I'm sorry for your loss and especially that you're feeling so guilty.Had the vet said your smoking was the only cause he was sick? Guess you could smoke outside,but everything in your home would still have the smell of the smoke...even if your smoking contributed to his health-you didn't set out to harm him or anyone. I guess it comes under a hard life lesson learned. But you didn't let him suffer when you knew he was sick-you had him put to sleep and he wouldn't want you to keep blaming yourself. What he would want you to do is to take better care of you! Perhaps look at other means besides smoking,,,and think of your furry little companion as an incentive..if you think you're to blame for his health then take care of you and as you do-then the guilt will decrease because that is how your furry companion would want it to be.

I think the hardest thing for me is I can't take it back... The vetrenarian said he had been deterioriating for some time... Last year we went through a period where I almost lost him... I was so frightened and made a commitment to him I would be a better mother... I worked at that and knew I had always been a good mother to him... He was very well loved, never knew fear, never knew hurt, nor anger... We would hold "hands" every night when we went to bed... I do believe my smoking caused his previous symptoms to deteriorate... The vet did not say that as they had been trying to help him for some time... Thank you so much for responding... It is nice to know someone is listening, annettear...

I'm very sorry for your loss. I've been told that guilt is a normal part of grieving and many of us harbor some feeling of guilt along with the very deep grief of losing our babies. As Annette said, you did not intentionally do harm to him, so you should not blame yourself. It may not seem like it now, but these feelings will lessen in time. Losing a pet/companion is difficult no matter the circumstances. Hold onto the love and memories you shared.
Hugs Nancy xoxo

im so sorry for your loss,if i know alot about anything its guilt...it nearly drove me to have a breakdown when my dog clay died 6 months ago,he was only 7.he got pancreasitis real bad and for about 2 months before he died he was losing weight and seemed unwell one day and fine the next,little did i know he was in pain having attacks of pancreasitis and the food i was giving him wasnt helping at all,by the time i found out it was too late,found out what he had(liver was swollen too) and 3 days later he was dead,vet thought he was getting better so did i and then he went into shock....i had to make a split decision to let him go.,there was complications...1 minute i was taking him home,on a new diet and meds...the next he was gone,i nearly went out of my mind,he was my baby and i failed him and felt all that guilt and shame also,turned all his pictures facedown,couldnt look at them.somehow i got through it,i still am crippled by the guilt sometimes but have learned to cope and live with it...maybe i wouldnt have saved him anyway even if id found out earlier,who knows.i felt all those things your feeling and i can just say in time it will get easier,you set him free from pain and he knew you loved him.i made an album and got a gravestone for clay,it helped.i look at his pictures now but am still recovering and still so sad,joining this site and coming on here has got me through it,it does get easier though,big hugs xx

I am so sorry for your loss. I think the natural part of grieving is to blame ourselves- the what ifs, maybe this, maybe that. As nancydan said, you did not intentionally do harm to him and I agree that you should not blame yourself.

Sending you big hugs!

Interestingly enough, I was a counselor for many years and worked with individuals through the grieving process... I find it fascinating how it is much easier to listen, be patient, acknowledge feelings as natural when I am in that field, then when it happens to me personally... Such a dichotomy... I don't know if I will ever be able to find peace within myself regarding what I did... He was the best friend I have ever had...

dont be so hard on yourself,you didn't intentionally do anything,these thing just happen sometimes.... and it is easier to give advice than try to take it yourself and do what you know you should be doing,sometimes when im writing on other peoples journals,trying to comfort them or give them support,im thinking in my head "this is what you should be telling and doing yourself"......"take your own advice".....it is hard though,as the saying goes "easier said than done"...really hope you can find some peace soon,hugs xx

mybabyclay...

When I worked as a counselor, I was trained to never give advice... I was trained to be a sounding board, and that came so very naturally to me as it is my nature to listen...

I cannot take my own advice because I never gave it...

To learn to be my own sounding board is my greatest challenge at this time... My friend...

Oh I know how easy it is to give advice,but I'm lousy at taking it :)