My beloved Kodiak, a gorgeous, loyal, and friendly Samoyed, had to be put to sleep yesterday, just a few weeks shy of his 13th birthday. Kodiak lived the best life a dog could have ever asked for, and was showered with love by me and my family since the day we brought him home. I was only 11 on the day I picked him out. I turn 24 this week, just moved to a new city, and am starting a new job.... having to deal with the loss of my baby boy on top of all of this just seems impossible.

I grew up in every way alongside my Kodiak. When I think of everything that has happened between ages 11 and 24, its overwhelming. And my doggie was always right there with me. Despite having been away at school for the past five years, I always knew he'd be waiting when I got home or via Skype. In a family thats been a little tumultuous over the past decade, Kodiak held us together in a very real way. We loved him unconditionally even when he drove us nuts sometimes. He'd had health problems before but as his vet said "He's such a trooper!" He always fought his way back through everything. I don't think any of us ever wanted to think that this day would come.

I came home after having lived abroad for a year about five weeks ago and got to spend five weeks with my baby before moving again. I knew he was declining... he declined a lot even in the five weeks I was with him. I'm so blessed to have been at his side almost until the very end. My brother and I left home on Friday, knowing it was going to be our last goodbye. He declined rapidly in the 48 hours that followed. By Sunday, he couldn't stand up or even walk, he had completely lost his eyesight, couldn't keep food and water down, and was in pain in his stomach. It was time for him to go to doggie heaven. He doesn't have to suffer anymore. My parents were with him, and they say he wasn't scared. And it's a blessing that we all got to say our goodbyes. I'm just struggling on how to go forward from here with all of this pain