passive-aggressive Community Group
Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive resentment, stubbornness, procrastination, sullenness, or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is assumed, often explicitly, to be responsible or "conveniently forget". It is a defense mechanism sometimes subconscious bahavior taking over. For example, people who are passive-aggressive might take so...
I have been with my husband for 2 years, and we have a 6 month old daughter together. I have noticed that there is a trend in his behaviour that I find strange. It seems that he always resists doing things for people if he thinks that someone wants him to do something. That sounds weird, I know, so I will give you examples. We have a roommate, and usually they take turns mowing the lawn. If my husband feels like doing it, even when it isn't his turn, he will, and never complain. However, if the roommate asks him to do something, he will say yes, but he either will not do it, or will, but complain for days, even if it was something he was going to do anyway. Another thing is, if he's playing with the cats, and holding them, he will not put them down if they try to get down. He never does this if they seem to be enjoying being held, only if they really want to get down, then he will hold them til they are frantic. Another thing, if our daughter wants to be picked up, he will not pick her up. He likes playing with her, but won't if she cries to be picked up, he just ignores her.
He does the whole "forgetting" thing, and the procrastinating when he doesn't want to do something, like go to my parents. He stalls when he doesnt want to go somewhere, but won't tell me that he doesnt want to go, and gets mad when I suggest it. Every time I disagree with him on anything, or try to discuss an issue I'm having, he accuses me of trying to pick a fight and shuts me down. He does not make himself available for discussion of any emotional or relationship issues. I have 2 older children, but will not under any circumstances take any advice on raising our daughter. He will say something like, 'oh, since you have kids already you think you're an expert" and won't listen. Fact is, he has no other kids, and hasn't spent much time around little kids, and I have.
I accept that a lot of this is that he just cant STAND thinking he's being told what to do, so he resists as hard as possible.
The worst issue I have, though, is with our relationship. I am his second wife, and he is 42, so has had a few relationships before. He is always saying that I am perfect for him, that he has never met anyone like me, and that we have so much in common. I think this is partially because I am not very demanding on his time or energy. I am easy. It backfires, however, when I want something from him. If I say that I want some more quality time together, or affection, or whatever, he definitely will not give me any. He won't do it BECAUSE I asked for it. He says I should let him do it his own way, but he doesn't do it at all. He rarely hugs me or kisses me, almost never compliments anything, be it my appearance, cooking, whatever.If I ever say I'm not happy, he accuses me of wanting to cheat on him. He seems to hate it when I talk about anything besides things he likes, and god forbid I interrupt him. He does this to everyone, friends and family included, but since they don't live with him or have to keep up a relationship, they just think it's funny. He has to be the center of attention all the time, just so he can tell everyone how much his life sucks. He doesn't realize how that makes me feel. I think he really has no empathy at all, and just can't put himself in other people's shoes.
Is this passive agressive behaviour? I don't know.
I'm tired of getting punished for wanting affection. I'm tired of getting accused of planning to leave him or cheat on him. I'm tired of him doing the same thing to our little baby. I am not going to leave him, I love him and think he's a good man. He's just very self absorbed. I guess I just needed a place to vent. Thanks for listening
He does the whole "forgetting" thing, and the procrastinating when he doesn't want to do something, like go to my parents. He stalls when he doesnt want to go somewhere, but won't tell me that he doesnt want to go, and gets mad when I suggest it. Every time I disagree with him on anything, or try to discuss an issue I'm having, he accuses me of trying to pick a fight and shuts me down. He does not make himself available for discussion of any emotional or relationship issues. I have 2 older children, but will not under any circumstances take any advice on raising our daughter. He will say something like, 'oh, since you have kids already you think you're an expert" and won't listen. Fact is, he has no other kids, and hasn't spent much time around little kids, and I have.
I accept that a lot of this is that he just cant STAND thinking he's being told what to do, so he resists as hard as possible.
