I strongly believe my girlfriend has narcissistic personality disorder.

I've looked it up on Wikipedia, as I always tend to do when posed with a piquing mental disorder. And not just the diagnostic criteria matches her, but the causes do, also. Young adults with NPD are often either excessively praised as a child or excessively neglected, and from what I understand, she had a very rough childhood. Even now, situations are being mimicked. Her dad's never been there, and her mom hardly shows care towards her.

It also mentions that NPD can be a reaction to shame. I don't know all too much about her past... She doesn't like to talk about it -- although she loves to drop vague hints that she had a rough past, all playing into that "please pity me, my life is so much worse than yours" thing. But, anyway, I know that there are a lot of things she feels ashamed about. She's consumed in self-hatred, which is contradicting and ironic, unless we're talking about the hypervigilant subtype, in which case, it actually outlines her well -- if I'm not mistaken.

Getting on with it, though... It's really been hurting me, lately. My mom has told me that people with NPD are very difficult to maintain a relationship with, and she says I'm the best victim for them. And I can see why she'd say that. I'm awful at doing things for myself. I can't focus on my own problems when those I love are hurting. And I'm horribly in love with her. I'd be absolutely fine with throwing all of my attention into her morale, if only she'd do the same for me. But she lacks so much empathy, it's sickening. When I try and confide in her, she somehow finds a way to turn it around and focus the subject on herself. When I tell her something that's wrong in my life, she'll either retaliate with a "similar experience" just to show she has "worse problems than I do", she'll get angry and/or blame me, or she'll just give me a vague answer and basically ignore it. The latter, she usually only does if it's not that big of a deal. But, still.

The Wikipedia article also mentions that they can be overly sensitive to criticism, and often feel rejected, humiliated, or threatened when criticized. Why, just today, our friend was flipping through her sketchbook, he commented on a picture, saying, "It looks like he has man-boobs," and she took it to heart and was seriously upset afterward, convinced he thought her sketch was terrible. Whenever anyone even slightly says something about her work that isn't clearly positive, she'll get angry or upset.

Hm. What other examples do I have...? Well, she's ridiculously hypocritical in most every aspect... I'm sure some of that plays into it. Like, there are two weeks every summer in which I go horseback riding one week and I go to work at food services in a music festival the other. I adore both of these occasions and they mean so much to me, but she hates when I even mention them. She says that it makes her feel like I don't love her just because I leave her for a couple weeks out of the entire year. And then, more than once, she'll discuss going on vacation with her mom for /months/ while I'm in the room. So, apparently, I'm not allowed to do what I love for two weeks if it means leaving her, while she's allowed to go on vacation for a couple months and leave me.

And, recently, she's gotten angry at me because I don't "initiate" things with her enough. Apparently I don't hold her hand enough, and she says she always has to start up these things because I won't, and I don't cuddle her enough, et cetera. That really made me upset. I can't believe she doesn't see how much I do for her. In her eyes, if I'm not paying my absolute full attention on her, then nothing I do means a thing. First of all, the only reason I don't initiate things often is because she flat-out told me that she doesn't want to be public. I can understand and I'll be patient, but I guess she doesn't see that it entails me keeping my distance from her when we're not alone together. But, no, she's pretty oblivious. She's the kind of person who needs everyone to love her and she needs to clearly see it, lest she feels horrible because she's under the delusion that everyone hates her just because one person didn't say hi to her when they passed by.

I don't know. I've just gotten into griping now. I really don't know if she has this disorder. I don't know if I have my facts straight, either. Which is why I need advice. I know none of you can diagnose her, but I'm sure some of you have some sort of experience with people at least similar. I'd love to know what I should do... Should I tell her directly what I think? Should I just discuss with her how I feel? The thing is, though, whenever I talk to her, it's the same old story. She tells me that she didn't know I feel that way, she's so sorry, she'll change, but then she doesn't do a thing about it. It happens every time. This is such an unhealthy, stressful relationship, but I just love her so much... I couldn't bring myself to leave her, but lately, the thought's been crossing my mind. I don't want it to end. I adore this girl. Please, help.