I'm over 60 years old.  I accepted the fact that my mother was full-on NPD years ago, have done all the research, and I'm comfortable where I stand right now.  However, on occasion (and always after an unexpected NPD encounter with mother), I feel the need to express myself to others as a way of venting.  I used to be able to connect with my older sister and talk about this for hours, but she passed away a few years ago.  I have high self-esteem and I'm successful and retired.  I just need to blow off steam with others occasionally that can understand the crap we experience when dealing with a parent who is a full-blown NPD type - and in my case, a mother (never a mom) to a scapegoated son.

Here's what I'm brooding over at this time (names changed to protect the guilty).

About 20 years ago, my NPD mother was informed by my sister's friend "Alice" - with myself (the only male sibling) and my sister "Tami" present - that "Alice" and "Tami" would intentionally mess up, break, or hide things around our house when we were in grade school. They would then tell the NPD mother that I did it, even going so far as stating that they saw me do it.  This happened continuously when I was between the ages of 6 and 12.  When I say continuously, I mean two to three times each week, usually in the Spring and through late fall/early winter.   

"Tami" and "Alice" would mess up pillows/rugs/towels/blankets, hide household items, leave dirt on countertops and floors, break things, stab the toothpaste tube with a fork, hide NPD mother's personal belongings, etc.

"Alice" went further into the details, which surprised me that she was willing to do so (but I believe she was getting her jollies off on just saying it openly).  She told my NPD mother that her and "Tami" set me up so they could hear me scream and cry when the punishment was inflicted.  I knew when I was young that someone was setting me up (and likely "Tami"), but did not know all of these details.  "Alice" added they would sit in the next room and giggle and laugh while I cried and yelled that I didn't do anything.  To add insult to injury (literally), my NPD mother was extremely creative in using a variety of household items as tools, always demanding I expose my bare skin to ensure feeling that extra physical pain.  And she never once believed me over the version of every story that "Tami" and "Alice" created.

After "Alice" revealed this and "Tami" openly agreed with what had happened, and they laughed about it in front of me, I looked at my NPD mother and said, "I told you.  Every time I said I didn't do it, I didn't do it.  Every time!"  NPD mother apologized to me, and I left the room.  I was in the military when this was revealed to my NPD mother, and was home on leave.  I had signed on to the military just days after my 18th birthday without my parents' knowledge.  I didn't know then, but I know now it was to get away from the dysfunction, games, manipulations - and overbearing control.  It was a wise move on my part, because the military became my surrogate family (but that's a different chapter).

Jump ahead 20 years to today.  My NPD mother's best friend is now "Alice" and has been that way since I left the house and remained in the military for over 20 years.  And "Tami" remains the preferred golden child, which doesn't bother me one bit.  I was, however, recently informed that NPD mother prefers "Tami" because they are so "alike."  I almost started laughing when she told me this because it is honesty mingled with attempted devaluation.  In addition to this, I was visiting my NPD mother several months ago and was talking to her in the kitchen.  All of a sudden, "Alice" was at the back door.  My NPD mother stopped looking at me (as if I had disappeared), shuffled quickly to the back door, and gushed over "Alice" coming to visit (which is often). 

I was instantly disregarded.  Somewhat like, "Oh, she's here; go away."  I grabbed my things, said a quick goodbye and left.  I was happy to be gone frankly.

I realized I will never be anything except the scapegoat, even though I've been successful and done many things with my life that I'm proud of.  I'm fine being NPD mother's scapegoat continuance, as long as I continue to see the manipulations coming, understand the meaning of intentional slights and disregards, and continue to ignore these attempts to control and devalue my success and existence.  "Alice" will always be what I consider the Mother Superior of Flying Monkey Sadists while "Tami" remains the sadistic golden child (with behavioral, financial, and personal "issues" that would classify her as anything but golden).

Yet, what still amazes and bothers me more than anything else is that, after the "Alice" and "Tami" revelations of intentional sabotage for their own sadistic enjoyment years ago, nothing changes in my NPD mother's eyes - except to draw "Alice" and "Tami" even closer.

I'd say I'm justified with limited contact at this point, even though I've tried very hard for over 20 years to ignore the slights, disregards, and attempted "sweetness" - which is really just another ploy for attention.  Reality is very apparent.  I do feel guilt by not being there.  I'm not angry.  I am aware.

Thanks for listening and understanding because we're all coming from the same proving grounds.