The worst issue I have, though, is with our relationship. I am his second wife, and he is 42, so has had a few relationships before. He is always saying that I am perfect for him, that he has never met anyone like me, and that we have so much in common. I think this is partially because I am not very demanding on his time or energy. I am easy. It backfires, however, when I want something from him. If I say that I want some more quality time together, or affection, or whatever, he definitely will not give me any. He won't do it BECAUSE I asked for it. He says I should let him do it his own way, but he doesn't do it at all. He rarely hugs me or kisses me, almost never compliments anything, be it my appearance, cooking, whatever.If I ever say I'm not happy, he accuses me of wanting to cheat on him. He seems to hate it when I talk about anything besides things he likes, and god forbid I interrupt him. He does this to everyone, friends and family included, but since they don't live with him or have to keep up a relationship, they just think it's funny. He has to be the center of attention all the time, just so he can tell everyone how much his life sucks. He doesn't realize how that makes me feel. I think he really has no empathy at all, and just can't put himself in other people's shoes.
Is this passive agressive behaviour? I don't know.
I'm tired of getting punished for wanting affection. I'm tired of getting accused of planning to leave him or cheat on him. I'm tired of him doing the same thing to our little baby. I am not going to leave him, I love him and think he's a good man. He's just very self absorbed. I guess I just needed a place to vent. Thanks for listening
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
My husband was exactly the same as yours. I ended up leaving. 27 years together and his weird ways finally took their toll on me. I eventually did return, 2 years later which is a whole different story. He has told me he rejected before he got rejected. If i spent another 27 tears trying to work him out i never would be able to.
Do you know much about his childhood? was he one of those boys that had to be seen and not heard? Whats his relationship like with his mother? What kind of mother was she?
shrek xxx
You know what sucks? He knows all this. He knows he has problems, and knows he's unhappy much of the time, but he absolutely refuses to get help. He thinks all psychologists are loudmouth know-it-alls like Dr. Phil, and that they're all frauds and don't know what they're doing. I think it's because they were forced to go to a councellor when they were kids, and their mother coached them on what to say so she wouldn't get in trouble, and since the councellor couldn't see through it, now they think they all are frauds. He also went to marriage councelling with his first wife, but obviously didn't hear that it was all her fault like he wanted to, so that lady had to be a fraud too. I don't know many details, but they did go to 4 or 5 different councellors before they divorced.
Sorry for writing so much more. I love him, or I would never stay. He has moments where he is a wonderful person to be around, he's funny and witty, and affectionate. It just seems that I spend so much time waiting for these rare moments. It just recently got so that he could look me in the eye when we talk. He never could before, so maybe it's getting better. I don't know. Thanks for listening.
sounds to me like he has control issues and is sadistic. i have a journal on psychopath from september so if you go to my journal (if it lets you as ds has troubles for passed couple of months or a year depending on who you talk to. lol.)
is he worth staying with as i don't think psychopaths should be around living things at all. what was his father in jail for, as a lot of criminals are psychopaths and they think its genetic, just like schizophrenia.
he could go back to college and study things like psychology and early childhood education and sales and learn to become a normal person by studying, instead of going to a psychologist and getting nothing out of it. when psychologists get their masters and phd's they have to go through clinical psychoanalysis of themselves, it could help him and he could make money counselling others if he overcame his troubles.
however, if he is a psychopath he is dangerous no matter what he does.
i also don't like his treatment of animals. that's disgusting. how about no pets, since he sucks at that? and does he do this to your daughter as well?
Past as prologue: Psychopaths were more likely to use the past tense, suggesting a detachment from their crimes, say the researchers. They tended to be less fluent in their speech, using more "ums" and "uhs." The exact reason for this is not clear, but the researchers speculate that the psychopath is trying harder to make a positive impression, needing to use more mental effort to frame the story.
"Previous work has looked at how psychopaths use language," Hancock said. "Our paper is the first to show that you can use automated tools to detect the distinct speech patterns of psychopaths." This can be valuable to clinical psychologists, he said, because the approach to treatment of psychopaths can be very different.
