Personality Disorders Support Group
Personality disorders form a class of mental disorders that are characterized by long-lasting rigid patterns of thought and behaviour. Personality disorders are seen by the American Psychiatric Association as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it.
So i was sitting back today, wondering what is going on with me. I loss my sense of direction and could not think of anything to get me forward. So i thought about it, my dad's a sociopath and doesn't know it. But its obvious that he is. So i checked and i did not fall into that. My thoughts told me to look up psychopath, i had done research on psychopaths before and realized that not all are violent, so i did some looking and noticed that i have all the traits of a Psychopath, but not the behavior. So i kept looking and came to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which describes me better than any Ex girlfriend could..
Take 10 steps back. I came to this because when i was 3 i had shocked myself with an old house socket. Causing my loss of sight in one eye. But never thought of anything else. Now i am 19 and thinking. That something else rather than my sight could have been disconnected that something else in my brain is not responding or connecting with what is supposed to be. That's my furthest memory and then after is when my life of questions began. Emotions are cold, Empathy is unreliable, and this mental mask that i have created for myself to get me by. From young i was bullied, but the mask prevailed through it all, got me through middle school, got me through high school. But im in college now, and im ready to take it off (But dont know what to do).
I've been to a few funerals in my lifetime so far, and when i think back i remember getting asked "You know your great grandfather died right?".. My answer was "Of course", and the woman responded, "Well looks like you weren't here, your family over there crying and your in a daze"... This was one funeral and there were more that followed like that.. Great Grandmother died, i loved both of my great grandparents like they were my own parents, spent time with them like any other young child would do. But still had no emotion of grief, sadness, or regret.. I tried to cry, almost got a tear, but my emotion said, Smile. Yea some might say, guys arent supposed to cry. But when your sitting in a room full of grief and sadness, and crying people. And the only thing you can do is smile, no matter how hard you try to feel and understand the pain of someone. It wont happen.
I always felt like i was apart of a category of people that did not belong to the normal society. I still do. Im the most social person that can be born. But yet i cant keep up with my relationships because they either project that i am cold hearted or i just could not connect with them on the same level that they are. So i sought out to connect with people only i can connect to. what makes it disturbing im a vibe reader, so i can usually feel out my situations. Rather than understanding the whole thing. The disturbing part is, when you find another NPD that is a vibe reader its like a automatic connection, that leads to you. When you just find another NPD, its like a person walking with a ribbon flying out his/her head needing to be grabbed. NPD people grab your own ribbon and pull it because we need to open up and out. Than in and deeper.
Now for the people who are troubling in this area. Men and woman, there is someone out there who will love you for who you truly are, they see the person you truly are, and believe in the person you truly are. You gotta work with them to be the person that you truly are to bridge the gap between Us and the world. Love will be your key to opening. Loving is hard i know, but when someone loves you and you work with them to understand, its beneficial.
Like i said im 19 now, and im thinking. I have diagnosed myself with most of the things i understand with myself. My mom kept me away from the doctors because she felt like it would destroy my records. The intention i understand was for my success, but what is success when your destroyed in the process. I missed out on the child hood guidance and skills needed for this point in my life when connecting and building is the most essential part of getting through life.
Some Questions:
For NPD people,
What have you done to understand and cope with this?
Did you do Psychotherapy?
Do you agree with my problem?
What is your opinion on where i should move forward?
How should i move forward?
Take 10 steps back. I came to this because when i was 3 i had shocked myself with an old house socket. Causing my loss of sight in one eye. But never thought of anything else. Now i am 19 and thinking. That something else rather than my sight could have been disconnected that something else in my brain is not responding or connecting with what is supposed to be. That's my furthest memory and then after is when my life of questions began. Emotions are cold, Empathy is unreliable, and this mental mask that i have created for myself to get me by. From young i was bullied, but the mask prevailed through it all, got me through middle school, got me through high school. But im in college now, and im ready to take it off (But dont know what to do).
I've been to a few funerals in my lifetime so far, and when i think back i remember getting asked "You know your great grandfather died right?".. My answer was "Of course", and the woman responded, "Well looks like you weren't here, your family over there crying and your in a daze"... This was one funeral and there were more that followed like that.. Great Grandmother died, i loved both of my great grandparents like they were my own parents, spent time with them like any other young child would do. But still had no emotion of grief, sadness, or regret.. I tried to cry, almost got a tear, but my emotion said, Smile. Yea some might say, guys arent supposed to cry. But when your sitting in a room full of grief and sadness, and crying people. And the only thing you can do is smile, no matter how hard you try to feel and understand the pain of someone. It wont happen.
