I am so sorry. You are in the "I can't stop thinking about it every second of every day and night" phase of disclosure. It will last for a while as your mind struggles to adjust to this awful new truth. It means completely rewiring your brain -- examining your assumptions and planning for the aftermath of a crisis, etc. -- in order to deal with this, so naturally your brain can't switch off. These thoughts will gradually become less intrusive in your daily life. It won't be fast, so take this time to learn to do deep breathing to help those moments pass: in through mouth, hold, release slowly through nose; repeat, until you are calmer.

2 years after...

That's how long it took me to stop obsessing, accept, not be shocked when new disclosures happened, not be depressed about the lack of justice we received and just try to live life to our best potential!

Factors that helped me to have closure:
-the police totally closed our cases against all 6 perp's Nov.. 2016 stating that unless others came forward our cases would never go to court.
-Child Protective Services closed our case, twice (New stuff was reported to a therapist, thus they reopened), with a seal of approval to allow our oldest son to live back in the home & we have a letter stating that all 5 of our kids are safe and not at risk for sexual abuse as of June 2016. I keep this near the door, just in case.
- We have excellent therapists for everyone, that believe all of our stories, that incorporate us parents into sessions whenever we want, most are EMDR certified and one of my kids had even "graduated" therapy although he will need to go back sooner than later. Therapy has regulated therefore we have a "normal" schedule (2 of us every week, 1 every other week, 1 every 3-4 weeks.)
- We have spiritual support in the form of every other week meetings/encouragement with our pastor. The kids are able to have their questions answered.
- We have normalized financially, no longer in panic survival mode. We actually have $ saved to go on a planned vacation this Fall!
-Everyone, for the most part, has come out of depression and has hope of a happy future.
- We have adjusted to our new social circles. This was very difficult and required a lot of perseverance and acceptance to fix.
- And in our case, no longer are there any medical crisis preventing us from moving forward!

So, yes, you'll get there, but it will take some work and adjustment. Just keep your goals in focus and work towards them and check in here to be encouraged whenever you need to!

Yes -- as warriormomx5 says, goals are important. Some that I hope you are already taking steps to meet are:
• reporting the abuse to the police
• finding a counselor for your son AND yourself
• enlisting the support of friends/family if possible, and other community help, including pastoral
Keep going. Your brain is telling you to do just that.

I'm there too. I've never been able to focus on anything for more than 5 minutes, and this single event manages to be in my every moment, no matter what I'm doing. At the risk of way too much info, I can't even be intimate with my husband because I can't put it out of my mind, and I now associate all things sexual with the event. I feel you.

And FTR... I think they don't think about it nearly as much as we do, if it's any consolation.

Unfortunately there are stages,maybe different for everyone.My worst was the "I want him dead,or at least to suffer" phase.It was exausting to plot everyday.Take it second by second and be kind to yourself

Angrymom79, I think it was about two years ago that a number of us contributed to a long thread about married sex after disclosure. Even if the perpetrator is not the father, this affects parents' sex life (I think probably more for the moms than the dads). I experienced the same thing -- took about a year before I could do anything again. I kept thinking how horribly my daughter had suffered. Back to normal now, but at this point in your journey what's normal is to process those boundaries: "allowed and loving sex that is MINE" and "abnormal and criminal sex that has nothing to do with me."

Somehow it's comforting to know that it isn't just me. My husband doesn't understand it, but he's very supportive and doesn't push me at all. I'm with helpme2017--I just want to stop thinking about it. So glad this group is here.

Thank you all, this group is great. I know we all want the best for our kids and you all make me hopeful that I can still try to provide the best for my son. The breathing has helped. I continue to tell myself and speak into existence that my son is healed and restored and will not be traumatized by this experience. I have reported the abuse. My son and I are in therapy. I am grateful for my immediate family. Prayer is really helping me. angrymom79 I think your right they don't think about it as much as us. Every time my son smile and laugh it makes me happy to know he still has so much joy. I know he is young and does not fully understand exactly what happen only that he didn't like it. So I am actually looking at him and thinking about how strong he is and that lets me know I have to be stronger. I know this is a part of the process for healing. Again thank you ladies, you truly are Godsends

I still think about it a LOT. It was 24/7 until I realized I needed a distraction, plus I was ready to have a dog after not having one for a few years. My dog has helped me emotionally, and also helps distract my mind. But almost 2 years into my child's disclosure, I still think about it a lot. Sending thoughts into the universe to hurry up the perp's karma >:-I

Almost four years I still think about it a lot but it has gotten much better. I literally thought I might go crazy how much I thought about it at first. It did help to be present as much as possible and as I posted about the anger medication helped me too. I'm an analytical type so it was consuming. Eventually my brain needed a break.

I felt same way as you did, worrying if my son too was thinking about it. I think it's good to share how you feel with your child if your sad. It teaches them to not be ashamed. My son and me are very close and it's a very normal thing to him to say how he feels!