Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am 21 years old. Two years ago I got engaged. Up until that point everything had been great. But once that ring was on my finger everything changed. He thought he owned me. He thought he could treat me however he wanted.
He had anger fits/tantrums. He would throw things at me and throw things just to break them. He would grab my arms and hold me in place. Pin me down to the bad or against the wall and scream in my face. Laughed when i cried. Get me going to the point of a panic attack and then throw my xanax at me and tell me to take my " f***ing crazy pills". He even forced me to have sex with him.
This went on for months. I was to embarrassed to say anything to anyone. I just kept telling myself it would get better. It only escalated. Until one day he picked a fight with me on our college campus. i tried to get away from him and he shoved me. it was at that moment, when he laid a hand on me in public, i knew i had to get out.
The day i moved out he went on a rampage. Throwing things and tearing up my clothes. He even threatened to kill our two cats. I had to lock myself in the bathroom and call my mom to come save me. He took off. My family showed up with 4 trucks and they had me out of there with all of my stuff in just over an hour.
I was a wreck for months. Things slowly got better. I had completely cut him out of my life. I eventually started dating again. I have been with the same guy for the last year. He is absolutely amazing. He knows what I have been through and he tries so hard to make things right. He is so good to me.
My boyfriend spent the night with me a couple weeks ago and in the middle of the night I had a nightmare about my ex. It was so vivid i was crying in my sleep. He was worried so he woke me up. I told him about the nightmare. He just held onto me and told me it was ok. Thankfully my boyfriend is very supportive. I have been having these nightmares more and more frequently and I left my ex a year and a half ago.
I am really at a loss as of what to do. I don't think I can afford counseling. Any ideas?
He had anger fits/tantrums. He would throw things at me and throw things just to break them. He would grab my arms and hold me in place. Pin me down to the bad or against the wall and scream in my face. Laughed when i cried. Get me going to the point of a panic attack and then throw my xanax at me and tell me to take my " f***ing crazy pills". He even forced me to have sex with him.
This went on for months. I was to embarrassed to say anything to anyone. I just kept telling myself it would get better. It only escalated. Until one day he picked a fight with me on our college campus. i tried to get away from him and he shoved me. it was at that moment, when he laid a hand on me in public, i knew i had to get out.
The day i moved out he went on a rampage. Throwing things and tearing up my clothes. He even threatened to kill our two cats. I had to lock myself in the bathroom and call my mom to come save me. He took off. My family showed up with 4 trucks and they had me out of there with all of my stuff in just over an hour.
I was a wreck for months. Things slowly got better. I had completely cut him out of my life. I eventually started dating again. I have been with the same guy for the last year. He is absolutely amazing. He knows what I have been through and he tries so hard to make things right. He is so good to me.
My boyfriend spent the night with me a couple weeks ago and in the middle of the night I had a nightmare about my ex. It was so vivid i was crying in my sleep. He was worried so he woke me up. I told him about the nightmare. He just held onto me and told me it was ok. Thankfully my boyfriend is very supportive. I have been having these nightmares more and more frequently and I left my ex a year and a half ago.
I am really at a loss as of what to do. I don't think I can afford counseling. Any ideas?
What you went through is PRETTY TRAUMATIC. By the way, it sounds to me like you were raped as well. (I went through something very similar myself.)
This is what I would do in your shoes since you can't afford counseling right now.
CALL a RAPE CRISIS centre in your area. Get on the waiting list. This is important, to be able to discuss and heal from that incident where you felt violated.
ALSO, join an ABUSE SUPPORT GROUP in your area. Again, you may have to get on some wait list.
Call the DV hotline and ask if there are some abused women workshops around. You may even be able to get free counseling from one of these organizations.
In the meantime, you can try reading books on healing from abuse.
Google Amazon.
Try: "A Courage to Heal" which is addressed to women of sexual abuse, but I have been told it is equally good for survivors of other forms of abuse as well. It applies.
http://www.amazon.ca/Courage-Heal-4e-Ellen-Bass/dp/0061284335/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1306844046&sr=1-1
STAY ON THIS FORUM if you need to. Talk about it all you like with us. We're here to support you as you heal.
GOOD LUCK! Don't forget also how lucky you are to have a supportive loving boyfriend by your side.
AND, finally, you WILL heal.
PS I read you're an artist, ART THERAPY can really make a huge difference, write something, paint, whatever... Exorcise your demons through your art and creative self-expression! You may use your experience to create something beautiful and honest to share with others.
If you're enrolled in a
college or university,
go to the counseling
office. Your tuition
entitles you to services
there.
