I'm a caregiver to my husband. I feel I've been cheated because we were married in 2004 and he was diagnosed in 2005!! Damn, we were still newly weds, I was soooo happy. For a long time he did fine, no outward signs of pd then BAM!! it was written all over his face and body. He had to retire on peanuts and I must admit, it's been difficult for me, as a woman. I married a "buff" police officer who was strong and I knew could protect me. Now, he has lost 40 pds, most of his muscle mass and looks like a different guy. I do see him "weak and sick, because he is, he can't help it. I try not to focus on it for I have to be the bread winner and keep our finances afloat. It sucks but it is what it is. I'm not leaving, I love him too much, know he would be there if the shoe was on the other foot. Honestly, I think it's harder on the caregiver, the person with pd cannot see themselves like we can see them. I hope this offended no one, just wanted to answer honestly.

My feelings are a bit different from CathyMarb - but my husband and I were married 18 years before his symptoms started. He was also very strong and buff and athletic; built and remodeled homes, coached gymnastics. 13 years later, I am grateful he can shower and shave himself. Yes, his disability check is only 800.00 per month and I have to work beyond full time plus do all the work around the house and do all the hiring of handymen that do the work my husband used to be able to do. The thing that keeps me loving my husband and not being bitter is that HE is the one who is loosing his abilities. I am, at 60, still strong and healthy and grateful I can pick up the pieces for him so he doesn't feel guilty for being sick. He mentioned only once to me that I'd be better off without him. I told him to NEVER think that thought again. Every day he is here with me, is a blessing. My sadness comes when I see him suffer.

If there is a strong love between you both, then no matter what life throws at you, you will survive it and deal with the difficult times together. I think the key is communiction between you both. Plus you must keep the romance alive. That is so important. Just because you have Parkinson's doesn't mean you can't look and feel beautiful as I can see by your photo that you are an attractive lady. And I always say to myself that I have Parkinson's, it doesn't have me. I try very hard not to be a sufferer, I am a woman first.

CM - re-read my private comment to you about the sexual matters, hope it helps.

In my opinion, caregivers rock! No, things are not always fair and Cathy, you are an incredible lady. Thanks for your honesty and perspective.

Remember, the cure is coming!

I can already feel our relationship changing, just since his April diagnosis. He is down on himself because he's the man. He's supposed to be the big bad protector, blah blah blah. So I say, fine, protect us, but lead with your left! (His better side!) That makes him laugh. We both know that just because the dynamics in our marriage are changing, roles, etc., it doesn't change who we are. He is a family-first guy. But he needs to learn now that he needs to take care of himself first, before he can take care of us. That is a hard pill to swallow for him. I expect some future marriage counseling for us, which I am not ashamed at all to say. To anyone that cinges at the thought: since when is asking for help bad? I feel unappreciated a lot nowadays. I feel left out. I expressed this to my husband the other day, and he said, "yeah, join the club." At no point during my pity party (table for 1!) did I even think about how he felt. So, I guess the caregiver/patient relationship will be difficult, but this I can say for certain: in only 4 short months, we have come to understand ourselves, indvidually and as a couple, much more than we did before. Now, we have a purpose; a sense of partership and direction that we never had before. But as I keep reminding him to "use it or lose it" (His right hand), and then I see him do something with his right hand he hasn't been able to do in days, I know my role in this marriage is just where it is supposed to be. As his wife, caretaker, partner, lover, best friend and confidant.

Thanks everyone! Your answers have been extremely helpful.

I appreciate your honesty and can see how hard this is on all of you. I know I would feel some of the same things if my husband had PD. I agree with Schells - you all rock and are amazing women!!!!

My husband and I have a strong marriage and have been together for over 30 years now. He is my childhood sweetheart. We will somehow find a way to weather this challenge as we have all the previous ones.

I agree with you, Wifeoffireman2, counseling can be very helpful and we will not hesitate to seek it if necessary. Hopefully, our being forewarned of some of the hardships will help us better deal with them when the time comes.

Hugs to you wonderful ladies!!!! Your husbands are lucky men to have you in their lives.

Hi everyone :)
I'm new here and feel like I've found the right place to be! My husband was diagnosed not quite 2 years and I have been through a roller coaster of emotions! We have been together for 18 years, married 13, I'm only 40 and didn't think I'd be dealing with anything like this for at least another 20 years!
I'm glad I found you all!!