Personality Disorders Support Group
Personality disorders form a class of mental disorders that are characterized by long-lasting rigid patterns of thought and behaviour. Personality disorders are seen by the American Psychiatric Association as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it.
Hi Everyone,
Ive been diagnosed by BPD a couple of years ago, but had a mild version of it since I can remember. I feel like its worse than ever.
I should be ecstatic. I managed to leave an abusive relationship (3 years now), have a daughter thats growing beautifully, have a new boyfriend who worships me, have a good job, great friends, and i still have time for my hobbies. This would be enough for anyone to be happy, right!? But instead of seeing everything thats positive, i see the negative. Especially when it has to do with my boyfriend. Bless his heart, hes trying so hard to be supportive, but its so hard with me. I recently managed to get him cast in an action movie with an actor that he idolizes. He has to be in another city for this for 2 weeks. Thats perfectly fine. But this is where the problem arises now:
Trigger: Hes somewhere where I am not and having a good time.
I feel left out. Whatever hes doing is more fun than me.
Trigger:Sent me photos only after I asked him to send me some. He took them before but didnt send them to me until now.
Who is he sending them to and why am I not the only one he takes them for? Why doesnt he share this experience with me?
Trigger:Going to dinner without telling me more info; vague.Just says "off do dinner now. Ill text you again later."
I feel left out. Im worth so little that he doesnt even tell me more?
Why cant I just be happy for him?
Why cant i just let him do his thing, and be happy when he rights instead of questioning everything and then consequently devalue him.
I realize everything im doing is irrational, but my emotions win over. Logic and emotions dont correlate!! HELP
Ive been diagnosed by BPD a couple of years ago, but had a mild version of it since I can remember. I feel like its worse than ever.
I should be ecstatic. I managed to leave an abusive relationship (3 years now), have a daughter thats growing beautifully, have a new boyfriend who worships me, have a good job, great friends, and i still have time for my hobbies. This would be enough for anyone to be happy, right!? But instead of seeing everything thats positive, i see the negative. Especially when it has to do with my boyfriend. Bless his heart, hes trying so hard to be supportive, but its so hard with me. I recently managed to get him cast in an action movie with an actor that he idolizes. He has to be in another city for this for 2 weeks. Thats perfectly fine. But this is where the problem arises now:
Trigger: Hes somewhere where I am not and having a good time.
I feel left out. Whatever hes doing is more fun than me.
Trigger:Sent me photos only after I asked him to send me some. He took them before but didnt send them to me until now.
Who is he sending them to and why am I not the only one he takes them for? Why doesnt he share this experience with me?
Trigger:Going to dinner without telling me more info; vague.Just says "off do dinner now. Ill text you again later."
I feel left out. Im worth so little that he doesnt even tell me more?
Why cant I just be happy for him?
Why cant i just let him do his thing, and be happy when he rights instead of questioning everything and then consequently devalue him.
I realize everything im doing is irrational, but my emotions win over. Logic and emotions dont correlate!! HELP
I can totally see why you'd feel this way if you were damaged from an abusive situation.
He did text you that he was going to dinner... why did he need to give you more? He took photos... why do you go to a place that it's for someone else??? I presume you are in show biz... so you do realize that this is to document his work to self promote, right?
You're just being insecure because you were hurt in the past, so you're just trying to regulate your emotions...
I'd read Thicht Naht Hahn. (sp?) He's great for helping to quell the monsters of fear, anxiety, anger and pain.
Hang in there... You can learn from this and come out better.
I admire you wanting to help him and setting him up with something that wound up causing you to suffer... So many people would want to hold their partner back.
Hugs.
I know that I am terrified of my friends leaving me. When I even just think that they are losing interest in me I have a bit of a freak out.
He might be having a good time, yes, but he clearly loves you if he's trying so hard to support you.
I so VERY much hear what u sayin and im so amazed that im discovering people on this site that seem to also experience various similar things i thought i was only goin thru!
Seriously i HEAR you! Theres so many painful things about these states we are in, but one of them is the CONTRADICTION of emotions! The things we want to do for them, or want them to be -for their OWN good, often are the things that can hurt us or jeopordize our own state of being. Dammit !
How do we survive this!!!