Personality Disorders Support Group

Personality disorders form a class of mental disorders that are characterized by long-lasting rigid patterns of thought and behaviour. Personality disorders are seen by the American Psychiatric Association as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it.

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Fear of being alone

PokemonKid
PokemonKid
I have this crippling fear of being alone. Due to that I find myself often unhappy in relationships because I form them out of fear, loneliness, and boredom. I am told that is something common with borderline personality. Loneliness and boredom. Does anyone else have this problem?
I'm truly scared I will never have a normal functioning relationship because I am caught in a limbo of not having feelings for the person I am with and not wanting to be alone. It's like the relationship is to fill the void of something that can never be filled.

I know I need to take a break from relationships and focus on myself and getting better. But that fear is so strong. I don't know how to overcome it. I feel even more lonely when I'm with someone because I feel like everything is a lie and I'm just settling for anyone that will take me.
walkingthewhiteline
walkingthewhiteline
I'm borderline and did/do the same stuff you described.

If you are interested in borderlines, read "I Hate You--Don't Leave Me.
PokemonKid
PokemonKid
Actually I have read that book. My therapist actually gave it to me. And thank you for the feedback! I really appreciate it. It's nice to know I'm not alone.
CrossingtheBorder
CrossingtheBorder
I am 39 yrs old. Diagnosed BPD at 24. I did this for the first time ever, 4 months ago. I've been seeing this guy who is way below my standards and he irritates the crap out of me but because I am so tired of being alone and I need help in life (i don't have a family) I am tolerating this person in my life. I don't have a fear of being alone but now that I am getting older and slowing down I am realizing that I am not the strong independent person that I was in my 20's that I need someone around that can help me in life. It's getting harder and harder to manage life. Even just having someone to give me a ride to the airport is a struggle cause there is no one that cares for me. I am usually good about not dating guys I am not into but man life just forces you into those situations sometimes. It must be so irritating to be stuck between this rock and a hard place. This guy irritates me so damn much but I am probably more irritated at myself cause I am only dating him so I have help in life. I can tell you that being alone isn't as scary as you think it is. I think you can keep these men as friends that can help you when you need it but you don't need to have them as boyfriends.
PokemonKid
PokemonKid
Thank you, CrossingTheBorder! It's really good to hear that I'm not alone. It's so nice of you to share your story with me. Did you ever break up with that man? How did you cope?
DeliAnnem
DeliAnnem
Crossing- you are using him. That's not good. I'd just focus my efforts on being a nicer, better person so you can develop better FRIENDships with people who will drive you to the airport. OR, get a bus schedule.

If you are afraid of being alone, it's because you fear your own company for some reason. It means somebody told you at a young age you are worthless. OR, you never saw a strong, independent person and how they live with a good self esteem.

The only way to get good at being alone is to... yep- practice being alone. It's like running- you'll be scared at first, get tired and hit the wall, but then you'll break through and realize that you CAN do it!

Only way is to go for it. Journaling helps... : )
Razor91
Razor91
I was told the same thing, that boredom goes with BPD. I'm bored in every day life but not my relationships, I'm way to unstable to be bored in my relationships lol.
Well with BPD, the fear of abandonement comes, doing anything to keep the other person happy and make them stay. Sometimes I can cling to a person, other times depending on the relationship I can be highly confident out of no where, that I don't need that person.