Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
My daughter is 3 and in July disclosed very disturbing details on how my ex partner had abused her. I involved police, took every step I should have done to protect her and any kind of help she needs will be given and is given. I have literally lost my mind over this, I can't sleep at night, I can barely eat, sometimes I even have delusions scaring myself and her to death imagining him coming back to the house trying to get in. I've convinced myself he has installed hidden cameras in my house in order to watch us, told myself he is going to burn down the house etc... my mind takes me to some very dark places. The police dropped the case due to lack of evidence... they followed none of the leads I gave them, to be honest I'm not even sure they believed me. At one point I was even questioning myself as to wether or not I was misinterpreting my daughter because of my own past. All I want to ask is if there is anyone here who has been through this and come out the other side? Does my daughter have any hope for a Normal happy life after this? I am a single parent with no immediate family no support network and although I try my best I don't know if it will be good enough. I know she has more of a fighting chance because she was brave enough to tell me but I feel like it's all on me to make sure I handle this the right way. I have struggled my whole life with addiction and mental health due to my own childhood abuse but never thought it would happen to my daughter the pain and despair I feel for her is unbearable it is SO hard to be strong right now. I just need some words of encouragement, anyone who has lived through this to let me know everything is going to be ok... thanks
Also you definitely do need some mental health services for yourself, because you will be so important to your daughter's healing. It is a rough road but look back through old threads on this page, there are moms who have been through this with their kids and life is going forward pretty decently. Since the crime was reported, even though they didn't prosecute it, you should be eligible for services as a secondary victim. If she did an interview at a child advocacy center, contact them and ask, or talk to her therapists.
One more resource that is great even for you is rainn.org They have a 24/7 hotline/chatline/textline that can be a lifesaver when you get to those dark places and there's no one else to call.
I'm guessing from your username -- perhaps erroneously? -- that you live in St. Louis? If so, here might be a good place for you to look for mental health care for yourself -- the Center for Trauma Recovery at UMSL: https://www.umsl.edu/psychology/ctr/
Please check in again and let us know how you are doing. You are SO not alone!! Your reactions are normal, given the circumstances, even if they are not healthy. Being a parent of a child who has been sexually abused means losing your mind at some point. You are smart to reach out. Congratulations! And congratulations for doing everything right for your little one.
Now: you come first. Help yourself become stronger and calmer, and you will see to it that your daughter grows up strong, healthy, and excited about life!
I am currently going through something super similar and I think your feelings are normal. I feel all of this as well. My son is 4 and disclosed to me about 3 months ago. He didn’t disclose to the investigator either but after a month and a half did tell his therapist and then ended up briefly tellling the investigator the second time, and there is currently an active investigation but they are unsure if it will go anywhere because my son was so brief about it. I feel they don’t believe me either and I have even questioned myself. I am terrified of my ex coming here and hurting me, and taking him, or me having to give him back if they find not enough evidence. He is trying to get full custody currently as well. I’m terrified. I don’t eat or sleep. I recently began therapy and it helps to have someone to validate my feelings but I still feel like the whole world is still moving everyone else’s lives are moving on and mine is staying still and I’m stuck in this pain and heartbreak. I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. You’re not alone. I wish I had advice or could tell you it gets easier, but I’m in the almost exact same position you are right now so I have no idea. But we have to hope it will get better, that we’re doing the best we can for our babies and ourself.
To both you and sltrainer, it DOES get better. The beginning is hell, because that's what PTSD is, and you've got it -- all of us here do. So it will take time to get better, and the triggering may never go away, but it DOES get better. Take that ray of light into those dark, sleepless hours.