I am SO sorry this happened to your family. I know the brokenness you feel for you children. Don't give up hope because even though today might be horrible, SOME tomorrow things WILL get better. Unfortunately it will be painful, angering, difficult, 1 step forward 3 backwards a lot of the time. It will require strength you didn't know you had, perseverance even on those rough days, flexibility to adapt to new triggers, faith that there is more to life than healing & unconditional love for your kids & yourself.
We are finally in the "afterwards" stage & it's been almost 3 years since the 1st disclosure! Everyone is still in therapy, except 1 victimized special needs son who recently graduated & my stubborn hubby who refuses (& struggles the most.) I recommend EMDR & cognitive behavioral therapy...theyve worked miracles for our kids! Also, we coupled traditional therapy with pastoral counseling, addressing the spiritual aspects if the brokenness..
We also found some miracle herbs to help the kids sleep & handle anxiety attacks (3/5 kids): melatonin to fall asleep, GABA to stay asleep & day anxiety & be calm (magnesium) gummies for a.m. & p.m. mood boosts. I wish I had known about these when I began this journey!

Cry/scream In the shower, journal out those feelings, let someone in that can help you that you trust, don't be afraid to let your kids see you break down & show them that processing those difficult emotions is healthy. Pray if you can...or meditate. Find something new you can both pour yourselves into! For us, it was a drama club & swim team that helped us focus elsewhere.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Come here as often as you need to.
And please tell your daughter thank-you for telling you the truth when she did...that was SO brave and took SO much courage! And good for your older daughter who also finally shared...she needs therapy too!
You CAN do this...it takes time to go through the stages of grief...don't rush true healing. <3

You will and I'm so glad you found us other warrior moms on this site. It's hard to go it alone because it isn't something people you run into talk about even if they went thru it. One day at a time and we all have been destroyed by this and continue doing the best we can. Sending hugs your way.

Life is hell , when this happens . I have gone completely through this with my son when he was three. My world was shattered. It does get better . Hopefully your husband won't fight anything. and the courts wont make your daughter testify. Usually when they are young they just take a disclosure statement and that's good enough. I want to say that most kids do no turn to drugs or alcohol. My son was a model student. But he had other issues. He would lash out at me , get angry , he was very shy . scared to make friends. This happened 30 years ago so then it wasn't talked about.
But if you keep good communication with your daughter and go to counselling then they get to express. My son did art and music therapy as a teenager these were good things. He had an excellent therapist. Make sure that if you have brothers or a good friend whose kids you hang around with that the men don't treat her any different. she will feel like it shows on the outsidebut it doesn't that is something to show her. no one can see that this happened even though she feels different. Make sure she knows you don't blame her for anything that your proud of her, and tell your other daughter your proud of her , thank them for telling you. I did not have that kind of helping loving mom when it happened to me. it makes a huge difference. try to do something with your girls once a week or twice a week, go swimming, or go to the mall , just keep the communication open.Make sure you get counselling so you will learn the stages of grief and , what emotions to expect from them and from you. Your not along. were here for you , there's a wonderful group of people. Gentle hugs casey

Agree with everyone here,The most damaging thing to any victim is not being believed,I think we all worry what the future holds but good therapy,being believed and feeling validated goes a long way.Is your oldest in therapy?She also needs yo hear from you that's it's not her fault,you believe her and how strong she is.One day at a time and go with the ups and downs.Hugs

Thank you so much for the kind words. Today I had a lot of friends over to the house and we packed up his stuff. It actually feels really good to have his stuff out of the house surprisingly. I feel like a weight has been lifted.

One day at a time. Know you are not alone, and we support how you have believed and protected both of your daughters the moment you knew. So glad you and your youngest are in counseling. Is your 23-year-old also in counseling? That's how old my daughter was when she told me about the rape she suffered when she was 8. Reading your post, I was right back in the room with my daughter the day she told me. It feels like the end. It IS the beginning. Much love and support to you.

My 23 yr old is having a hard time. She is stuffing her problems. I’m terrified when she finally can’t stuff more and explodes. She has a lot of guilt in regards to her younger sister. And I have guilt because she didn’t tell me because she didn’t think I’d believe her. It’s just a horrible mess he’s put us in. 17 years is a long time and divorcing, having a criminal case it’s just so much sometimes I don’t want to get out of bed. But I do. I won’t let this get me and my girls down. He won’t win this war that you can be damn sure.

Bless your hearts. I cant imagine being in this particular situation.

It really is a mess. My soon to be ex has been released on bond. I am trying to get this divorce thing going but dealing with lawyers and police and DA's is a nightmare!!! Its not like how it is on TV I'll tell you that much!

Yea svu is a crock.

Say fore sure on that one. Just like cops no one goes to jail that fast with a domestic complaint. Even if kids get abused.

although what has been done to them is ugly, they are not
when you look at them you have to not see the ugliness that was done to them

both of your children need for you to look at them and see the innocence & beauty in them. it is there, you can nurture it.