If that's not possible,
you wrote of your family
being there for you, in
regards to escaping.
Surely they could help
you in regards to taking
care of your mental health.
Good for you for escaping
the abuser. Now, you still
have some work to do.
Don't delay!
PTSD doesn't need a "trigger."
It's related to emotional injury
and like many injuries, it's simply
there, unless it's treated. In fact,
often, reactions from the trauma
lie dormant until we feel SAFE,
and THEN they surface. So, now
that you're with someone with whom
you're feeling safe, the trauma is
returning to your awareness. . . .
so you can DEAL WITH IT.
Please don't put it off. It
needs attention as soon
as possible.
I see you`re in CA (states) ,is there nowhere there where you can go to talk to others who`ve been thru the same ,or similar experiences?
My heart goes out to you ,as i`ve also been at the hands of an abuser..both mental and physical ,(i i believe the emotional scars stay with us way longer than the physical...)..
My "mr.Charming" ,was just that...Charm personified ,until ,as in your case ,he had me right where he wanted me....(mine also pursued me ,i`d taken a long time to accept his constant request to go out)..
I finally got out after 15 mnths ,during which ,like you i`d be goaded and berated and left feeling so low ,i`d automatically reach for my meds..(DHC s at the time..for my DDD and fibro)...He`d mock me ,who already was an absolute nervous wreck ,thanks to his abuse....He`d taunt me ,and shout in my face ,and tell me to "go take a "nutter" pill..:(
Now ,my partner now i`d known for a long time..he was a friend ,i knew his family ,his wife ,and he would help me with my gardening......I have to point out ,i Was in NO WAY interested in anything more ,even after he and his wife split....I`d had it with men ,and didn`t think i could ever trust a man again..But he proved me wrong..:)
Though WE were happy ,and our relationship grew to be solid and stable ,i had the scars from the previous years..
Just like you i seemed ok to begin with ,but about 6...8 mnths into the relationship ,the awful nightmares started..
I too ,would wake screaming and sobbing ,and struggling ,as if to get away??My partener would hold me ,and reassure me ,and whilst this was a great support ,the nightmares just wouldn`t stop.
I saw my gp ,who put me on a mild sedative/sleeping pill~~i`d told him what had happened ,and he recommended therapy ,and a short course of these tranquillisers to try and get me into a decent ,nightmare free sleeping pattern..
THe most helpful thing for me ,with all the love and support from my family ,was talking to other "victims"..It helped me stop the train of thought they so "cleverly" inprint on our brains ,that we`re responsible ,deserving of this treatment....that we don`t deserve any better....The group sessions (which u may find from social care/welfare....I couldn`t afford counselling myself either)....>I hope u can find something ,as i`m sure this will help u to regain ur self confidence ,and also ,most importantly ,erase the awful memories.
Michelle ,if u ever need to talk ,please don`t hesitate to contact me....This site (DS)is a wonderful support ,and i`ve made some amazing friends ,who`ve helped me ,and i them ,thru this and many health issues..
Take care ,i`m so pleased you`ve found someone who DESERVES YOU.....And who is kind ,supportive and understanding..:)..
Sending lots of love ,and gentle hugs ,xoxoxoxx sharon (aka Rocky7) xxx
I didn`t even acknowledge this until imstarted talking to others...Sex ,unless it`s with our consent ,wether in a long term relationship ,married ,is STILL Rape....
Thinking of you ,and hoping for some healing therapy ,and help to put this terrible experience behind you...It does take time ,but yu will get there....and ,we`re all here for you ,if there`s any way we can help and support you ..xxxxxxx
Since I haven't been talking with my family I try to talk to my boyfriend about it. I can talk to him about most things. I never told him about the rape though. Listening to what I have told him is hard enough on him. I have also been reading a few book. It has helped a lot. But changing my waysof thinking (what my ex had drilled into me) is hard. I hate him so much for what he has done to me. He got to walk away from this like nothing happened. I am the one that has to struggle with recovery for god only knows how long. I think my biggest problem is I still feel like he has a hold on me with these nightmares. Like he is still winning. Which obviously he isn't. But i still can't help feeling that way.
Gamine, Ilene & Andrea- thank you for that. It makes me feel not so crazy that this has become an issue a year and a half after the fact.
Sharon- My boyfriend and I have been friends for years as well. He had just gotten out of a relationship a few months before me (he was cheated on). So we both needed someone nice to hang out with to get our minds off of things and it eventually grew into more. I think the fact that he knew me before the abuse and after helps me. He said he still sees me as the same woman he knew back then and that always comforts me.
Thank you all for giving me a little bit of hope.