My daughter is in her 30's. When she was young she was tested as a gifted and talented person. She was very smart but also extremely stubborn. I even read a book "The Strong Willed Child" and other type books when she was only 4. She was extremely difficult to discipline. I tried time outs, spanking, reward charts etc but everything would just be worse and not change her behavior. Back then there were not the resources they have now to help us deal with her. She was totally unique. I loved her and still love her very much. I would praise her for her accomplishments. I would even put inspirational sayings and notes in her lunch box. I always had to walk very carefully when dealing with her to not set her off. Then she became a teenager and was really really even more difficult. She would be extremely hateful to me and call me psycho mom. Me and her dad divorced when she was 10. When I sat her down to discuss this with her and ask her if she had any questions all she said was "Can I have a cat now?"  Her dad is allergic to cats. So she always seemed fine with it. We even discussed a few times when she became an adult and she never has and to this day still does not blame anything on the divorce. I remarried and she was excited about that.  But as she got older, pre-teen, she was pretty hateful. Her step-dad would always let me handle it but when it got to be just too much he tried to intervene and talk to her. Just talk! She has held that against him to this day. When she was a teenager she did get into some trouble with alcohol and did some rebellious teenager things. No drugs....that I know of. So anyway, her dad and I put her in therapy... all 3 of us. Even though we were divorced we worked together for her. The therapist could not get her to open up really about anything. She was just real obstinate. Then at the end of her junior year in HS we had one of the principles recommend to us that she drop out of school. Get her GED and go on to college. That was extremely hard to accept but talking to one of the school specialists who I had known for years said it would be ok. So she did that. She went to college and got a degree and even later on she got her MBA! Then in her 20's she seemed to grow up and we got along better. She would even apologize to me for being so difficult when she was a teenager. She would tell me she would buy me a Lexus but that I deserve a Bentley. We had some good trips together. She was still a moody but not so hated. It was better. Fast forward to her start of her 30's she started being really hateful again. Then a couple of years ago she starts in on that there is no God and religion is fake etc! She never really used her degree career wise which I just wanted her to be happy but she wanted to live in the mountains so she could snowboard. But she has always had to struggle financially. It got to the point where she only seems to call me when she needs money. I couldn't keep bailing her out when she was choosyto live in a high cost of living ski town . I had my own retirement funds to think about for my future. Now .... she has gotten more and more hateful. She blames me for having the mental issues that she has and that I never got her help when she was young. She claims she has been suicidal since she was 10. We never ever knew there were any issues like that. She made all A's in school. Played sports and had lots of friends. Her "truth " of the memories is total opposite of what the real truth was. She is making me think I am the root of EVERYTHING wrong in her life instead of taking responsibility for her, remember, extremely hard headed, decisions she has made. My mental state is now suffering and she is trying to make me feel crazy and that I was a terrible horrible mom. Again, when she was a teenager we had her in therapy. I remind her of that but as usual she has a come back to EVERTHING I counter back. She says that therapy was a religious therapy and not a "science based" therapy! I am at my wits I end with her. I have been seeing g a therapist and she brought up the fact that it sounds like she is gas lighting me. Has anyone ever dealt with a grown child that has emotionally abused you?  How do you handle that. It's almost like she is acting like a narcissist.