Mahmut and Stevenson looked at whether a poor sense of smell was linked to higher levels of psychopathic tendencies, among 79 non-criminal adults living in the community. First they assessed the participants' olfactory ability as well as the sensitivity of their olfactory system. They also measured subjects' levels of psychopathy, looking at four measures: manipulation; callousness; erratic lifestyles; and criminal tendencies. They also noted how much or how little they empathized with other people's feelings.
The researchers found that those individuals who scored highly on psychopathic traits were more likely to struggle to both identify smells and tell the difference between smells, even though they knew they were smelling something. These results show that brain areas controlling olfactory processes are less efficient in individuals with psychopathic tendencies.
The authors conclude: "Our findings provide support for the premise that deficits in the front part of the brain may be a characteristic of non-criminal psychopaths. Olfactory measures represent a potentially interesting marker for psychopathic traits, because performance expectancies are unclear in odor tests and may therefore be less susceptible to attempts to fake good or bad responses."
I hope that all the stuff he experienced when he was younger, he's not putting anyone/thing else through as well. Yes...his mother was a HORRIBLE mother!!!! He deserves to hear it!!! He may love his mother...but by the sounds of it...I doubt it.
As 79pounds said, if he is a psychopath, you should get away from him. They may need some sort of caring person in their lives...but they're unable to understand or comprehend the feelings of caring!! Or love. Sadistic behaviour definitely arises from lack of affection. Sometimes thoughts can traumatize someone(as they have me), sometimes they can fascinate someone(also as they have me)....but not everyone who's sadistic....is necessarily a psychopath either.
this is from the internet:
"psychopaths are violent and anti-social people who know what they are doing. They may use passive aggressive attitude to hide their violence. Yet, they are violent. I also believe that a psychopath can also be a sadist.
sociopathic people don't know what hurts other people's feeling and not.
sadistic people know what hurts others emotionally & enjoy doing them.
Sadistic personality disorder is a pervasive pattern of cruel, demeaning, and aggressive behaviour, beginning by early adulthood, as indicated by the repeated occurrence of at least four of the following:
he/she used physical cruelty or violence for the purpose of establishing dominance in a relationship (not merely to achieve some non interpersonal goal, such as striking someone in order to rob him or her);
humiliates or demeans people in the presence of others;
has treated or disciplined someone under his or her control unusually harshly;
is amused by, or takes pleasure in, the psychological or physical suffering of others (including animals animals);
has lied for the purpose of harming or inflicting pain on others (not merely to achieve some other goal);
gets other people to do what he or she wants by frightening them (through intimidation or even terror);
restricts the autonomy of people with whom he or she has a close relationship, e.g., will not let spouse leave the house unaccompanied or permit teen-age daughter to attend social functions;
is fascinated by violence, weapons, injury, or torture;
the behaviour has not been directed toward only one person and has not been solely for the purpose of sexual arousal (as in sexual sadism).
Most sadists like torture more than they like sex, and it is customary to refer to the three D's of sadism in this regard --
Dread, Dependency, and Degradation -- or in other words, the desire to create fear in the victim, make the victim completely helpless (dependent on the sadist), and humiliate the victim.
Definition
A sadist is clinically defined as a person who demonstrates a long-standing maladaptive pattern of cruel, demeaning, and aggressive behavior towards others.
Symptoms include: a period of activity of at least six months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving real acts (not simulated) in which the psychological (humiliation) or physical suffering of a victim is sexually exciting.
In criminology, sadism is often inferred from carefully examining crime scene behavior, and it's a common pattern (Sadistic aspect) linking many crimes.
In forensic science, wound pattern analysis tends to point to evidence of sadism or not. As with many sexual crimes, victimology is important, and where rape shield laws prevent inquiring into the victim's sexual history, a 24-hour timeline will have to be used.
There are essential two (2) elements that constitute the actus reus of sadism:
deliberate sexual torture of a living victim without consent; (any living thing, animal or human)
evidence of a prolonged event or series of prolonged events. (any living thing, animal or human)
Read more: http://monstropedia.org/index.php?title=Sadism#ixzz2SwXIBQ6I