I have never felt like a person in the eyes of any doctor... I am a number... a file... a bunch of notes & factoids & dates all clumped together. They have their perceptions & views of me, which have always meant more to them than the words coming out of my mouth or the pleading in my eyes for them to hear me finally hear me ... but, all they see is another cow in their daily cattle drive. I have been trusting, even though I have never felt listened too or treated right. My mother was always compliant, calm & polite. I always took my que from her. But, I cannot blindly trust them anymore. It has all added up over the years & now it has grown into this "in-your-face" bitch monster determined to protect me from any further harm at the hands of those "trained professionals" called doctors & the minions who carry out their orders.
Among others I suffer from these medical related phobias that feel damn near crippling sometimes...
Tomophobia - the fear of surgical procedures
Latrophobia - the fear of doctors
Agliophobia - the fear of pain
Nosocomephobia - the fear of hospitals
I don't want to do this anymore i just to tired all I do is cry I don't have a family anymore so what's there even left to do I lost one of the few only things that make me happy and ain't got anything else left. There isn't anything left for me
I guess fear is making me question everything I am doing or not doing. I just want to crawl under a rock and die. How did I get tonthis point of distinction and is it even worth trying to pull myself forward? Maybe this is as good as it gets? What if this is it? I have moments if hope, where I plan to escape and reclaim my life but sooner or it all comes crashing down. It is as if...