Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
We have been married for almost two years, but now her true colors are really showing. I just found out a month ago that she is not bi-polar (as she claimed to be) and has psychotic episodes/ personality disorders.
In Oct, I had a mental breakdown and almost died from an overdose. I was in a coma for a few days.
As soon as I got out, she had a "breakdown" with trying to hurt herself and being completely insane.
My inlaws hate me because I had to call 911, because I was scared for her life and mine. She does this bullshit where she will do/say something horrible to/at me and then completely deny saying or doing anything of the sort. I'm always the asshole. I didn't go with her to the mental ward of the hospital when the ambulance took her, because I knew I'd just be sitting in the waiting room for hours- plus I had just gotten out of the place and was not keen on going back there so soon. This started WW7 with her family. Her whole family hates me and talks about me behind my back. I know because my wife tells me some of it.
So, the matter at hand: My wife threatened to OD today and locked herself in our bedroom. I said I'd call 911 and she opened the door right away. That was this morning. Just a bit ago she kept locking herself in the bathroom and bedroom.
(News flash, she just came out of the bedroom to say sorry-ill get to why in a bit- and asked if she could go in my craft room. My craft room is my safe place, and is also where all pills, knives, razors and any other thing she can harm herself with are. I told her no and she had her own room to do anything she wanted to with it. She just locked herself in our bedroom again.
About 30 mins earlier, she screamed at me while I was on the phone with my mother, telling me how I, "ruined her life" and how she can't spend Xmas with her family because "all they do is talk shit about you."
I am utterly spent with this bullshit. I'm going to read her journal, that she clearly left out of the room for me to read.
When is it time to say enough is enough? I've had to run our home like a mental hospital for the past two years we have lived together.
I have my own mental and physical issues to worry about... And now I have to deal with this bullshit.
I am tired, scared and lonely. She doesn't let me have friends, and if I do have them, she talks shit about them and gets mad at me for not spending more time with her. Both of us don't work at the moment. I just had to quit my job (that I actually really fucking loved) because she had another mental breakdown and screamed at me while I was at work. To come home. So now our apt is back to mental ward status. I dish out our pills, etc... Now she's claiming that she refuses to take her meds at all. I'm not even sure if she takes them in the first place. She gets mad if I look at her while she's taking her meds. So I have no idea. I've tried to talk to her doctor and therapists, but she just lies, so it's no help.
I feel like signing myself back into the hospital just to get away from all this drama.
Can someone PLEASE give me some advice as to how to handle this? I can't take it much longer. She is controlling that I have hide this website and just tell her I'm journaling on my computer.
In Oct, I had a mental breakdown and almost died from an overdose. I was in a coma for a few days.
As soon as I got out, she had a "breakdown" with trying to hurt herself and being completely insane.
My inlaws hate me because I had to call 911, because I was scared for her life and mine. She does this bullshit where she will do/say something horrible to/at me and then completely deny saying or doing anything of the sort. I'm always the asshole. I didn't go with her to the mental ward of the hospital when the ambulance took her, because I knew I'd just be sitting in the waiting room for hours- plus I had just gotten out of the place and was not keen on going back there so soon. This started WW7 with her family. Her whole family hates me and talks about me behind my back. I know because my wife tells me some of it.
So, the matter at hand: My wife threatened to OD today and locked herself in our bedroom. I said I'd call 911 and she opened the door right away. That was this morning. Just a bit ago she kept locking herself in the bathroom and bedroom.
(News flash, she just came out of the bedroom to say sorry-ill get to why in a bit- and asked if she could go in my craft room. My craft room is my safe place, and is also where all pills, knives, razors and any other thing she can harm herself with are. I told her no and she had her own room to do anything she wanted to with it. She just locked herself in our bedroom again.
About 30 mins earlier, she screamed at me while I was on the phone with my mother, telling me how I, "ruined her life" and how she can't spend Xmas with her family because "all they do is talk shit about you."
I am utterly spent with this bullshit. I'm going to read her journal, that she clearly left out of the room for me to read.
When is it time to say enough is enough? I've had to run our home like a mental hospital for the past two years we have lived together.
I have my own mental and physical issues to worry about... And now I have to deal with this bullshit.
I am tired, scared and lonely. She doesn't let me have friends, and if I do have them, she talks shit about them and gets mad at me for not spending more time with her. Both of us don't work at the moment. I just had to quit my job (that I actually really fucking loved) because she had another mental breakdown and screamed at me while I was at work. To come home. So now our apt is back to mental ward status. I dish out our pills, etc... Now she's claiming that she refuses to take her meds at all. I'm not even sure if she takes them in the first place. She gets mad if I look at her while she's taking her meds. So I have no idea. I've tried to talk to her doctor and therapists, but she just lies, so it's no help.
I feel like signing myself back into the hospital just to get away from all this drama.
Can someone PLEASE give me some advice as to how to handle this? I can't take it much longer. She is controlling that I have hide this website and just tell her I'm journaling on my computer.
