It does get better. You are intelligent and you have a big heart - I can tell just from the way you write this. I see every indication that you are strong enough and capable enough to come to terms with the past and rise up to the challenge.

It takes time and its really hard, but you can do it and it does get better :)

I want to believe it...

I know time heals wounds. I am impatient. I want peace now!
New memories replace the space that once held so much grief... its the reliving of those times that is overbearing. Taunting that impulse to self destruct. If my place is here show me which way to go... I am lost

My dear--

I know, precisely how you feel-- and I am going to give you some unconventional advice.

Stop :)

Just stop.

You are intensely powerful... And you can exert your power over these thought patterns, using the right skills.

Let's work through this together.

Use distraction skills, maybe even self soothing skills :)

Make a list, right now of things that delight you... That absolutely intoxicate you with joy... Things that are POSITIVE.

You can do it, right here, right now.

Watch your favorite movie.

For me, it's March of The Penguins. No matter how I feel, no matter what thoughts creep through my mind-- I can hit the stop button.

And... It begins with popping March of The Penguins right into my DVD player.

I use March of the Penguins as an example... But it can be anything, really. Music, movies, a quiet walk outdoors, crafting...

There are so many beautiful, bright things that you can do that will OUTSHINE those thoughts.

But, please, please remember... You can do this.

You are STRONG.

We just need to dig into that reserve of strength using the right tools.

If you need help, feel free to message me.

I've been there, and you can get out :)

Best wishes!

Thank you patientangel, I really needed to read this. My week has been bad to say the least so this really helped hearing things I need to use to stop these bad thoughts.

I used to feel like you do but i am a lot better now due to taking Zoloft and my counsellor who i've been seeing for nearly 4 years, she has made me feel safe, safe enough to trust her that she will not leave me.

I need to be simple, i've been working on rejecting all the complicated from my life, no more reading books, i have to keep very simple and draw and colour

I want peace as well, I want peace so bad I usually go off on rage trying to find it in my life~~~~It sucks to know that so many people tell me peace is already in your life, when they have no idea of my past.

You are looking for the same lining all historians have been looking for for years.
You are doing what the collective is thinking. On different levels.

What you do with yourself, is what you think with yourself.

.