I think several of us feel that way at times. We would be missed though. As much as my boys sigh and complain about the things I ask them to do, they love my husband and me like crazy. My cat would miss me. People that I question ever cared about me would suddenly wonder how I was doing.
We need help-meds. & therapy not bars.

They said it would take years. I don't have years. My kids will be grown by then, will my husband be able to put up with me for years?

You don't need to be locked up! unless you've killed someone.....you havent have you?!

Hey hang on, we make this place seem 'normal', you don't need to be locked up in a mental hospital.

My kids and my husband don't deserve this crap from me either. In order to keep from screaming at everyone or having another nervouse break down I stay in my room 80% of the time.

I think of turning myself in to be locked up in a nice padded room...but that would be easy to drop everything...I would then wish I had it all back and want out but at that point they would realise what I am and not let me out. Ma it be fear of not being released or the need to fight on...Anyways hang in there...and if you need somebody to talk to, I am a good listener.

I remember when they told me it takes years of treatment for BPD. With the correct balance of meds. I have been able to re-join life to a degree that my family and children are pleased with. At times I still have panic attacks and change my mind about going out, but I can usually handle some outings.
My sons are always so happy when mom comes along. They are also understanding when mom just isn't feeling well and needs to rest or go to her room to write.
Sometimes I have the same feelings that my husband should lock me up and get a more suitable mom for the boys, but then that down period passes and I realize there is no substitute for mom.
My boys are spending more time with their grandparents(due to my husband's illness), but they know where home is and are most comfortable here with us.
Yes, it may take years, but you can still be an active part of their lives. Meds. helped for me to become more balanced and active in their lives.
My son is graduating from the fifth grade tomorrow. I already have my clothes picked out and am ready to be apart of such an exciting day for him.
I must admit I was not always to this level of engagement. There were many important basketball games-etc. I missed in the beginning, but it can get better.
Tamara

It's not going to take years to start the process. Everything you do to help yourself is a step in the right direction. Stick with it and you will see things come together. Hang in there. ((HUGS))