter how long or even if you get the death penalty, you've took my daughters innocence and for the rest of her life she will have to live with this trauma. I hope that with your time in jail, you seek counseling and right your wrong. But don't ever step foot on our reservation again unless you want to leave in a box."
That was the end of him, and now we are strong and moving on.
It was so life changing.
I'm glad that you have
this anniversary to
mark moving on.
Love yourself,
love your precious child.
Have you and your daugther
had counseling?
If not, would you consider
putting that in place?
Practice self-care.
Practice healthy boundaries.
Celebrate every single victory.
Sending you light, love
and prayers for all good things.
She has great support from other family members also :)
This is one part of our life where we actually feel some victory in our lives.
We are currently thinking about boarding school for my son, as he is having trouble with school, so we are thinking about that.
You will always carry a measure of guilt, because I think that's human. We always think we could have done things differently. But, no one is perfect. So, you can't keep beating yourself up over it. Please stick with counseling to help you and your daughter move past this horrible situation. Wishing you best.