It's so hard to know but my personal choice would be to take whatever I could get.We will never get anything,my daughter's abuser didn't even have to talk to the police.go with your gut.

I'm literally going through exactly the same thing. My ex has offered to plead to first degree assault and battery which can include unwanted sexual touching but no minimum sentence. His original charges are 1st degree sexual contact with a minor. I have personally asked the prosecutor not to accept this plea and she seems to be respecting my request for the time being but I know ultimately it will be up to them and I also do not want to subject my daughter to a trial. He's been held without bond for 9 months so far but has recently been given a 20,000 dollar bond but nobody has bailed him out so far. I have said that I want him to plead to what he's actually done, even if it's a lesser charge but I feel it needs to include sexual contact with a minor in some degree. I want him to be on the sex offenders registry and to admit what he's done. It's so hard to make this decision because it will cause our kids more trauma if they have to testify at trial. I hope you are able to come to a decision that can bring you some peace. I know exactly what you're going through, you're not alone.

I agree with hopefulmama. In taking what you can get. My son prep got a lawyer and never had to talk to the police. The law is very flawed. i know that's a hard pill to swallow. Because the perp definitely deserves the maximum and then some. Trust your gut and know you are doing your best.

My daughter's abuser also got a lawyer and didn't have to talk to police.I don't understand why though.Even if the police suspect someone of a crime they talk to them.So broken

Our main perpetrator spoke with police, confessed he had done some things but was too young under our state laws to do anything...plus we have a "lack" of evidence (won't say the scars on my kids bodies count) & a detective who truly think my kids are not telling the truth...that it's our oldest son who did/started everything, which all of our kids have testified isn't true! And the cherry on top was that when we did report the older members of monster boy's family to this detective he never even followed up with the DA's about them...and my daughter even is recorded as saying in her intake statement that one of the older boys touched her privates (who really raped her multiple times). We gave up for the security/unity of our family. Maybe one day my kids can approach these evil individuals and get them to confess on a police recording device.

In our case our sons were adults when they disclosed just over 4 years after the abuse started (when they were 15) that was weekly or more for about 11 mos. The perp was a teacher, and a recorded "overhear" where he admitted everything supposedly ensured 15-30 yrs prison time. The prosecutor offered a deal where he'd plead to 3rd degree child endangerment, Megan's law sex offender registry, loss of teacher's license anywhere in US forever, 15 yrs parole or probation after 1-3 yrs prison time, restraining order, supervised contact with anyone under 16 by a court appointed trained adult, not allowed within 50 feet of anyone under 16, and a psycho-sexual evaluation. My kids were in college and didn't want to lose scholarships and grants by taking time off to go thru a trial so they agreed to the deal. However the judge felt the deal was too strict, he said he felt it was all just a matter of immaturity, so he suspended the prison time part of the sentence, threw out the restraining order and the court appointed trained adult for supervised contact, and said it could be any other adult 18 or over. The "professionals" doing the psycho-sexual eval determined he was unlikely to re-offend so he's a level 1 sex offender and not on an online registry, he's just in a police database somewhere, but he has to register within 72 hours of moving into a town and notify the state if he leaves and the town he's in if on vacation, plus a lot of other stipulations. I would try and get the prosecutor to include the Megan's law sex offender registry somehow...

You just never know what a judge is going to think.... and some love to legislate from the bench...

We went through a trial, although it wasn't with an adult, but a juvenile offender. I really felt that punishment and a conviction would make me feel better. It didn't in the end. The only thing that made me feel better was time and therapy. What is your gut feeling on this? We all understand. On one hand you want to show your child that you will do anything to protect them, but on the other hand it is sometimes traumatizing for your child because they have to testify. If it were me, I would try to find out if there is anyway that your daughter could either just be taped or at least be interviewed remotely from somewhere else. I think it is disgusting that children have to testify with the perp in the room. I hope you can find some peace with your decision and know that you'll do what is best for your child!

I already asked if they could just use her video but I guess he has the "right to face his accuser"
She seems ok right now but still has a few issues. I tried to explain the option to her even tho she's only 7 and her response was to take the chance because some people say never give up. Broke my heart because I know she doesn't fully understand everything and he's her father. The state prosecutor says she believes her 100% and backs whichever decision I make but they made it clear they can't guarantee anything.
I have to answer by tonight for their meeting tomorrow and I'm going to email her now saying to just go for trial.

All 3 of my children were molested by my husbands father. He is in prison for 50 years. We are very lucky and rare.

My son was 8 when he went to trial. My other 2 children did not have to go to trial because their abuse happened in a different county and he plead guilty in their case.

What I learned is it is my responsibility to be honest with my children and tell them exactly what may or may not happen.

I learned that no matter what their age, our children have voices. My children lived years without knowing they would be heard, which is why they did not speak up sooner, Now that they had spoken up and shared the horror that had happened to them, it is my responsibility to make sure they continue to be heard.

Even if it meant going to court and if he would have been found not guilty. It is their truth and it needed to be heard. At the very least, it put a seed of doubt in the minds of many people that knew him in the community, the church, the family, the school where he worked as a foster grandparent, etc.

We did have a good attorney that explained brought in an expert witness that explained why children do not speak up and why stories change when more truth comes out.

It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. His attorney and his family, my family at the time, my husbands brothers, called my child a liar. They claimed he was a troubled child that told lies and stole things. It was horrible. I hate even writing about it.

I agree that you need to follow your gut. This is the most difficult thing ever. You know the truth and you want to pull your child away from it and shelter her from all harm.

If it were possible to send love and strength, please now I am sending all of mine to you.