What I can say is that the two of you aren't healthy for one another right now. Have you read Melody Beattie's books, "Codependent No More" in particular. This might help you. I highly recommend that you try a separation from each other for awhile. When I left my ex (married for 24 years) I thought we were both loony toons fully but as more time has passed I realize that he makes me crazy and that I am not crazy when I am away from him. Unless, I am thinking of him, then it is back to Crazy Town. ha.
Even just a short break from one another might do you both a world of good.
She is in desperate need of help that is beyond what you can offer. She needs professional help. The best things you can do for her is to call 911 the next time she threatens to hurt/kill herself.
Since you've tried to talk to her therapists and drs to no avail, it's time to LEAVE and go NO CONTACT. That means no texting, no email, no phone calls and certainly no seeing her in person. It also means NO CONTACT with your in-laws or any mutual friends.
You can get help from your local women's shelter. If you don't know how to contact them, you can call the national DV hotline at 18007997233 http://www.thehotline.org/help/ This is for all kinds of abuse, even if she hasn't been violent *yet*.
Do NOT tell her what you plan to do. She will only escalate.
Since you said you are afraid she may hurt you, TRUST that! Please stay safe.
such an awful
situation.
You say you're
disable and get
support for your
housing, which
means you must
be "in the system."
If that's the case then
I suggest you reach
out to your case worker
or social worker and
utilize as many social
services as is possible.
If one attempt doesn't
work out, don't give up.
Keep trying till you get
the resources that will
help you.
You don't have to be
alone in dealing with
this.
You are NOT responsible
for her recovery. You're
responsible to be respectful
of her, as you and all of us
are responsible for being
respectful to all others,
the creatures who share
the earth with us, and
the earth itself.
SHE is responsible for
her health and wellbeing,
as you are, for yours.
You can't control what
others think or say.
They're going to think
and say what they will
and you can't change
that. But you can
control your own
actions, in regards
to how your life
goes forward.
Please take good care.
Sending you hugs and
wishes for better times
in 2015.
It is very easy to fall into a co-dependent relationship with someone with a serious mental illness. YOU are NOT responsible for her recovery, as has been said here, but I feel it could use reiterating. You can be supportive, but SHE has to do what she needs to do take care of herself. It is imperative with someone with a SMI to create and maintain boundaries. Tolerating abuse cannot help you or her.
I know you are very aware yourself of how traumatic inpatient hospitalizations are-don't let that guilt you into not calling 911 or crisis when she acts threatening to hurt herself or someone else, or is sick enough to engage in self neglect. SHE is responsible for that call needing to be made, YOU are doing that tough, shitty job of what needs to be done because that is the position SHE had put you in by not taking care of herself. And as you know well but probably don't like to think about-sometimes it takes drastic situations like calling 911, or hospitalizations, or losing your loved one for someone to finally lose enough to do what they need to do to stay well. I know you care about her, doing what you need to do for yourself get away from this unhealthy situation ultimately helps her in the long run.
Call 911 if necessary, call your social worker as Illene suggested, call crisis team. My experience with those who are psychotic is they are not well enough to hide their disorganized thinking really well when they are being evaluated, and sometimes, some part of them HATES the distress they feel and will open up to professionals if given the opportunity. Don't let her saying "No one will believe you" deter you, because again, those who are psychotic aren't always good at hiding it-because they think they are acting normal, and fine, and rational in the first place so there is a limit to what they think they need to hide, and they often aren't thinking rationally enough to hide it well.
You need to reach out to all resources to help with this. You certainly will not be any help to her if you backslide too much in your recovery-we can't help people when we don't take care of ourselves first. You are doing the work-she needs to too.
You are in a bit of an urgent situation. You desperately need some space to sort things out. I read somewhere you need 6 to 8 weeks for the fog to really lift and be able to see things clearly. Is there ANY way that yo can give yourself this kind of time?
Shlay, please, if she is threatening to hurt herself call 911 and don't leave her alone until help gets there. If she has a documented mental illness and previous hospitalizations, even if she denies her suicidal ideation, based on her previous behaviors and illness it may be deemed reasonable and likely that she will try again if you report it, and she will get treatment. Then you can explore your options better, and she will be safe. You cannot, should not be dealing with this alone. If she is suicidal, delusional, hallucinating, paranoid, not functioning something about her treatment plan has to change. New meds, residential treatment, something-you can't just go on this way and neither can she. Please sweety-get help! Don't let the abuse-fog keep you in this intolerable situation.
Does SHE have a social worker?
The abuse is creating this indecision, this fog as we call it. But you have choices, but none of them are easy or pleasant. Does SHE have a social worker as well as you? Have you thought about calling your social worker and seeing what your options are in this situation? You don't have to live with this abuse, and you shouldn't have to. She may be sweet and loving now, but she'll cycle back, that's the pattern.
This "fog" is a real thing. I know. It is nearly impossible to make decisions while in it.