Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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Brokenmother 11/15/2019

Hi guys, it's been a couple of years since I've posted and 3 years since disclosure. I've received an email today that we are going to start trial next month in the case of my ex husband sexually abusing my daughter. He has agreed to plead guilty to a 3rd degree offence of criminal sexual contact with a minor but will serve no additional jail time. I'm so torn as to whether to accept the plea so at least he's admitting it or run the risk of him not being found guilty at trial. I'm so lost and confused right now I almost feel as if I'm right back to where I was the months following disclosure. I have no idea what to do and I don't think it's fair to leave the decision to my daughter. Does anyone have experience with prosecution of these crimes or any advice?

brknhrt 11/17/2019

Can you find out what kind of registry, supervision, and other consequences he would face if he pleads to this charge? That is often the bigger long-term consequence than how long they stay in jail.

Sometimes in decision-making my husband uses the standard, "Which would you regret more if it went wrong?" I'm guessing you would regret more if you went to trial and he was found not guilty.

Those are the biggest things I can think of to consider. I know others here have been to trial and hopefully they will check in and have more to say.

brknhrt 11/17/2019

Oh, another big thing would be that your daughter would have to testify if it went to trial. I assume you know that but just in case...

Bandmom5 11/21/2019

This happened in our case, but we made sure he got Megan's Law sex offender registry along with a 3 year suspended sentence and 15 years of parole (we wanted twice that). He also lost his teaching license permanently in all states. If I had the option to do it over, I'd have the judge classify him as likely to reoffend so he's on the public online data base. Ours was classified as unlikely to reoffend after leaving it up to a therapist who did a psychosexual evaluation, just another person he manipulated, so he's in a data base accessible to law enforcement, but not to the public or potential employers. Also ask for a lifetime restraining order for you and your kids. If you can get all those things as the plea deal, it's worth it to avoid a trial; it was over quickly, my kids didn't have to testify, or miss college classes and lose scholarships they worked hard for, and they were eligible to use the victims of crime compensation office services for free counseling. My heart goes out to you, sending prayers and {{{hugs}}}

Brokenmother 11/21/2019

I've just been notified he wants to do an Alford plea not even admitting guilt. This is a kick in the gut. I'm having a really hard time dealing with this

brknhrt 11/22/2019

What are the prosecutors/victim services saying? Sorry to hear things are heading this way.

Brokenmother 11/22/2019

My daughter is refusing to accept the Alford plea so we are going to have to take this to trial. I really don't want her to go through this

crybaby 02/03/2020

I feel absolutely sick for you......going through the trial and losing was what finally broke me......I'm not saying you won't win....it sounds like you have really good odds, after-all he has already done time right? And your daughter wants to fight and is old enough to be coherent in court, right? You are going to have to go with your daughters wishes........I WISH YOU THE BEST LUCK IN THE WORLD.........keep us up-dated. xxx

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