I always felt like i was apart of a category of people that did not belong to the normal society. I still do. Im the most social person that can be born. But yet i cant keep up with my relationships because they either project that i am cold hearted or i just could not connect with them on the same level that they are. So i sought out to connect with people only i can connect to. what makes it disturbing im a vibe reader, so i can usually feel out my situations. Rather than understanding the whole thing. The disturbing part is, when you find another NPD that is a vibe reader its like a automatic connection, that leads to you. When you just find another NPD, its like a person walking with a ribbon flying out his/her head needing to be grabbed. NPD people grab your own ribbon and pull it because we need to open up and out. Than in and deeper.
Now for the people who are troubling in this area. Men and woman, there is someone out there who will love you for who you truly are, they see the person you truly are, and believe in the person you truly are. You gotta work with them to be the person that you truly are to bridge the gap between Us and the world. Love will be your key to opening. Loving is hard i know, but when someone loves you and you work with them to understand, its beneficial.
Like i said im 19 now, and im thinking. I have diagnosed myself with most of the things i understand with myself. My mom kept me away from the doctors because she felt like it would destroy my records. The intention i understand was for my success, but what is success when your destroyed in the process. I missed out on the child hood guidance and skills needed for this point in my life when connecting and building is the most essential part of getting through life.
Some Questions:
For NPD people,
What have you done to understand and cope with this?
Did you do Psychotherapy?
Do you agree with my problem?
What is your opinion on where i should move forward?
How should i move forward?
*I* think your mom kept you away from therapists out of fear what you might learn.
I'd not DIY your dx; get to a therapist. Your school should have resources; they want you to stay healthy so you can keep paying tuition!
The daze you describe is called dissociation. You may have gotten wired for PTSD or something else.
Get to a therapist.
Hugs.
I got my ass to a therapist. Because my life was falling apart...friends didn't want to put up with me anymore, my performance at work was affected and my boss didn't want to deal with me and I became isolated myself. All the while thinking exactly what you do: that I was part of a special secret group. I wasn't like everyone else...I was better than them. I just couldn't say it out loud. But I acted like it. Sounds like you do too.
Did you do Psychotherapy?
Yes, and it's crucial whether your a mild case or its more serious. Address it now because NPD is formed in early adulthood...the sooner you at least explore it, the better the chances are that you can stop patterns that only get worse as you age. 9 times out of 10 people with NPD won't ever get help because they don't think they need it. Those are terrible odds that eventually catch-up to people.
Do you agree with my problem?
I agree that you like to talk about yourself...a lot. I agree that you haven't or can't have relationships. Or don't want them. I agree that you feel like you're special. And I agree that yo can be as social as a butterfly, but all those things point to NPD. You want people to like you...you need people to. SO people with NPD are usually extremely outgoing, personable & fun to be with. Until they want or need something...or worse, don't want or need you anymore. If you're asking me if I agree with your problem...the answer is: hell to the yes. Its not a problem. It's just something else to find out about yourself. And the more you know...the better you can be.
What is your opinion on where i should move forward?
How should i move forward?
Go talk to a therapist. They have tests you can take to gauge how severe your situation is and likely uncover other areas that may contribute to making your problems worse. Or better, in the case of a person with undiagnosed NPD. What do you have to lose? You're 19. Therapy should be mandated for everyone -- because all it is learning about who you are and why you are. It can't make you worse, either...it can only make you stronger.
If you were raised in a bad way, then I'd suggest CPTSD.
Also, you mentioned that you are being an armchair psych to yourself and your family's situation. You need a professional. You are over 18, so you can seek that out now on your own, mother be damned.
And I suspect your mother prevented you from therapy to cover her own @ss, not to "protect" your record. That's BS.
So, get to a therapist or at LEAST check out the PTSD board.
You sound like you are very intelligent and would respond to any type of therapy.
Hugs.
I don't think any narcissist here will answer as they have no empathy and do not see themselves as the problem or how destructive they are.
Scott Peck calls it psychological evil...soul murderers...
If they answered you they would probably not have NPD..maybe very few traits.
I don't think you'd be here even if you really had NPD.