Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
My child is 5. He disclosed about 10 months ago. He's been seeing a therapist who was recommended by his pedicatrician for a few months now. She's a nice woman, but I'm not sure the therapy is doing much. She gives him the choice each session whether I (or my husband if he is also there) come in with him or he goes in alone. He plays with the therapist (and whatever parent might go in with him) and not much else. Maybe once per session, the therapist will bring up the topic. Like, "I just want to talk about how you are feeling about X. (the abuser) You know you are safe and X can't ever see you, right?" That sort of thing. My son will say, "Yup. Can we play more now?" and that's about it. At home, he talks to me about it pretty openly. Sometimes he brings it up. Once in a while I will bring it up if I sense he is thinking about it. I feel like we make more progress discussing things at home. What is play therapy supposed to be like? Should entire sessions go by without talking about the reason he's in therapy in the first place? What am I missing here?
One concern is that it looks like my son will have to testify when this goes to trial in a few months. (We were hoping for a plea bargain to spare him from testifying.) In our state, the child has to testify in open court, in front of the abuser. So I had hoped that the therapist would help us break this news to our son and prepare him to testify. But I'm not confident that she will be able to do much more than we could ourselves--tell him he is safe, that he is brave, etc, etc...
This is why I am not posting here more often, even though I always visit the page to be surrounded by the strength of this brave community of parents. Before answering to Mamablue (sorry for what you are going through, Mamablue, bit you are not alone!), some background about myself (there are some triggers here). I have three boys and the two elder revealed, around a year and a half ago, that they where violently raped by their grandparent (my father in law) for at least one year and a half, from ages 3 to 4 and 1 to 2 years old, respectively. New revelations, dealt by the criminal system now, include that they were also sexually exploited (their abuse photos and videos commercialized). Even worse to us, our eldest son recently managed to reveal that her grandmother (my mother in law) whom we thought had been only a passive observer of the abuses perpetrated by her husband, had in fact also actively participated of the abuses. My eldest seems relieved after telling what he felt was his worse secret, but my PTSD has worsened since this new revelation, and I am going back to my EMDR sessions, which have worked fantastically for me, my husband and our two elder children, now 5 and 4.
What brings me to Mamablue s question): is your angel suffering from any PTSD symptoms, which affect around 90 per cent of children who have been sexually molested? My two kids do, the eldest even talked about suicide and self harm at age 4! They repeated the facial expressions of the abusers during the rapes, the sounds of the porn movies the exposed my babies to, etc... A real nightmare. After initially using classical play therapy and systemic family therapy for almost a year, when my eldest refused to continue attending the sessions, we finally found children trauma focused EMDR. We made great progress, thanks to the exceptionally well trained therapist team (and I highlight the importance of proper EMDR training and experience). EMDR is expensive in my city and insurance does not pay for it, but it literally saved our familie s life. Some other posts here discus it, it worked for some, not for others, and most people agree on the importance of the training and experience of the therapist, who has to be EMDR certified. My 5 and my 4 years old boys have each their own therapist, once a week. Me and my husband also do EMDR separately, and the EMDR team exchanges info among them to help us as a system. For the kids, they combine it with play and art therapy and, as with you, they do not refer so much about the abuses with their T., but rather express emotions, feelings, body sensations, while hearing bilateral sounds on headphones and vibrations on their hands or shoes (they choose). Besides the EMDR specificities regarding PTSD, the idea is that the kids learn that they have a safe place, besides their home, where they can vent out feelings, relax, ask for help to someone who is not as traumatized as we parents are, and also that there are some people, other mom and dad, whom they can trust in this world. Because we parents will not live for ever, and they need to learn to open and share feelings / ask for help to reliable people, in the future.
Naive, Heart, Mobley, 96, etc., by the way, our court case is on its final stage, referring to abuser number 1 (my father in law) and we now have a long wait until the judge decides on a sentence for him. The attorney is investigating my mother in law (slowly, as always… things take so long...). Nice to be back, and will be reading your posts, as always. XXX, 3M.
Sending best thoughts/energy for the outcome of Trial #1, and hope the gears start turning faster on perp #2.