Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Just wrote this up, might share it with my daughter's counseling center to try to help them understand what it's like for a parent. Does it resonate with you? (This was from sibling abuse, so it includes reactions to my son as perpetrator as well as my daughter.)
It will be like a man who flees from a lion only to encounter a bear, or who enters his house and rests his hand against the wall, only to have a serpent bite him….Amos 5:19
Who will find out? What will they think of us? We are normal people, really!
This can’t be happening. This can’t be real. This is not my life.
“Right now I’m just trying to stop crying so I can face my kids and make supper.”
Another office I thought I’d never enter, my mouth is dry again…sorry, it’s not actually nice to meet you, nothing personal, I just wish I didn’t have to be here...dang, do they all have couches and pillows and fidget toys?
She says, “I’m OK, just tired.” Is she really OK??
Why do my cheeks always feel hot when I tell a new person my story? Why is it so hard to form the words? I can’t look anyone in the eye and say it.
Does he feel like a monster? Is he a monster? Did I raise a monster?
OK time for worship (work, rehearsal, etc)...act normal...don’t get emotional or people will ask what is wrong and then what will you say?
“Here, have a candy.” “No thanks.” (Unspoken: If I took even a bite right now I swear it would come right back up...and if I’m not eating, why do I have to go to the bathroom again?)
I don’t think I have room in my wallet for any more business cards...I’d better take them out, what if they fall and someone sees where these cards are from?
I thought there was an online group for everything under the sun, why can’t I find one for this? And I wonder what kind of ads will pop up after I just used those search terms?
Can people tell my eyes are still puffy from crying all night? Do your tear ducts ever just get overworked and quit?
The police know more than the parents. They accuse us of denial--how can we deny what we’ve never had a chance to see?
Waking up with a weight of dread at the bottom of my stomach is just normal now. There is almost a physical weight to overcome to get up.
I try to advocate for my daughter and our family, but it’s like quicksand--the harder I try, the further we sink.
It’s the weekend! Two whole days with no fear of answering the phone or checking my inbox. But two whole days til I can get this burning question answered too.
A dream my son was dead. His friends and their parents were getting ready to head off to college, but he wasn’t going because he was dead.
“I’m so distracted, I headed to the bathroom three times this morning before I remembered to actually stop and use it”.
An inbox filled with correspondence to three lawyers, two counselors, two social workers, and the DA’s office--all in one day.
Every picture, every memory of my kids is re-filed in my brain. Was this before, during, or after? New pain with each memory that arises.
“I thought that things were turning a corner and moving toward healing but we got hit but something else out of the blue and I feel just knocked back down to the bottom again.” Repeat, over and over and over.
Seeing it in writing: State of Wisconsin vs. Your Baby’s Name, Case #...
Oh boy! The new social worker writes all her e-mails with exclamation marks! She expects me to be having a great week!
I wonder what it would feel like to have energy again?
Why doesn’t anyone understand what I’m trying to say? Is it me? What am I doing wrong? And why can’t I think of what I really want to say or ask until after the meeting/appointment is over?
Is he being charged unfairly? Or does he actually deserve it? Only the second could be worse than the first.
Why can’t we just eat supper together like normal people? All I want is to be a normal family again.
“How many times have I written that it’s time to move on, and then something comes out of the blue to push us back to the beginning?”
Can you pray with me? I need prayer but I just can’t get my thoughts together to do it myself.
My life is divided into the time before I knew and the time after I found out. My social world is divided into the people who know and the people who don’t know.
How can I be jealous of my friend whose daughter has cancer when I view her Caring Bridge posts with all the supportive replies? What kind of awful Karma am I bringing on myself to feel like that? Is my life really that dark?
We’ve been cooperating, trying to do it their way for months. And where has it gotten us? What’s the point?
I’ve almost forgotten what it was like not to know. My old life feels like it was a different person.
I feel like 20 years of my life was an illusion, a lie. Fear, confusion, anger, guilt, shame, hoping it was a bad dream.
How do you grieve over so much loss? Loss of hopes, dreams, the future we thought we were building, the future we thought our kids had, the loss of innocence and so much more.
People ask how many kids we have. 2, I usually say.
Don't want to talk about our family, so avoid new settings. More comfort in being alone, don't get asked awkward questions. The last few years have been a revolving door through hospitals. Barely a week has gone by where one or both daughters have not been to hospital. Lost track of emergencies.
Too hard to hope anymore. Too painful to have that glimmer of hope taken away yet again. If only......
So thankful for the partner and few close friends I have been blessed with. I can be real with them and my treating team.
Hugs and strength to you all.
This is exactly how the mind tries to process, understand, accept and try to get on with what is now your life.