Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
I have so many thoughts and questions running through my head. I don't know where to even start, but I will try.
My neighbors are acting like complete jerks since the son went to jail. I just do not understand these people. It's like, oh, I am such an awful person because I called the police when I found out that your son/brother was having sex with my 12-year-old after your POS husband/dad molested her for 8 months!! It makes me so sick!! My daughter is so sweet and compassionate that she feels sorry for them. They have made it completely obvious that they care nothing about her!! UGH!! Even people that are not related or involved with this family are rude to my child!! I messaged a woman just the other day because my daughter saw her in her yard and my child waved and this woman just looked away. It made my daughter feel like scum and like she had done something wrong. I let her know that I was sick and tired of people treating her that way and that I was not going to just sit by and allow it without defending my daughter!! It is overwhelming and disheartening!! I want to move so badly!! We are trying to do so, but it is going to take some time. I just don't know how much longer I can deal with these sick, disgusting people!!
Another thing that is bothering me is that the 29-year-old that was arrested a few weeks ago is dating a 19-year-old. She is so infatuated with him and is obviously sticking by him in spite of his arrest and the 6 charges against him (3 counts of child molestation, 3 counts of statutory rape) . In some of the texts that this guy sent my child, he was telling her that the 19-year-old was gay and was just pretending to date him to keep it from her parents. I wonder how she would take it if she knew he had said that about her. This girl is 19, but she looks like she is 12. A friend of mine pointed out that she favors my daughter. I mean, she has some of the same features as she does (brown hair, blue eyes, dainty features). That is really weird and just shows how sick the guy is!! I want to tell this girl that he is a master manipulator and that he is sick, twisted and totally messed up in the head. I want her to realize that she is better than this and I just wonder if she would feel differently if she knew all of the details. I mean, surely he is lying about it for her to still be with him, right? I mean, he confessed so I really don't know what he is telling her. It is crazy!! I just want to go shake some sense into this girl!! I shared in an earlier post that it was killing me not to tell her parents because she had younger sisters. Well, now they know. Like I said, I guess they have heard his version or either they just don't care that he is a pedophile. I just don't get it!! So, I am asking for your advice. What do I do? Just let it go? Send this girl a message with the details of the crimes he committed? Ask to meet with her and her parents to explain things? I don't know these people well, but I have seen them at birthday parties and such because we are friends with a relative of theirs. I am just so torn as to what to do right now.
One more question.... he did confess so does that mean that there won't be a trial? When they arrested him, they told him that they had all of the texts between him and my daughter and he just spilled the beans. I am so glad and I was thinking that surely my daughter will not have to testify. I feel really bad complaining as I know that there are some that are in way worse positions than we are. He is behind bars and his dad is 6 feet under. I know that that is a blessing!! Not having to go to trial would be another big blessing as well!!
Thanks to everyone for the continued support and advice. Please also pray that my daughter's kitten shows back up. We have not seen her since Friday. We started letting her go outside some a few weeks ago and for some reason, she just disappeared Friday. I am so sad about it and just feel like "What next?" I mean, really!! In addition to everything else, my husband's parents chose to show their behind recently.... like we don't have enough to worry about already.
On a lighter note, I hope that everyone enjoyed Easter and I also hope that you have a great week!!
My neighbors are acting like complete jerks since the son went to jail. I just do not understand these people. It's like, oh, I am such an awful person because I called the police when I found out that your son/brother was having sex with my 12-year-old after your POS husband/dad molested her for 8 months!! It makes me so sick!! My daughter is so sweet and compassionate that she feels sorry for them. They have made it completely obvious that they care nothing about her!! UGH!! Even people that are not related or involved with this family are rude to my child!! I messaged a woman just the other day because my daughter saw her in her yard and my child waved and this woman just looked away. It made my daughter feel like scum and like she had done something wrong. I let her know that I was sick and tired of people treating her that way and that I was not going to just sit by and allow it without defending my daughter!! It is overwhelming and disheartening!! I want to move so badly!! We are trying to do so, but it is going to take some time. I just don't know how much longer I can deal with these sick, disgusting people!!
