I didn't give it a good enough try to say yay or nay, I found the group to be very, very insulting to me. It felt very childish, like starting all over...which in sense, you do have to relearn coping mechanisms, thinking strategies, ect...but at that time I had just been diagnosed and thrown in a group of "idiots" that couldn't answer any of the questions they were asking and I just wanted to strangle their asses and send them back to grade 2. Whoa, I'm ok lol.

Anyways, there are online dbt guides to read through if you are interested to see if this is for you. It all depends on how much you want to put into it I suppose, if you would benefit from group or individual care, if you are ready to basically give up everything you know at the moment and hand it over...me being a control freak that hates groups of people that class would not be good for me. Talk to your pdoc and look up dbt online and see what you guys can come up with. Best of luck.

Thanks, I have not actually been diagnosed with it but after much research this past week I am pretty much thinking several of my family members have it, my mom, myself, and my niece. I do know my mom was quite abusive when we were growing up, from calling us sluts and whores, hitting us with her fists, throwing tantrums and destroying our rooms to make us clean them if we didn't clean it to her satisfaction in the first place, locking us out in the snow with no coat or shoes for 15 minutes. She is more of the control type, I have so much trouble expressing my feelings without getting frustrated sometimes and blowing up. My symptoms are so much worse when I'm around either of them especially my mom. Wish I could avoid her more but she guilt's me if I do.

I don't mind groups of people but would probably feel stupid being treated like a child. I have ordered a couple of books on dbt and going to try it on my own before I get a therapist. I'm sure menopause isn't helping either.

I am not at menopause yet but I could see that not helping the situation definitely. You sort of described my childhood and the treatment of myself and my siblings. That you said your mom still does that, I think you are pretty smart to see that. I sometimes struggle with my mom and she has taken a step back away from me, I feel, because now I am doing what she used to do and she doesn't like it. I don't physically hurt her but have blown up many times this past year, screaming and crying and have felt terrible after. Things will be going good and then another issues comes up and the last one isn't forgotten so again it becomes me screaming at her. It is no way to live, for anyone, I hate living like this...I hate even more that my mom especially as well as my husband have to wait for the next freak out. It's not fair to them yet I am too selfish to walk away because I love them and need them. Sorry, went off topic there but back to the dbt, one woman on here on here that I have met is really big on mindfulness. I think you learn that in the group and I know when I emphasize on mindfulness during my times of stress it really gets me through.

I didn't complete the group...but yes, I did attend the group therapy that was doing DBT. I think it would be good for anyone!!! Not just those with BPD. However, I believe that if you're going for a group...you have to fit a certain criteria in order to get in. That might just be here...but, that's what I think.

You can always get the workbook for DBT if you can't get into the actual group. I found it to be quite helpful..though it does require a lot of work on your part in order for the program(like any other) to work properly. Is it perfect?? No...but it IS helpful. At least to most. I just never finished it.

Sounds like you and me have a lot in common Chaotic at least through childhood. My mom still tries to maintain her control over me which is where the blowups happen. I am the one trying to take the step back and she makes me feel guilty for it. Which leads to my next question, can I successfully complete a program like that while still having much contact with her. I actually wrote her a letter explaining that I'm not trying to be mean to her just trying to do what's best for me right now because she would never listen if I tried to tell her verbally. She won't admit she even has a problem.

Impulsive, did you think group therapy helped more or less than trying it on your own.

Agreed though that this is a horrible way to live and I feel bad for my poor husband, can't believe he stayed with me for 25 years so far, probably because he prides himself on not being a quitter.

One thing I have learned is that boundaries are not for other people, they are for yourself. So if you and your mom go shopping and she yells at the clerk every time and it makes you mad/embarrassed/ect. they you tell yourself that you won't be going shopping anymore with her. You don't have to be mean to people or insult them when you are setting boundaries. If you are having a bad day and the phone rings, thank the Gods of technology that there is caller ID now lol. If you want to talk to your mom and she starts spinning you into one of her webs you just tap where you talk into and say "Mom, I have another call and I have to take this". I think if you cut her off completely then you will be stuck dwelling on the guilt, the is she ok's, the I wonder what mom is doingings. Unless you really need to cut her off, I am not sure the extent of how bad it is. Back to boundaries though, just remember they are for you and you don't need to speak them to anyone else.

nope, i found it useless. i felt that i should stick flowers in my hair and move to san francisco. but i know others who found it fantastic. everything is not for everyone, just give it a try and see.

good points, thanks everyone.

I do not have a personality disorder, but I was married for 24 years to a man I'm now convinced has narcissistic personality disorder (couldn't figure it out until after I was out from under his passive-aggressive power). I ran across a book by Dr. Young on schema therapy that is good for any kind of personality disorder, called "Reinventing Your LIfe" (after I read his excellent book, Schema Therapy, that described my husband to a T, and showed compassionate yet no-nonsense ways to help him). We are now seeing each other occasionally, and the suggestions in the book are really helping. The only thing I didn't like about the book is the title, that says, "and feel good AGAIN" - since he has never truly felt loved in his entire life, how can he feel it AGAIN?
Hope that helps! Best wishes!
Miriam57

Miriam, I commend you on being so understanding about your ex's disorder and helping him through this. He is a lucky guy.

DBT is a good kind of structured therapy (group+individual therapy usually). But it is not the only kind. I'd start with it and see what you think.