Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
If any of you read my previous post earlier this week I was ready to give up. I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't think it could get any worse. Well, we got the call, an arrest warrant was issued yesterday for criminal sexual conduct with a child under the age of 11 years old. That's a 25 year to life mandatory minimum sentence in the state where the assaults occurred. I cried with relief, it's been months since I've cried, I think it's the medication they have me on. So the warrant was issued at 1pm yesterday, as far as I am aware he has not been arrested yet. He is currently living in another state to where the warrant has been issued so I have no idea how long this process takes. I've given law enforcement his phone number, address and the address of his job. In my head it's easy, fax the warrant up and pick him up, but the fact that it's been signed since yesterday and he's still walking free tells me maybe it's not so easy. Some how this has now become the hardest part. I'm so anxious. Does anyone know how long it might take? I do understand the trial could be over a year away. I just want him to be arrested, I want him to know that I know. Thanks
I have no idea about the legal stuff, sorry, but I am definitely, vicariously, enjoying your knowledge that he knows. And I can see why this feels like the "hardest part," for many reasons, among them being anxiety about your children having to testify, and the uncertainty of the verdict. But you have gotten further than most of us here, so you deserve a good cry (of relief) and a victory dance for making his life the living hell he deserves.
I honestly don't want to burst your bubble here, but I do want you to know that this whole process is almost completely out of your control, especially if you don't have your own lawyer. We didn't have a hired lawyer because we were told the sex crimes assistant prosecutor was our lawyer, and with 2 kids in college, one who just graduated college, one with 2 chronic medical conditions/high medical bills, and house renovations in full swing, we didn't feel it was financially prudent or necessary. However, hind sight is 20/20 and now we know that prosecutors have a huge case load, and they really need to clear each case as expeditiously as possible. The outcome was not even similar to what the detectives had told us would most likely happen.
The perp, at 1 am, somehow got a high powered lawyer, signed his house over to him as immediate full payment for his legal defense, and was arraigned first thing in the morning, so he spent a total of about 8 1/2 hours in jail. He moved back in with his parents. He was a teacher in a neighboring town and an extracurricular instructor there, and had gone through and then worked for our school system prior to that, fairly well known and liked (but not by everyone--we later found out quite a few families were not comfortable with him as their kids' playmate) in both communities, so his case hit the papers-- a big front page story, and it made TV news with footage from our high school where my kids had graduated from, and of the school where he was currently employed. The online comments were brutal, calling our family all kinds of names, making ridiculous claims about my kids, mostly that it was a bizarre gay affair that had gone wrong, and now my sons were out for revenge. At least there were a few commenters who explained that molesting children has nothing to do with being gay, and has everything to do with wanting to feel powerful and control through deceit and manipulation to gain access to the most vulnerable among us, children, and that the VAST majority of pedophiles are not gay. At least our names were not made public since my kids were minors when the crimes occurred.
Next, the high powered attorney hired a sleazy private investigator who investigated every aspect of all members of our family's lives, the detectives and their family's lives, and the assistant prosecutor and his family's lives, the purpose of which was to find anything he could use to discredit us. This took a very long time and the defense attorney was able to obtain all kinds of extensions and extra hearings to dispute evidence, especially the overhear tape. The prosecutor wanted to get this case out of his hair and off his desk, and he asked my kids if he could offer them a deal. It was approaching the middle of August when we had to send in tuition and housing payments for the fall semester, and going to trial would mean my kids had to stay in town for at least that semester, would lose their scholarships which paid over 60% of their expenses, and therefore they would not be able to attend those schools since they were quite expensive private out of state colleges that they had worked very hard to get into. My kids didn't want to allow the perp to interrupt their education in addition to everything else he had done to us, so they agreed on the deal. The perp was lucky to get a very liberal judge who thought the whole thing was just a matter of immaturity, completely dismissed our victim impact statements, made a big deal of the fact that there were nearly 100 letters of support in favor of the defendant (if we knew that was going on, we could have gotten plenty of letters not supporting him and supporting our kids) and gave the absolute lightest sentence possible--permanent loss of teaching credentials in the US, no unsupervised contact with anyone under 16, Megan's Law sex offender registry which included a psycho-sexual exam for placement purposes --they deemed him unlikely to re-offend so he is placed on tier one and not on any online registry but is on a private law enforcement database somewhere, a 3 yr suspended sentence which was completed as of early Nov 2014, and 15 yrs parole, which will be completed in late 2026. He's already violated parole 3 times, and has had no imposed consequences for those violations.
So the moral of my story is: keep your excitement careful and measured, and be prepared for the unforeseen. I pray that you do not have complications and abuses by the system, that things go justly, rightly and smoothly, and that this can help you and your family heal. My very best wishes go out to you all!