Hi. I'm Audrey. I thought maybe an introduction was in order if I start posting to topics..... I spent 7 years in a physically, emotionally, sexually abusive relationship from the age of 21 to 28. I was thrown down stairs, forced to "clean up" old food he threw around the house with my mouth while on my hands and knees, shoved, kicked, intimidated, isolated, raped, forced to perform sex acts that were humiliating, when he had friends over he would force me to sit on the floor at his feet and cut his toenails... if I fought back or showed any spine I was beaten.... I was told that I deserved it (and coming from an abusive childhood I accepted that), that it was my fault, that I angered him, or I was crazy or not a good enough wife, mother, lover, cook, whatever... it was always my fault....

I left him 18 years ago. It is easy to forget how bad it was with that much time between it and me but I saved the flyers from the shelter and sheriff, my restraining order, letters he sent me, all the paperwork from legal aid and my journals of the last 2 years I was with him. Every year on the anniversary of the day I left I get it all out and read it all again. A friend asks why I don't put it behind me and forget it and why would I celebrate it every year by revisiting it... but I'm not celebrating the relationship.... I am celebrating my freedom.. not the abuse but the day I found the courage to leave and create some life for myself..... And I don't want to forget, I don't ever ever want to forget, not how bad it was, or the things he did, or the courage it took to take 3 small children and run.....

I know how hard it is to leave and I know all the reasons why we stay when we know we shouldn't..... I thought maybe I could offer advice or support but I see there is a lot of good advice being shared already so I will probably just lurk and maybe pop in with a comment now and then.