It's possible that it's a little PTSD, where you feel emotionally numb. It's also possible that you are starting to move on, but are feeling guilty about moving on, because you feel that you caused Gizzie's death. Please keep in mind that because you don't know what caused Gizzie's death (at least I didn't see that you had an autopsy done), its possible that your sweet baby would have passed away even if you did bring him to the vet. Love your Gizzie, remember your Gizzie always, but most importantly, forgive yourself. It sounds like Gizzie had a wonderful life, so whatever it was probably was out of your control. We all like to think that with love and care that our pets are going to live a long life, but that doesn't always happen. You have a couple more very cute babys who are looking to give you their unconditional love and are looking for you to give it back. I'm sure that is what Gizzie would want also. Hugs!

I kind of have the same thing going on, although I didn't have my baby die at home. We feel guilty for something we could not control. I think we will always have "if onlys" And I too sometimes feel like I am loosing it. I have called for Pinky, or called one of the puppies Pinky, or when talking about the puppies said Pinky's name.

It is an absolute horrible thing for anyone to go through. And I think it just takes time to get through it. I think you are going through a depression which is understandable under the circumstances. I know I and my husband am. My heart actually aches for her to be back. I try not to think about that horrible weekend, and I think that is best.

{{{{hugs}}}}

I really do feel responsibe and am...I should have brought him to the emergency clinic, I know he would have been okay thats what I cannot face, I know most of us feel guilt in some way but I know I am guilty , thats what I dont want to face, and the reason why I will try not to think of that night I cant,in my heart and mind I cant change what I believe. I love my two babies that I have, I dont compare them to Giz and wouldnt, I play with them , give them attention , I'd like inner peace,to take that deep breath and feel the calmness but I am empty inside,People would never know by my appearance and my actions just what I feel inside. Thank you for responding , just been a very bad few days, sorry

I know it's hard, I'm going through it too, except that I did it to my baby, she was ready. Give yourself a break, breathe, live in the moment when the grief washes over you, and try to let go of the guilt. Know that if Giz would have lived if you had gone to the vet, that it is a mistake that you will never repeat again with another animal. Then Gizzies death would not have been in vain, and that love will transfer to your other babies. I really do know how difficult this is. I had my puppy for 15.5 years, and would have done anything for her. But she was old, sick and ready to move to the bridge. Maybe that makes it a little easier for me, but I hurt reading your posting, and I hope you can find a way to get some relief from your pain.

Hey, Kiddo. If only people would love their pet's like you. omg. Be sad, but no guilt. To treat an animal with respect and love during their life is more than 2/3rds of what domestic animals get in the U.S. Circumstances come up - and judgement is human, and sometimes flawed, but the foundation of love cannot be replaced. Have faith that your bud is far more concerned for you.
Briefly, I saw a medium who told me some odds and ends about my life - but kept telling me about a golden swimming in a lake and biting at my heals. Although I was looking for something from my parents - my dog came through.
Giz is fine. Heal yourself. I'm sorry for your loss & understand.

When our beloved pets die, blame is part of the grieving process and that's the place you are in just now. My little sweetheart, Holly was 10 and was put to sleep in February , I'm still wondering if we did the right thing and weep inside for her every day. We tried every medication available but nothing helped and finally as we saw her deteriorate, unable to breathe and on the advice of two vets we made the terrible decision, it was the only thing we could do, I adored her and I'm still trying to forgive myself for taking the only possible decision.
You so obviously loved Gizzy and you are punishing yourself for his death but I'm certain it was not your fault, it was just Gizzy's time to go, sadly as animal lovers we find it hard to accept that our pets can have sudden deaths just like people, we feel there is always something we can do, even though thats not the case.
My friend had two darling Yorkies, Gizmo and Sparkie from the same litter.. One morning Gizmo (8Years old) was a bit off colour and by lunchtime he had died whereas his brother lived until he was 14. Outwardly Gizmo looked the stronger he was bigger and more dominant but that day his little life was over.
Forgive yourself, because there really is nothing to forgive, remember that although you would have wanted him with you for longer you made his life very happy indeed and he wouldn't blame you, just love you.

HI, i am so very sorry for your loss,truly i am,me and my husband had to put down our toy poodle on february 20th of this year,because we didnt want to be selfish to her,she was in severe kidney failure(we have no idea how long she had it for)we still feel guilt,eventho we have a new toy poodle now.....it has subsided,and your pain will also in time,also in time you will remember what happened.......but please know it was not your fault.......god calls to his animals when its time......and gizzie is fine and watching over you still,and playing with not only my poodle but everyones beloved pet in the garden.....thoughts,prayers and hugs are with you....

me again. I hope this finds you a little better - a touch more healed - and with a bit more faith that Giz is in the best place imaginable.

I hope you're starting to smile when you think back.

jen