I had to put my beloved cat of 13 years Chubs, to rest on Monday. He has had heart disease for almost two years then developed congestive heart failure in January. He was doing well these last 5 months until this weekend when I noticed he was not eating or urinating. I took him to the vet hoping it was just a virus but he had developed diabetes in the 6 weeks since his check up and went into kidney failure. I chose to let him go in peace rather than extreme measures that he would have only had a 30% chance of surviving. I feel a tremendous sense of guilt by noticing something was wrong sooner. I just feel like I should have somehow known.

Looking into is dying eyes was so so hard, I swear a piece of me died in that moment. I came home and my dog was looking for him and was distraught which broke my heart even further. I had to take two days off of work because I could not stop crying and was emotionally drained. I keep thinking I hear him or see him walking by. 

Waking up each day is so hard, he always in the kitchen screaming for his breakfast before I even have a chance to pee!!

This loss is compounded by the fact that I also found out a month ago that my 11 year old dog has terminal bladder cancer and only has a few months even with her chemo treatment. I am overcome with fear of losing her soon. My pets are like my children as I do not have any.