My 4 year old threw a fit when we went to wipe her after she went potty. After I calmed her down the following conversation happened. 

Me "why were you so upset?"

Her "because my vagina hurts"

Me "well what would have happened that would make you hurt?"

Her "daddy poked me down there".

My heart stopped and I looked over at my boyfriend (who is not her dad) and we both had the same look of confusion and terror on our faces.

We asked her more questions that weren't specific so we didn't put words into her mouth. She said hes been doing it a lot it hurts and he won't stop and that he's checking her for something.

We put her to bed because it was so late and we talked for a good hour about what to do. Do we take her to the hospital, call the police, or let it go because a 4 year old can easily mix up words and perhaps he really was checking for something (yeast infection maybe?) and she didn't know fully what she was talking about?

After I called my mom, she convinced me to take her to the hospital. So that's what I did. At 11pm. I was interviewed by police, a rape kit was done on her, interviews by more police, and we finally left around 430am exhasuted. 

The next few days I was contacted by an investigator who said he was going to interview my ex and we needed to get my daughter into an special therapist in our state an hour away who works with very young children and the interview would be taped and I wouldn't be allowed in. He also said I should get a pfa in the mean time and he will be advised that he shouldn't come pick up our daughter when it was his court appointed time. So we did all that.

He was interviewed a 2nd time and the detective met with me in person to collect a written statement from me and he told me a bit about what my ex said. Long story short, I didn't feel like what the detective told me warranted sexual abuse and I had a feeling in my gut at that moment that 2 and 2 wasn't making 4. But I just assumed there was a lot more to the the interviews I wasn't being told about for obvious reasons. 

I was told he was brought in a 3rd time for an interrogation. Not just a normal interview. Next thing I know he's arrested and looking at 20 years max.

It's only been 2 weeks so not long enough for him to put in his plea yet but I can't even begin to deal with my emotions of this happening to my daughter until I get solid proof of what he did. My daughter is not traumatized by it in any way (for now thank god). All I have to go off of is the few things she's said to me that night and no further evidence for myself. 

I've been having anxiety like I've never felt it before. Throwing up because the thought of me possibly ruining someone's life over something a toddler said is eating me up inside. I quit my job, have been self harming which I haven't done since I was a teen, been lashing out at my boyfriend and everyone else. Ive realized what I feel is guilt. But I'm handling this in a very awful way.

Everyone keeps telling me I should just trust that the police heard something in the interviews and interrogation and interview my daughter did that I'm not aware of because the wouldnt arrest someone with no hard suspicions. But I still can't drop the feeling that I possibly ruined someone's life who might even be innocent. Someone who just got over a rare form of cancer and had their fiance leave him and he was already at the lowest point in his life.

Someone even had the audacity to say to me that he seems like the kind of guy that would kill himself in prison anyways. 

I doubt there's anything anyone could say that would make me feel right as rain again. Not until I've heard his story and can take it all in. But anything reassuring would really help me right now. My daughter isn't traumatized, acting out, and shea even laughed twice talking about it but also been serious every other time.