Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I think my husband is emotionally abusive. Either that or I am crazy. He actually convinced me that I might have borderline personality disorder and that is why my emotions are so sensitive. He said to me the other day that he is working out now, which means he might get more attention (meaning from other women) then he suggested that I get into shape too. So now I have to compete? Seriously? Am I overreacting to that? He once took a cheeseburger out of my hand and said that I didn't need it, and that I had already had enough. He wouldn't give it back. I obviously was pissed. Am I overreacting? I can't eat comfortably around him because he criticizes me about almost everything. I bought just a box of crackers once and he criticized me for that. I hardly ever buy chips, crackers or cookies. God forbid I do or I'm horrible. I hide my food from him sometimes because I can't listen to it anymore. He also criticizes my cooking, which I am not a good cook, but he makes fun of me when I don't know how to make something or doesn't really try to teach me. He just makes me feel bad. Sometimes he says things and I get mad and then he claims that he's "just joking" and I need to lighten up. He says that he's trying to help me better myself. He also sometimes even claims that he never said something. He tries to discredit me. He also treats me like an idiot. When we watch a show sometimes he'll explain what's happening like I am a child and do t know what's going on. He even asked me if I knew what something was right in front of some people the other day. I am not an idiot! Lastly, I told him that I don't like it when he gets sexual when he drinks. It reminds me of my abuse as a child. He has gotten sexual with me on multiple occasions even after I set those boundaries. He claims that he "forgets." He has excuses for everything.
With all of this he tells me that I'm being too sensitive. Am I? Am I going crazy? I don't know what to do. I've lost all of my self-confidence because of him and I'm pissed. what do I do?
With all of this he tells me that I'm being too sensitive. Am I? Am I going crazy? I don't know what to do. I've lost all of my self-confidence because of him and I'm pissed. what do I do?
No one here can diagnose you, and NEITHER CAN HE! I'm betting that you do NOT have borderline personality disorder. More than likely, he's the one w/a personality disorder. (of course I'm not diagnosing here)
You do NOT have to compete w/other women for his attention. He is setting you up to make you feel insecure bad about yourself.
You are NOT too sensitive - that's one of his verbal tactics to discount your right to your thoughts and feelings.
You are NOT an idiot - that's him projecting his own insecurities onto you.
You HAVE A RIGHT to eat whatever you want - that's one of his verbal tactics to control you.
You HAVE A RIGHT to NOT be his sexual object - and not just when he drinks.
You HAVE A RIGHT to set whatever boundaries you need to feel SAFE.
Him saying he's 'just joking' and 'you're too sensitive' are CLASSIC abuser words.
Him 'forgetting' is also classic abuser behavior. And it's a big fat lie!
The website Rose suggested is excellent. In addition, you might read Patricia Evans' book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship. It's a continuation of the youarenotcrazy.com website. And quite an eye opener. I suspect you will feel like she was hiding in your house when she wrote it. I know I did.
I always thought I was the crazy one too. Also thought everything was always my fault. Turns out I was wrong....very wrong.
You also might want to check out the National DV Hotline website.
http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/
Because of what you described here, please be very careful and make sure you erase all the history, cookies & cache from your computer, tablet & phone. He may be checking behind you and you don't want him knowing you think he's abusive.
Also, please contact your local women's shelter. Most shelters offer support groups for anyone who has been or is being abused in ANY WAY. And, hopefully, they can refer you to a qualified trauma release therapist who understands the dynamics & affects of abuse AND has additional training in recovery from abuse.
~healing hugs~
My husband has similar ways to yours.
A husband shouldn't treat his wife like a child. Heck, even parents shouldn't treat their kids in the ways you've described.
When my husband tries to control me like I'm a child I tell him he is not my Father.
Dr. Phil says.. "Treat your spouse like a child and they will do what children do... Grow up and move away"
I was starting to lose my self confidence too, but after reading many books and becoming less reactive and being confident that it's him and not me, I feel much better now.
It's still not pleasant being married to a bossy boots, invalidator, but I feel he has a right to his opinion.. I just do what I please and I do it with ease" lol... ( Martha Stewart's High School yearbook quote)
Good luck and welcome to the group
textbook. He is the
quintessential
emotional abuser.
MTC spotlighted a
few specifics but
really, there were
probably at least
a dozen blazing
indicators.
Also, I read your profile.
Am I wrong, or are
there lots of firearms
in your home?
This is the number
for your state's
women's resources:
800-934-9840
Please give them a call.
The fact that you were
abused as a child has
set you up for this
situation. If you've
never had counseling
for recovery from abuse
now would be a perfect
moment to begin your
healing journey. If you
don't you might well
find that circumstances
will only get worse from
here.
As far as getting
HIM to change. . . .
the possibility of
getting that to happen
is as likely as being
able to control
the weather.
Finally. . . . do NOT
share with him
anything you learn here.
Also, do NOT share
with him anything
you're doing or are
planning to do.
Please be careful.
Stay safe and take
good care of yourself.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
safety and
better times.
Please call that
number as soon
as safely possible.
I think you also may have CPTSD like me and your H triggers you. I say this bc that was my past, too.
You're hiding food... that's flirting with an ED. I got that, too. I was so stressed, I was down to 103 lbs and I wondered if I could get to double digits. That was a pretty low time in my life. I don't wish you to get there...
Hugs.
You are living in an
apartment with a
classic abuser
and multiple
firearms.
This is like
sleepwalking
in a mine field.
Please
BE CAREFUL!!!!!!