Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
For those of you who have had a trial, did you or your child have to take the stand? What happens? What do they ask? Are they mean to the kids? Accusatory?
Since my husband's criminal trial was in August ~ August 11th through the 22nd ~ I think it might be helpful for me to write while everything is fresh in my mind. As with so many aspects of navigating the judicial system ~ I never received my "map" or "manual" ~ the trial was not as I "imagined" it would be. I tell everyone who asks, "It is NOT SVU or CSI! ~ That's Hollywood. Yes, these shows can be compelling and have entertainment value, but they DO NOT accurately portray the victim/family's experience. Also, I feel these programs have raised a jury's expectations. They want DNA ~ they want physical evidence linking the defendant to the crime. But as most of us know, these things are rarely present in situations where small children are abused.
Don't let this discourage you, however. Convictions are possible, as with my husband's case. What it does mean, however, is that the prosecution has to structure their questions in such a way as to "maximize" testimony that is consistent with the child's, as well as "between" witnesses.
Here is an excellent illustration taken from our own trial. One of my twin daughters (H) was unable to give a substantial testimony. The trauma of seeing her father in court and the pressure of having to tell everyone present what he had done to her ~ was overwhelming. My daughter answered that she does know the difference between the truth and a lie. She was able to describe her bedroom (at the time of the abuse) in graphic detail. Also, she admitted to telling me many "secrets" about her Daddy. When the prosecutor asked H if she knew "why" she had not seen her father in four years, she started to cry. Despite having watched her forensic interview tape the night before, H said she couldn't recall the specific things her father had done to her.
The judge was very gentle with H. He gave her 3 breaks during her testimony. She was able to go to the bathroom; get something to drink; play for a few moments with the court advocate AND get hugs and kisses from Mommy. I don't know if all judges allow this, but ours was very compassionate.
Fortunately H's twin sister WAS able to testify. The DA said that M "blew everyone away!" She went into graphic detail about some of the most heinous acts committed by her father. Specifically, M testified to 3 of the charges! As one of the police officers and a bailiff told me, "Mrs. G. There isn't a "dry eye" in that courtroom ~ from the jury to the judge ~ even my husband's defense attorney was fighting back tears. Ironically, the only person who wasn't crying was my husband.
During recess, the DA explained that as H was unable to cite specific acts ~ only that her Daddy had hurt her," the charges arising from H's allegations would be dismissed. Instead of being tried on 16 counts, the jury would only be able to vote on M's allegations ~ ie. the 8 remaining counts. It was a blow to the prosecution, but it did make sense to me and I believe it is fair.
This is where the MIRACLE came into play. The jury argued that H's allegations stand: once the judge heard their argument, he allowed the jury to vote on all 16 counts! Why? This gets back to what I said in the 2nd paragraph of this post. Yes. H was too frightened to testify. However, H's therapist had focused her testimony upon PTSD; it's causes and symptoms. She explained that initially, she had diagnosed both girls with PTSD. But as their treatment progressed, she changed M's diagnosis to reflect that she doesn't suffer from PTSD to the extent that H does. H's therapist went into great detail to explain that siblings sometimes process sexual abuse differently: their symptoms may overlap but there can be significant differences in their presentation.
Given the main focus of her testimony, The jury felt that the therapist had successfully "explained" why one sister could testify and the other could not!
Later in the trial, another witness came along side H's therapist, further convincing the jury that H had been abused. It was the SANE nurse who had performed the twins' internal exams after their safe house interviews. While I was in the room during the exams, I wasn't allowed to be present during their interviews with the nurse. The nurse testified that H went into great detail as to what her father had done: the forced and frequent fellatio; as well as "attempted" penetration.
The jury reasoned that these 2 witnesses explained "why" H couldn't testify in court ~ and yet, was able to establish that H confided in the nurse. The nurse had H's file/medical records as evidence.
The result, was that, the jury believed that H had been abused along with her sister. Furthermore, they viewed H's "inability" to testify as further confirmation of the validity of her allegations.
The DA said that he has NEVER seen this happen and he's been doing this for 30 years! The beauty of my husband's 4 convictions, is that, 2 of the charges were M's and the other 2 H's. As a mother, I am elated that's H's trauma was acknowledged by the jury and contributed to the verdict.
I promise that I'll write more about what the trial was like for us. In the meantime, I thought it might be helpful to illustrate how a conviction can happen without DNA and other physical evidence.
We will pray for you and your family.
Kim, M and H.
Anyway. on most mornings, we had to arrive at 8:30am sharp. On that first day, I thought we'd testify immediately, as the prosecution told us we were first in line to testify.
I didn't get called into the courtroom until 9:30am or 10:00am. why? Because the judge likes to schedule "small" hearings first thing in the morning. These are other individual cases. One hearing was a probation hearing ~ the defendant had violated the conditions of her pre-trial release. The 2nd hearing was for a "change of plea." ~ a defendant officially changed his plea from not guilty to guilty. These were quick, procedural hearings.
I was told our judge squeezed in these little hearings to "clear his docket." ie; keep up with his work load.
I was annoyed to say the least. I was nervous the first day, and liked the security of knowing exactly when I'd be called. But that didn't happen. I had to sit through 3-4 small hearings each morning, before testifying.
As a result of these delays and recesses ~ so many recesses ~ most days we didn't get out of court until 5:30pm 6:00pm. These made for very long days for us. The girls were anxious, tired, bored and cranky much of the day. So was I! lol.
I don't know if this practice happens in other trials. Maybe it varies from State to State. Maybe it was simply our judge's way of managing his cases. IDK!
I "assumed" (again incorrectly) that our trial would begin promptly on our scheduled date and that there would be no interruptions. Not so. We were actually "on-call" the first day as the prosecution was still in the midst of conducting interviews of potential jurors. We were not called until the 2nd day, as it took ALL DAY to select jurors.
I can't understand why everything was so unorganized. You would logically think that the jury would have been selected weeks before the trial was scheduled to begin. Not so in our case.
I told the DA that when we were given the trial date, I expected the trial to begin on that date! A logical assumption. He told me the trial date was approximate. Based on many factors. In our case, a last minute jury selection. You get the idea!
You may want to ask your DA whether your trial will ACTUALLY begin on the date that you are given.
Just one more surprise!
Kim