hi, the name's kristopher.  i'm new to this site and this is my first time posting (my counselor recommended this site to me).  i'm a 17 year old doing full time high school and college at the same time, i'm transgender, i'm stuck in an emotionally abusive/racist/homophobic/transphobic household (well at least until i get kicked out for dating outside my race), i'm a csa survivor, and to top it all off i've been diagnosed with bpd, gad, social anxiety, and major depression (i also have some symptoms of insomnia, ptsd, and hpd).  i've exhibited these illness ever since i was 13-14 but didn't have access to therapy and diagnoses until just recently. basically my entire extistence is a clusterf*ck of being worthless and damaged beyond repair.  anyways yeah, i'm trying out this site since i have to exhaust Literally All Non-Medicine Methods of "getting better" first because one of my parents is very anti-medicine and ablest.  just wanted to say hi to everyone!  i'm currently dissociating hardcore (and those suicidal ideation thoughts are trying to poke into my thought bubble) after a breakdown (girlfriend got jealous of me making a fictional character my wallpaper when i rely heavily on fiction and maladaptive daydreams about fictional characters to cope with how i feel like a disgusting monster since my fantasies involve me being praised and loved).  anyone got tips on how to ground yourself and stop the Dissociation Train (tm), asides from stuff like "count things related to your senses" since i already tried that?  thanks in advance!