Personality Disorders Support Group

Personality disorders form a class of mental disorders that are characterized by long-lasting rigid patterns of thought and behaviour. Personality disorders are seen by the American Psychiatric Association as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it.

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Discarded by possible BPD ex

LadyNomad
LadyNomad

It has now been 2 weeks of "ghosting hell." I am sad, angry, and lonely. We were together 6 weeks (most of my relationships don't exceed this length of time, and I am almost 40).  He has a history of cutting, suicidal threats, is ademant "everybody leaves", hates himself, abrupt mood swings, and there's more.


Still, our relationship started fast and intense, and I was gullible to believe all the "idealizing" things he said to me. He even admitted to self sabotaging relationships in his past and pushing people away (not just girlfriends). Everything was perfect 3 days before I was severed, or so I thought. I admit to placing him on my own pedestal because I am so lonely for a long term relationship. I tried to politely contact him a few times after the first couple of ghosting days, noticed he was active online, so I was at least relieved nothing catastrophic happened. He is not the only Cluster B I have dated. Yes, some of my family had "Cluster B" traits, so I am now in therapy to try to change this pattern of attraction. I also have Asperger's which has also contributed to relationship problems. More of a vent post, really.....thanks for listening. Mods, feel free to move to different section if you think it more appropriate elsewhere.

wafflesaucw
wafflesaucw
No contact. No contact. No contact. Go to Therapy to break your “trauma bond.” Attend CoDA meetings and work the steps. You’re not alone. You matter. You deserve to be happy and to be treated well. It’s hard, you’re sad/depressed, wounded, hurt, feel helpless, angry, etc. Remember that you are not responsible for his behavior or actions. You need to make yourself happy and only you can do it. Everyday you will get stronger. Don’t give up,! Take care of you. Read literature about CoDA, BPD, narcissism. Cry, write, talk to others who understand, find your supporters and don’t isolate yourself. You’re loved. It sucks now but it will get better and you won’t allow anyone to control, manipulate or hurt you ever again.
LadyNomad
LadyNomad
Thank you so much for your kind words. It has now been a little over a month, and still attending therapy once or twice a week. One bit of progress I've made is I'm not crying most days like I did the first few weeks.....yes, still no contact, no checking his social media etc.....
Crzypopmac
Crzypopmac
Looking for a place to vent, wife seems to be bpd, fits many of the criteria as far as I am able to see, what concerns me us the sheer volume of the run away and never look back stuff I have read on line few comments that are the opposite, yet if fear of abandonment is the primary focus of the pwbpd abandoning them is not the thing to do, given the high tendencies for suicide in bpd folks...aside from all of this I love her dearly mac
LadyNomad
LadyNomad
Since we do not suffer from a PD, we cannot understand what is going through their heads when they behave certain ways.
Regarding that abandonment thing: true, there are some BPDers who are clingy or pick fights if you show signs of leaving, but, like you said Mac, ALOT of what I have both read online and experienced firsthand, these people take off first! Yes. Their fear of abandonment is SO intense they must FEEL like the one ultimately in control, so they jump ship because "eventually, we will leave him/her anyway." Gosh, I don't know if that's the best explanation of the devalue/discard phase of BPD. Like I said, we cannot fathom this if we are unaffected with PD.
I am still in therapy once a week to heal.
Crzypopmac
Crzypopmac
Thanks for responding to my vent, have done a lot of reading about pwBPD since I realized she has many of the symptoms of BPD , including a history of incest by her father and a distant seemingly emotionally unavailable mother, multiple short term intimate relationships that according to her terminated due to something her partner did....I am husband number 4, we married after a year, and she "split me" and was gone in less than 5 months....complicated by her binge drinking (which she continues to do since she left), indicating that alcohol abuse is "co morbid " if I am using the term correctly, and given her prior history of hosp for suicide attempts years ago (something I was unaware of) I am reluctant to just "walk away" especially as she liked to get drunk and call me on the phone verbalizing suicidal ideation, knowing I suppose that my reaction would be sympathetic...tempting to put it all off to manipulation...but as I observed the actual successful suicide rates of pwBPD is very HIGH....and God help me, I love her MAC
LadyNomad
LadyNomad
I'm sorry you're experiencing this. It is extremely difficult to go NC (no contact), but that is the best we can do for ourselves.
She certainly could have been manipulative when she threatened suicide, but I get what you're saying. It is very normal to be concerned.
Although I was not with my dude for long, NC has been difficult, but one easy thing about NC is I am terrified of learning something happened to him by his own hand. He said he has attempted or contemplated suicide in the past, so I cannot know if he goes through with it.
Still imperative to address if pwBPD commit or attempt suicide, it is still NOT on us. It is on the terrible illness they suffer.
sunshinewish
sunshinewish
I personally have BPD but there are different traits luckily I don't have all of them including threats of suicide and cutting people off but I do understand it and I agree that it is not your responsibility if someone threatens suicide that is wrong. That said though I think there may be a connection with abuse and narcissistic parents which is why some people have some traits of it but not always understanding where it has.come from it can't be addressed right? I'm no expert but I have narc parents and abandonment issues,The illness is hard but I guess if the person has cut you off they may not feel good enough and are scared to love and be abandoned.