Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

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Thoughts tonight

scaredmommy16
scaredmommy16
Hello everyone,

I just realized that I think my daughter is confused about her visitations and I don't know what to do. I think maybe she thinks that I want her to go and have fun with her dad. I feel like I am stuck in a odd place. She has to visit with him either way, so I guess I would rather her not be scared. It would feel horrible to drop her off screaming crying. On the other hand, I don't want her to think that he is okay or that what he did is okay. It is just such a confusing time. I try to stay positive because I have to, but I am worried that I am sending her the wrong message and minimizing the pain that she went through. I guess I am just sick of having to tell myself that this is a normal situation and that I should have to take my child to see her abuser. I keep praying to St. Jude that some miracle will happen and we can be free from his dysfunction.

On a positive note, my baby took a long nap this afternoon, so I got to do some fun crafts with my daughter! She loves painting and it was just great to have that cherished time with her!
heartsadx3
heartsadx3
Is she in counseling? I honestly dont understand why if a stranger, neighbor is the perp it is expected that contact eould end once abuse is discovered so why when it is family or parent we have to continue involvement or be ostracized. I dont know why a father could have any rights. I agree it is a confusing thing for your daughter. Im sorry you are in this situation. Perhaps in counseling you can have some ideas for communicating with your daughter. So she can feel her feelings if she doesn't want to visit are there other options. I will be praying also.
scaredmommy16
scaredmommy16
They keep saying to stay positive. It stinks. I wish there was something I could do to change how this system works. I am in tears just thinking about what a brave girl my daughter is. She handle everything so well and I wish I could deal with it for her! I tell her every night that she can tell me all her worries so that I can help her carry them. She is only 5, but I can tell she tries to hold stuff back to spare ME the worry.
heartsadx3
heartsadx3
You are doing a great job and I tell my daughter the same thing I started telling her I can hold all the mads and all the sads and all the bads. I say it slowly and the first couple times I told her she just looked at me and said "no you can't it's to heavy" she is just four so I have no idea what she may mean by that as they take things so literally at this age. But I have continued to tell her that and explain that God made mommy and daddy (my non-offending husband) to help carry the big emotions that are too much for her alone. She can tell me and I can hold them for her.

You have no other choice nor I but to stay positive the alternative for me is not acceptable. I have days where this is impossible but overall I try to maintain a positive mental outlook. I listen to devotionals that encourage me in the dark places to stay focused on the light. I do what I can to do small things for myself like come on here and find encouragement or vent my feelings, in just a bit I'm taking a soak in the tub.
scaredmommy16
scaredmommy16
That is so sweet how you explain it to her! I feel like we are similar on days and trying to stay positive.