Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
A few of the long-termers here will know me....this is particularly for naive, who encourages parents to get support for themselves.....
4 yrs on from disclosure, and over 2 yrs since the court case, where the not guilty verdict broke me into total bits.....some people said they would only believe us if we got a guilty verdict, but the police warned me that despite her evidence being so good, she was only 4, and they don't really listen to babies, even when there is physical evidence !!!!!!!!
I have done every-thing I can for my daughter who is now 8....she is, for the time being ok....I believe there will be triggers in the future, but, while she is ok, I must try to start to fix myself, as how can I support her long-term if I am not ok?....I am single and will remain so....I will build the scene, but will not dwell.....My up-bringing was such that it didn't just promote independence it was about being totally self reliant.....there was no physical abuse, it was neglect and emotional abuse.....I have experienced many traumas in my life, I alone nursed my mum through cancer to her passing....one brother hanged himself, another was murdered, I have personal domestic abuse issues....etc etc etc.....this is not the forum for these discussions.....what I want to say is that many of us will experience ptsd.....but for some us seeking help when we have stuck plasters on own own wounds all our lives is harder than for others, who actually beleive they will get help if they ask for it!!!!.....I have been told all my life it was my fault.....like when my dad told me it was my fault because I chose 'him' (being the perp....my daughters biological father) My ex had no previous and there was no reason to assume he had could do such things.
Any-way.....I left my name with a counselling service that is affordable.....they got back to me.....they were lovely, but said that my layers of multiple untreated trauma needed more expert advise than they thought they could manage...they referred me on....but will see me in the meantime......I am absolutely scared they will call social services because I am a lone parent with no back up.....but I have to do something....
I also had those who said after the initial investigation that he was innocent merely because they didn't move forward. It has been a huge learning curve for me to accept that more often justice system does not prosecute and should in no way be the end all determination of guilt and innocence
I'm so sorry you have so many layers of pain and trauma to work through. A history of parental neglect makes it all the more remarkable that you stuck by your mother through her cancer. You were a better example for her than she was for you. Suicide of a family member is a lingering wound that is very difficult to accept. Murder of a family is an unspeakable shock. You have gained enormous strength and lots of coping skills from your many experiences and losses. As you work toward the surface, these will help sustain you, even on the bad, tearful, lonely days.
On the lonely days, remember us. You are not alone.
MUCH love to you.
THANK YOU AGAIN XXXXXXXX