Thanks for sharing this website. I will definitely read these survivors wishes and take them into consideration when dealing with our trauma. The aftermath hasn't happened for us yet. I know for certain that it is going to be a very divided family if and when my husband is found guilty of abusing our children. Due to unfortunate circumstances, we are still in the same home for now, but I have both children in the room sleeping with me. Alone. And they hardly leave my side. I know I've been blessed with a disclosure. I am warrior mama who will stop at nothing to protect my babies. You and so many other strong parents here give me strength and hope to do so. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing this! I emailed to several family members who believe abuse is normal or not that big of a deal.

mobley- I think it is amazing that you are able to have these conversations with your daughter and let her know that the issues with the family isn't her fault either. This is where I am struggling with my child. We haven't cut off extended family all the way. We see them at family functions, but my kids aren't going to be alone with them anymore. So, there is a division compared to where we used to be prior to disclosure, but not all the way cut off. So we haven't really talked about this with my daughter. I'm not sure if it is something she has noticed or not. Obviously kids perceive things so much differently than we sometimes know. She doesn't often talk about feelings and emotions so sometimes it is hard to navigate these things with her.

I only bring it up when she does, and it breaks my heart. Our situation is a little different for most on here - I didn't want the family division, and would be willing to reconcile (as you said, never alone) for the sake of the kids involved (including the perp) and my mother. It is my sister who is very angry and unwilling to communicate or reconcile. I know people think I am crazy for considering having a relationship with our perp and his family - but as hard as it is, and as much as I hate it - he is a kid too. I am by no means excusing his behavior, but I believe (others may not agree) that kids offend for very different reasons and can be rehabilitated - and I hope he is able to. I don't want my daughter to carry around that burden of feeling like what she did broke up her family - but deep down I know she will (as will my nephew). I want to keep her as healthy as possible, but she still has doubts and still has guilt about what happened (which makes me so angry). The good thing is that my mother has a very good relationship with us - and has been very supportive, but I hate that her deciding to support us has strained her relationship with my sister and her family - it is not her fault and she should not be punished. BUT - such is life, and we will work through this and hold our heads high. We had a lot of changes this year, we moved away, we went away for Christmas - we tried to make our changes our new "normal". It is what it is and I will continue to try to support and validate my daughter's feelings as best as I can.

I get your feelings about the perp being a kid too. My stepson was 12 at disclosure. But, it makes it very hard to even consider trying to forgive and reconcile when the adults around him refuse to hold him accountable. They are basically telling this kid that it's not that serious because they aren't that worried about it. That's when it gets scary for me. I can never even consider reunification if he isn't made to see the error in his thinking and decisions. No matter how much I try and get my in-laws to see my point of view, they just see me as the problem. So how do you move on from there?

I think that is the point you don't move forward - you just step away - which is what we did. My sister (who believes his side which is very different) feels that same way - that what he did wasn't that bad (well his side wasn't nearly as bad as my daughters side). My mom has stayed neutral - she does not support anything as far as blame on his side - but she is still stuck in the middle. I don't expect her not to have a relationship with them, she can still love him through his faults (and I could too if he and they would admit to the truth) and has a very strained relationship with them. Like I said, she is fully in support of us and what we believe happened - and my daughter's stories collaborate when we look back at things - so she sees clearly that there is one truth and chooses to believe our side. So, we have a relationship with my mother apart from them (they literally live 4 doors down from my mom). It is the reason we decided to move 4 hours away, is it the reason we went on a cruise instead of having family Christmas - we have stepped away and choose not to have anything to do with them (the feeling is mutual - probably more on their side). Our perp was held accountable in that they did send him to counseling, and then he went (and may still be going) to the state mandated counseling - but my sister views what happened, and how it was handled as me trying to throw her and her family under the bus and she has turned her view around so that she is the victim (as well as her son). I do not engage in any way with her - have blocked her from all social media, have unfriended any of her friends (and blocked those who would share info that I post), and have moved on in our live without them in it. My son was talking the other night about how awful it was to lose his cousin - and I explained that yes, it was awful for all of us - I lost a sister, and nieces, nephews, great nieces and nephews that I loved very much - but it is what it is. So my advise is move on, just move on without them. Do what ever is best for your daughter and don't worry about what anyone else thinks.