Thank you a lot for this post. This will help.

my ex scored a 10 out of 10!

Also 10 out of 10.

I like this one more than some of the others i did, because on a lot of them they include the so-called "extremes" of abuse, and mine didn't qualify.

I like that this one says that even the subtle stuff is abuse, and is not acceptable in a relationship. thanks for the link.

Hmmm. My ex didnt score very high at all. He was never jealous or possessive of me. In fact, he often ignored me and could care less who i was talking to or where i was going. He like time away from me lol

That's a great website Gogo. Thanks for the link. We know all this to be true but sometimes we need to remind ourselves of the shocking truth. I printed it out for future reference. I really hope I don't have to use it but you never know.

Thanks again and have an awesome day Gogo. :)

9/10 for my husband...

Kai23, ya, mine also cared less if I went out (and encouraged me to go out often -- he was overjoyed to get "alone time.") Turned out he was watching porn every time I left!

He would thank me for not spending much time at home -- it of course makes you feel great when someone is only happy when you are NOT there! lol.

He of course encouraged me to talk to others also, since he wouldn't have to talk to me that way -- at one point he even said he'd be OK w/ me sleeping w/ another guy, so he wouldn't have to bother - -he said it was "too much work." (he's now seriously looking into getting a CAT instead of a new wife -- because that's the level of intimacy he's looking for, NO joke.)

so they do abuse in different ways.

still it's good that this info is on the web, because a lot of people do have abusers who do these 10 things.

I had a boyfriend that was a bit like that Magna and Kai123.

I don't think he was cruel (not saying yours weren't, he just was genuinely lazy rather than controlling I think. We were both a bit young and stupid. At least, that's how I like to remember him). But he withheld a lot of affection and didn't seem to bother if I was off talking to someone else. I started to feel really lonely and disconnected from him. It totally geared me up for the next one.

Then, when I was with the controlling boyfriend, I thought he was just valuing me, when he was actually just being posessive!

What a wreck!

Hmm this is a big eye opener......thank you xx

Excellent list. Some of the pictures are a little goofy, lol.

But this list beats, hands down, most of the other lists I've seen about emotional abuse. I mean, emotional abuse is so much more than "he calls you names and cuss words," which seems to be the big indicator on so many short, embellished lists. Sometimes the lists are so vague it makes me wonder how anyone can use them.

But this list was really good. Thanks for sharing. It makes me want to leave even more because H scored like, all of them.

Kai and the others who had unemotional boyfriends, I also had one of those. I agree that it set me up badly for H because at first I was just so overjoyed to have someone being "loving", that I excused and even enjoyed a little jealousy...little did I know it would absolutely take over my life and I wouldn't even recognize who I would become.

I like how Lundy Bancroft talks about the nine types of male abusers. Even the guy who was unemotional, and who I didn't think of as abusive at the time, ended up getting convicted of spousal assault later, with his new wife. And he wasn't jealous at all during our relationship, of course that could be because I wasn't giving him any reason to be, whereas he was spending the night at girl's houses and addicted to porn.

If you look up "Why Does He Do That" at Amazon, you can peek inside the book for free. Search "Drill Sergeant" and you will find the area of the book that describes different types of male abusers.

ok..i never thought to actually do the checklist to see how many he fit into..
10 out of 10.
hmm..hoping this helps so many to just run & be free & regain their lives
big hugs everyone!!