Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Has anyone made it to the end of the legal side and were u successful?? Here in south Carolina the min is 25 yrs so does that guarantee that he will get it, esp since he confessed??? How does it all work??
I guess I'll be the first to shout, that yes, there can be success, and life, and happiness on the other side!
Discovery for us was in December 2006, so it's been over 6 years since I found out my daughter was being molested. My ex, the perp, was sentenced to 10 years after confessing (8 years suspended which I feel was a horrid injustice for the devastation he inflicted). He was released from prison, and is on probation. My divorce was finalized in the midst of that, and I have sole custody of our two sons who were not molested.
So, did everything go as I wanted through the legal process? Heck no.... I wanted him to serve every second possible, but that's not how the system works. Although the minimum may be 25 years, and he may very well be "sentenced" to 25, he may only "serve" a very small number. A large number of years can be suspended. But you can directly impact sentencing. Typically you have the right to make a victim impact statement. This is a very powerful thing, and I would encourage anyone in this position to do so. I was able to talk to the actual impact of the abuse to my daughter's life, about her night terrors, about her failing grades in school, about her brother's lives, and my own. I wanted her to be REAL to the judge, I wanted to paint a picture of the victim that was more than factual testimony from the police officer, before the judge decided the fate of her molester. I wanted the court to have a record of and to hear about the pain.
So for his crime in our state, he was sentenced to the maximum number of years, even if the majority of it was suspended. He was tried, convicted and sentenced and went to state prison... so yes, that was success.
K
To charge him!!! It has been 7 months... No charges... So frustrated!!!
Part of healing is accepting that we may not get the outcome that we had hoped for. The biggest lesson that I learned from my own story and that of my daughter's is that no matter what I do, I never will have complete control in how things turn out. But I do have control in how I decide to react to it.
I will always continue to hope and pray for society to open it's eyes to what CSA really does to children and families and then we will live in a more just world. Only then will children finally be put first. Laura
To warriormama's comment, I"m sure that having a successful outcome may keep people away, but these are complicated issues and there is so much involved. I didn't come here until after the perp had been put away. While we were fighting the legal battle, I was totally focused on the fight itself and I didn't have as much time to think. When the legal stuff was over though, things got quiet and I had too much time on my hands mentally. The more I thought about everything, the more it hurt. That's when I started coming here. These days, I find myself visiting now and then. When I'm not thinking about what happened, I guess I'm not thinking about coming here as much. When I have those down moments and need a little pick-me-up, I sometimes come back. I'm sure that everyone handles these things differently though and there are no rights or wrongs. Anyone that comes here has a reason to come here and for most, it's hurt. To the extent that we can help each other out, we need to continue to do so, whether we're regulars or infrequent visitors.
I think you're absolutely right! I don't know if this site existed or if there was an online support group like this 6 years ago. I needed one desperately and couldn't find the support I needed. I felt so completely alone and powerless, and afraid. My focus then was daily survival pure and simple, then healing and the trial. Once past the initial shock and awe of the crime and the trial, I think people find their focus changes toward healing and maybe that's why eventually they're away from this amazing and supportive site. I've sought out this site 6 years after the fact to encourage, hopefully, folks that are in the same position I was 6 years ago.
Part of the healing for me was making peace with the outcome of the court decision. Will I ever believe the perp got what he deserved? Nope, and we had a confession, a trial, and imprisonment. However, I am not consumed with the anger any longer. We spent the time the perp was imprisoned healing, growing, learning - not willing to classify ourselves as survivors, I watched my children thrive!
Now, there is not a day we aren't able to say "Life is Good." So I believe those with success stories are at a different point in their journey.
/graphxrule