Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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SurvivalModeMomma 01/08/2019

I know that therapy is good for my son in the long run, but right now it’s causing him to relive the abuse and it shows in his behaviors, sleep, and he’s started having bathroom accidents again. They’re working on his “trauma narrative” in therapy; he’s writing/illustrating a book about the abuse.

When he’s done writing it, he’s going to read it to me in the next session. He’s going to finish the book this week and will be reading it to me next week. I’m not ready. I know nothing about the abuse, just that it happened over a long period of time at the hands of his paternal stepbrother.

I’m not sure how to handle this. I know I need to talk to his therapist about it, but...When he reads it to me, am I supposed to show emotion so he knows I care, or wall the emotions off and “stay strong” like usual?

After that therapy session I’m going to go home, get him in bed, then stay up half the night with my dying mother to make sure her pain medicine gets her through the night just like every other night. I can’t drink to get through it. I’ve been alone for so long that you’d think I’d be used to it, but the last few weeks has broken me and I don’t know how to do this alone anymore.

Those of you who are alone with this— How do you do it? Are we all just dying inside and hiding it from our kids? I’m not okay. I don’t know how to be okay anymore.

hopefulmama 01/08/2019

My daughter wrote a trauma narrative.It was so hard to hear.Her therapist told me to not show too much emotion because my daughter took on the blame for me being upset.I would think every kid is different.i also reread it every so often.i don't know why. But it really does help,my daughter confirms that.i also believe the no emotion thing is because of disclosure.When our kids know that their disclosure to us is safe they are more likely to be comfortable telling what really happened..It's hard,very hard.i just kept thinking of something else the whole time she was reading it,I had to do whatever to get through.

Momabearx10 01/08/2019

Im so sorry and abouy your mother. Instead of the narrative we went to court. Therapist thought that was enough of him having to tell it. I will say the biggest thing he fret over abiut court was how upset i was. I could not control myself. Mayhe your therapist an read it to you befre hand so you aren't so shocked.

christine74 01/09/2019

I went one week after disclosure without knowing the facts. One week later was her forensic interview. I had to know the details. She's my daughter. I vomited into a trash can in front of the forensic psychiatrist, the chief of police and the detective. To my daughter, I was strong, composed and told her that she could tell me anything. Every time she tells me another fact, I am strong. Because I have to be for her, then I sob when she goes to bed. She has seen me show emotion, however, I do think this is important as well. She thought I knew about this, the whole time. I did not and she saw that by my emotions. But, you have to also be careful what you are emotional about, or it can cause your child to feel responsible for hurting you. I'm very clear with her that my sadness is over knowing that she was hurt, and that it breaks a mother's heart, but that my sadness is ONLY THE FAULT OF THE MONSTER, not her, at all. None of this is her fault, at all. There are days that I feel that I will never be ok. But, I have no choice. I cannot fall apart because I had to go back to work and I have three children counting on my strength. The details haunt me at times, and make me hate her abuser and I struggle with that a lot, but try to keep that separate from my daughter and deal with it in my own therapy.

hopefulmama 01/09/2019

Well said and spot on!

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