Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I feel crazy for thinking he did or ever could change into a mature respectful kind boyfriend. I'm crazy for still wanting to be with him despite the pain it causes me and my loss of identity getting foggier. I want to believe there is better healthy men out there but I haven't dated any. Maybe I'm so messed up that I attract broken people. I don't know I just want out. I'm sad I can't seem to find the strength within me to value myself enough to know when its gone toofar. or on for far to long. I yelled at him and his roommate two nights ago bc they were being drunk and disrespectful and he stayed up talking to him until 4am, like usual. I woke up that morning to him holding me and told me he loved me as he left for work. I didn't hear from him all day and we had plans for that night before I got upset. He finally texted me at 10pm that I was dead to him, and he held me that morning bc he was sad bc that would be the last time. I wanted to kill myself, so I slept at a friends house. He was acting concerned today texting a friend of mine and me. It makes me sick to my stomach,I don't want to live this life anymore
You are right about one thing. I firmly believe that we attract what we give off at each point in our lives. So, while you feel broken, you will attract broken. If and when you learn to love YOURSELF and become strong and independent, you will attract the type of man that respects those traits. And at the very least you will be strong enough and have enough self respect to be able to suss out the users and abusers. You will be able to trust your gut again regarding red flags with questionable behaviors, lies, and love yourself enough to walk before you go through years of hell.
Get out while you can. Find a good therapist, one that specializes in trauma. And most of all, work on learning to love yourself.again.
if you choose to, you can live many more lives in your future, have adventures, discover the world, learn about yourself, meet wonderful, caring, loving people...
I know it feels hopeless right now, I can hear it in your post, but I think if you look deep inside you you can find something to live for.
Take 5 minutes all to yourself. Close the bathroom door if you have to. Take five minutes and let yourself dream your biggest dream for the future. Even if you would never let yourself believe it was possible, just take 5 minutes to imagine what it would be like to live your wildest dreams. Let yourself really feel it.
What you see there is hope. Hope of what can be once you are away from him and begin to heal.
You can do this. One small step at a time you can leave this life and move forward into a new one. You deserve it, and it is possible.
You do deserve a better life.
I don't think you're so messed up you attract broken people, but if you are really worried about that then you can sit yourself down with some self help books and work on yourself as you heal from that toxic jerk. Or, you could go to a counselor.
But everyone makes mistakes, so you should forgive yourself for not seeing him as what he was sooner. (But no one can really blame you for that). You seem pretty young. People are supposed to make mistakes, that's how we learn. The bright side is that after you choose to leave him, you will be wiser.
You do deserve better and you have a lot to look forward to in life.
please, don't go back to him. it will only be more of the same.
When my ex-girlfriend would get intoxicated, she would ay and do mean and hurtful things towards me, tell me she hates me or that she was breaking up with me or insult me in some other way. The first time it happened, it scared me, but I shrugged it off as intoxication. After that, I decided I could not be around her when intoxicated, so I set a boundary for myself and said if that ever happened again, I would simply leave and go home. The next time it happened, I told her I was leaving, made sure her son was okay with me leaving, and walked home. She followed after me, and would yell something at me as I walked down the street - usually "don't ever call me or see me again." The next morning, she would always call and ask why I left, then invite me over. This happened about 4 times over a 3-month span. Each time it happened, i would feel worse than the previous time.
It wasn't until a month after we broke up that I recognized this as emotional abuse. Being intoxicated is absolutely no excuse to hurt someone else. Abuse is abuse, PERIOD. The hardest thing to deal with is that she never once apologized or showed remorse after I told her what she said or did the previous night. Instead, she would justify her behavior as normal "partying", or rationalize that because others had acted towards her that way in the past that it was normal behavior and I was the one overreacting because I was too naive and sheltered.
I didn't recognize the abuse when it was happening. It took until I was outside of the situation and able to objectively reflect, with the help and advice of people here and other good friends, to recognize how bad and hurtful that situation actually was. Please listen to the wise people here, and don't doubt for a second that you are being abused. Set boundaries, and don't put up with this crap from anyone. Learn and grow, develop your positive attributes and people will recognize and love you for them.
As for your comment about healthy people being out there -I certainly understand where you come from. I've had three major relationships in my life, one was a depressive addict, another an abusive addict, and the third was married and she never told me. It's easy to become pessimistic and think all people are bad. I was at a party last night, and all I saw were red flags walking around. Believe me, I understand the loneliness and the desire to be with someone and put up with abuse because you think abuse is better than being alone. Just tell yourself that an abusive relationship IS being alone, because the abuser really will never care for you or love you or appreciate you for who you are.
Sunsets, you are a valuable lovable person SEPARATE from him or your relationship with him. To me that is what you sould work on, knowing that and really believing it. Once you do, you won't tolerate being treated disrespectfully.Your abusive relationships don't define you. It' just indicates you have work to do, work on improving your self easteem and your own separate identity. also realize that an abuser will use their victim's fear of abandonment or of being left as another tool to torture you with. they will either threaten to leave or actually leave and then ever so slowly work their way back into their victim's life, if they are allowed to. If he has truely left you , not to return, then he will be doing you a favor, imo. You will survive and you can be happy without him in your life. you have a valuable identity apart from just being his girlfriend. If you are seriously depressed and suicidal please make the call to your nearest crisis center. I know you may not see it now but life is good away from abuse.