Another thing that is bothering me is that the 29-year-old that was arrested a few weeks ago is dating a 19-year-old. She is so infatuated with him and is obviously sticking by him in spite of his arrest and the 6 charges against him (3 counts of child molestation, 3 counts of statutory rape) . In some of the texts that this guy sent my child, he was telling her that the 19-year-old was gay and was just pretending to date him to keep it from her parents. I wonder how she would take it if she knew he had said that about her. This girl is 19, but she looks like she is 12. A friend of mine pointed out that she favors my daughter. I mean, she has some of the same features as she does (brown hair, blue eyes, dainty features). That is really weird and just shows how sick the guy is!! I want to tell this girl that he is a master manipulator and that he is sick, twisted and totally messed up in the head. I want her to realize that she is better than this and I just wonder if she would feel differently if she knew all of the details. I mean, surely he is lying about it for her to still be with him, right? I mean, he confessed so I really don't know what he is telling her. It is crazy!! I just want to go shake some sense into this girl!! I shared in an earlier post that it was killing me not to tell her parents because she had younger sisters. Well, now they know. Like I said, I guess they have heard his version or either they just don't care that he is a pedophile. I just don't get it!! So, I am asking for your advice. What do I do? Just let it go? Send this girl a message with the details of the crimes he committed? Ask to meet with her and her parents to explain things? I don't know these people well, but I have seen them at birthday parties and such because we are friends with a relative of theirs. I am just so torn as to what to do right now.
One more question.... he did confess so does that mean that there won't be a trial? When they arrested him, they told him that they had all of the texts between him and my daughter and he just spilled the beans. I am so glad and I was thinking that surely my daughter will not have to testify. I feel really bad complaining as I know that there are some that are in way worse positions than we are. He is behind bars and his dad is 6 feet under. I know that that is a blessing!! Not having to go to trial would be another big blessing as well!!
Thanks to everyone for the continued support and advice. Please also pray that my daughter's kitten shows back up. We have not seen her since Friday. We started letting her go outside some a few weeks ago and for some reason, she just disappeared Friday. I am so sad about it and just feel like "What next?" I mean, really!! In addition to everything else, my husband's parents chose to show their behind recently.... like we don't have enough to worry about already.
On a lighter note, I hope that everyone enjoyed Easter and I also hope that you have a great week!!
I just wrote a huge post to u n now it's gone!!!
Anyway - move, Move, MOVE!!
These people are all nuts!
Stop trying to figure them out or they'll engulf you into their world of batty :-)
Bizarre is as bizarre does and thinks. Without professional insight, if you are able to figure out n think like these scary minds... Then what does that say about your mind???
I know I went thru many a year struggling to figure out these same ways in my in laws. Let me save you the time n energy of it all n just tell you to break the line. Stop trying to figure out the bizarre ones.
Besides you knew smth was bizarre about a dad allowing 18 yr old (now 19 I guess) w 28 or 29 to man.
There is a level of responsibility one in the know about a perp does carry, but to what extent are you obligated to inform??? Well... Certainly we can all agree u ought not beat it into the 19 year old. Basically that family IS informed and from there, I think your obligation is met. If an arrest doesn't seal the deal on informing, would a tattoo "PERP" across his forehead suffice any differently???
They're bizarre and you did your job and it's time to get away from this nuttiness ASAP :-)
That's what my experience has lead me to believe.
My ex fully confessed to abusing our daughter but she was still required to testify at the preliminary examination and would have had to testify at the trial had he refused the plea deal and taken it to trial. So, yes likely your daughter will still have to testify at least once. :-(
Okay, Justice. I was just wondering about that. That helps answer my question. Thanks!!
Hopefully they put this guy away for a loooong time. There are others here who would know more about the legal stuff and they can speak to that.
I understand how hard this is. In the beginning you are just grasping at straws trying to understand how this could happen. Trust me , you will never understand it , even if you live 1000 years! Put all of your energy towards healing your daughter and your family. After 2 years none of this makes any sense to me and it never will. You will never be able to understand it because you aren't sick like those losers.
I am so sorry that this happened but thank God you found out now vs later. You will be saving your precious daughter years of torment. I hope your daughter finds her kitty. My daughter rescued a cat about a year after she disclosed and she was one of the most healing things in my daughter's life. That cat helped my daughter's PTSD and sleeping issues better that almost anything she had tried.
I hope you can all have some peace and healing in your lives soon. Hang in there. The first year is really tough. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
Laura