Today I had to say goodbye to my ten foot tall Chihuahua. She never knew she was a toy breed and why should she..her bark was just as loud as the big dogs! That's one way I want to remember her, my tiny protector. Her name is Zoey and she was nine years old today. Diagnosed yesterday with a cancerous mass in her belly the size of an orange that as of today grew to the size of a softball. The suddenness of this is part of my heart break. I ask questions like, how long was it there and left untreated leaving her in pain. That will eat at me.

Zoey was a part of me, my constant shadow. She picked up on everything I felt and was my lifeline more times than I can count. I wasn't ready for her to leave this world but it was the right thing to do for her. At 1:30, today I held Zoey in my arms as she was freed from all pain. I don't know how long or if i'll even get through this loss as my helper in these types of situations is the one I now am grieving for. My chest aches in sadness and I can't bear to look at her bed, toys, or bowls. The unconditional love Zoey gave me will never be forgotten, she is irreplaceable. I just hope that one day I will be able to look back on the memories we shared and not ache or cry but just feel happy because that is what she made me.