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11 yr old reverting back to infancy

DJfromColorado
DJfromColorado
A little background; I am staying with my aunt who has custody of my second cousin, her grandson, who is 11. He was diagnosed last year with ADHD. The uncle is unemployed, and one mean &*^ *$ $!&#%. We have been having a lot of trouble with the uncle this week. This past weekend the boy was bugging me to buy him a dress shirt. So I took him and his brother shopping last Saturday and he was sooooooo HAPPY! Sunday he wore his new shirt and tie and pants to church. I really have seen a lot of maturing since I moved in and have been the man in his life. (I moved in two months ago)

I know he has been having a hard time dealing with his grandpa, my uncle, these past couple of days. Some mornings I leave for work before the kid even wakes up. Yesterday he dressed himself, but instead of being smart he wore shorts and froze his butt off all day. When we got home he was complaining of being cold, I told him to go get some sweats on while I ran an errand. When I came back he was still in his school clothes. He complained again during dinner so I took him to his closet and helped dress him. I have also noticed this week he wants affection. Last night I sneaked him out to go get a movie and I talked his grandmother into letting him stay up till 9:30, his bed time is 9. He really enjoyed having some alone time with me.

We have always known when uncle is in a whacked mood the kid goes a little nuts. But now I am seeing what is exactly going on-the kid is reverting to infancy amidst the stress. Could this be a defense mechanism? The only thing I know to do is ride it out with the uncle, do as much as I can with the kid away from the stress and pay attention to him. Does anyone have any comments?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes, I think the child is responding to you positively. So good. His ADHD will cause him to forget details all the time. I don't think this example is reverting to infancy as much as it shows that he hasn't had a gentle yet firm hand guiding him in the past. That's why your consistent reminders of his responsibilities are key.

Plus, he is craving a male figure in your life and you are mentoring him, providing a good role model and giving him affection. Now, he can relax and enjoy life in a more normal way.
He's lucky to have such a loving family in his life.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your Aunt has custody. Why? Was it neglect? Abuse? Children that have been removed from their parents' home regardless of the reason, still have grief issues, loss issues, depending on the severity of neglect or abuse they can also have attachment disorder(unable to bond with anyone in a nutshell). Has this child been to any therapy? Seems to me that him wanting affection from you might be because he's never had the affection and nurturing that a mother usually gives. With ADHD he will probably have to be shown and told numerous times to complete a simple task such as bathing for ex. before he will begin to do this on his own. It can wear one's patience pretty thin. Reverting to acting "babyish" CAN BE a coping mechanism when he is afraid, insecure, doesn't feel safe, or just plain and simple wants attention. I don't know what his "home life" was like before he came into your aunt's custody, but it sounds like he has experienced neglect of some sort. He is very lucky to have you as a role model right now-he really NEEDS that-Someone even-keeled that can model the appropriate ways to behave. Maybe you can teach him other ways of coping and destressing himself when the Uncle starts acting up.
God bless your relationship with this child:)
DJfromColorado
DJfromColorado
I posted a photo of Aaron in my photos. His mother (I am not racist) was in a mixed relationship, as soon as she got pregnant the father split. The boy is half Mexican, the uncle is racist and the mother has a hard time coping. Then she got married a third time, had the third child and the boys have been pushed away by the step father. A little over a year ago all hell broke loose, I do not have a full story but he got into some serious trouble at school and took it out by calling the authorities on the step dad. The two cannot be together much plus the mother is still having a hard time, eleven years latter, dealing with the child and what he represents in her mind.

I have started working with some guided imagery with the boy. Right now he listens to my sound machine a little. I will have him for a week on a road trip back to my home state of Colorado. During that time I am going to try and work on the imagery. He has been told about it and tried it but all he gets pictured in his mind is cartoons! He is in therapy, but needs more. Thats where I come in, I will do all I can to help the boy and be a buffer as much as I can to him from the harsh family situations.
deleted_user
deleted_user
He is so lucky to have you(yes, I'll say it again) in his life right now.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am glad that he is in therapy, and I hope that you continue to encourage that and that it helps.

From what you have posted here, I am making a wild guess, but considering his background I suspect that he has had some traumatic things happen to him, most likely some sort of physical abuse by the mother or one of or more of the step-dads. The behavior you describe could be because of the harsh attitude of the grandfather triggering his memories of that abuse, and yes his behavior could be a coping mechanism. Kids that were abused early in life run real risks of PTSD and multiple personalities as that becomes their only way to cope with the situation. They also develop dissociative episodes. Does he remember his behavior or not? Have you discussed this behavior with his counselor? Some of these things could be complicated by his ADHD, or it could simply be a case of something else that is mis-diagnosed as ADHD. It could get dicey in being able to discuss anything with his counselor because of the privacy laws, so talk to your aunt about signing a release that gives you latitude with them.

Bless you for taking such an interest in this child. I know that he will grow to be a much better person because of it.